I was almost 50 when I had my first baby, people call me selfish and I've lost friends over it but older mums are better

The Irish Sun

2 days ago

WHEN Rene Byrd first held her baby boy, Crue, in her arms, she felt like life was finally complete.
The Londoner had spent years battling infertility before deciding to undergo IVF – a journey that cost her over £20,000.
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Rene Byrd was 48 when she welcomed her first baby
Credit: Jam Press/Rene Bryd
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She says she has received plenty of criticism but believes older women make better mums
Credit: Jam Press/Rene Bryd
But Rene's struggle didn't stop other parents from judging her for becoming a mum later in life.
The singer-songwriter was met with cruel 'jokes' after telling people she'd given birth at 48.
She's also lost friends since having a baby.
Although the comments stung, Rene says she is determined to ignore the negativity and finally embrace motherhood.
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'I had people making [say things like], 'You'll be old when your child grows up',' she said
'People have told me it's selfish.
'They say it jokingly, but you know they're not joking.
'It can make you feel guilty, but I just want to be the best mum I can be.
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'I have a friend I don't even see anymore.
'Some relationships dissolved.'
Rene had always dreamed of becoming a mum, but life didn't exactly go to plan.
Rene met her now-husband, 42-year-old American attorney Demetrious, by chance in a London bar.
Aware of her biological clock, the pair started trying for a baby in 2017 when Rene was 40.
She even spent about £2,000 on Chinese herbal remedies and fertility tonics to help her get pregnant.
But after a year of trying, Rene realised that starting a family wouldn't be as easy as she'd hoped.
She said: 'We tried to conceive naturally, but my age was always a factor.
'The panic starts to set in – you realise time is slipping away.
'I spent a couple of grand on different tonics overseas – anything that looked like it could help.
'It was getting me down.
'I knew my window was closing.
'Eventually, I accepted that it probably wasn't going to happen without some assistance.'
Rene and Demetrious eventually decided to explore IVF in a bid to start their dream family.
The couple spent a few years researching treatments and clinics before taking the leap.
Following a rough IVF journey – Rene described the procedure as 'invasive' – she found out she was pregnant in April 2024, just a few months after the couple got married.
She said: 'I didn't realise just how emotional it would be.
'There's so much uncertainty.
'So many tests – you're constantly putting your body through it.
'I had an underlying condition that was a big factor.
'They check all your hormones, and, as women, there are so many to track.
'You have to do regular blood tests, and they expire after a certain time, so you're constantly redoing them.
'Emotionally, it was draining, and I wasn't sure if it would even work.
'Financially, it was a huge strain – in total, it cost over £20,000.'
Rene can recall the moment she learned she was pregnant.
She said: They told me I needed to do a beta test – it looks at hormone levels in your blood to confirm pregnancy.
'I went in that morning, and the lady from the clinic started crying.
The struggle of choosing a baby name
CHLOE Morgan, a Senior Writer at Fabulous, has revealed her dilemma on choosing a baby name...
At 35 weeks pregnant, by far the trickiest part of pregnancy for me in the past few months (minus the insomnia and countless night-time wee breaks!) has been trying to decide on a baby name.
The dilemmas are endless...
My partner and I went for a private scan to find out the gender as early as we could - partly due to the fact we thought it would make baby naming so much easier because we'd only have to come up with a list of names for one gender rather than two.
How wrong we were...
I was absolutely thrilled to be told I was expecting the baby girl I'd already dreamed of, but being one of the last of my friends to fall pregnant, I've had countless conversations over the years with excited pals discussing their top
With each friend mentioning at least 10 possible monikers, I can't help but feel like several are now a no-go even though I know it's something that none of them would mind in the slightest - it's a total me problem!
The debate comes up time and time again on social media forums - can you choose the same name that was a "potential" for a friend's baby?
It's a very divisive topic and opinions are always mixed...and I don't want to be THAT person.
While some will argue there's thousands of other names out there to choose from, others will say you need to choose YOUR favourite...after all, there's no guarantee that person will even have another baby.
Then there's also the issue of finding a name you adore...only to research it online and read one negative comment amongst hundreds of positives that you just can't shake off.
I made that very mistake when I fell in love with a certain name (I won't reveal it because I don't want to ruin it for others!) ...only to see someone point out that it constantly gets autocorrected on a phone to something rather rude instead.
So, back to the drawing board we went..
Just five weeks to go and it looks like our little one is going to be known as 'baby gal' for a little while longer!
'I thought it was bad news – but they were happy tears.
'She told me, 'You're pregnant.'
'I cried my eyes out.
'That was just the beginning of the journey.
'I've always wanted children – the real challenge was finding the right person to have them with.
'All around me, my friends were having babies.
'I was always at baby showers and christenings. I've been a godmother to so many kids.
'I had a vision board with a little boy on it.
'In my heart, I always longed to hold a baby that was mine.'
Following a pregnancy marked by intense nausea and fluctuating hormones, Crue was born via C-section on 28 November last year.
Rene said: 'They placed him on my chest for skin-to-skin contact.
'That's when it hit me – this is real, he's here.'
Despite the criticism that's come since Rene says she wouldn't change a thing.
She said, 'There are so many positives to having a child later in life.
'I'm more financially stable, more patient, and I've lived a full life.
'I feel more in control, more confident.
'I've spent years around friends' kids, reading, learning.
'I'm in a completely different headspace.
'You do get that twinge of guilt when you think about being older, but it's nobody's business.
'You have to live your own life in your own time.'
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Rene spent £20,000 on fertility treatment over the years
Credit: Jam Press/Rene Bryd
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Rene says that as an older mother she is more financially stable to support her baby
Credit: Jam Press/Rene Bryd