The secret diary of . . . the struggles of the right

Otago Daily Times

a day ago

I've struggled with the Jacinda Ardern book.
It seems to have pages in it, quite a few pages, and that's a sure sign, isn't it, of a narcissistic disorder.
And these pages have words. You guessed it — a lot of words. I said to my wife, "Kate," I said, "what are we supposed to make of it?"
I owe it to my Newstalk ZB audience of hundreds of thousands to make sense of the book.
And so we picked it up, and we shook it, wondering whether the words would fall off the page. But they seemed to be stuck there with a black viscous substance which resembled ink. I said to Kate, "Wife," I said, "what kind of witchcraft is this?"
She brought out her phone, and showed me a video of Ardern talking about her book to Oprah.
"Oh dear God in heaven," I said. "So that's what this book is about. Kindness. That's rich coming from a terrorist! She wrecked the joint then collected the dough in Boston."
We sat and brooded on it for a while and then it got dark. And cold.
"I don't know how we're going to afford the power bill," Kate said.
Times are tough thanks to Ardern. Families are doing it hard. Electricity is a luxury few of us can afford. I went outside to chop the firewood, and brought in a heavy bag of coal. I got the fire going and slung a billy over the flames. "This'll help," I said, and threw in the book.
I have to acknowledge that it burned quite nicely. So she can take credit for that.
I'm struggling to take Greta Thunberg seriously.
She claims she and her crew were kidnapped by Israel authorities when their protest yacht was intercepted on its way to Gaza.
I owe it to my Herald Now audience of several dozen to explain how protests work.
Because there are rules about protesting. Right? You have to obey them or otherwise you risk looking ridiculous, such as going to sea on a boat. Look what it did to the Rainbow Warrior. Ka-blooey. Up in smoke. And for what? Nothing. Same with Thunberg, an attention-obsessed Swede who reminds me of John Minto. He's always protesting, isn't he? I think he doth protest too much. She's the same. Right? But that's what happens when you're on drugs. And they're both on drugs. The drug of attention. They'll do anything to get it. They're strung out on it. Junkies. Losers. Awful people. Just the worst. Right?
Join me tomorrow when I have an opinion on how good Christopher Luxon is.
I struggled in my interview with Jack Tame.
I struggled in my interview with John Campbell.
I struggled in my interview with Mike Hosking.
By Steve Braunias