Being a dad means understanding your kids, even when they don't know themselves

USA Today

10 hours ago

Being a dad means understanding your kids, even when they don't know themselves | Your Turn Fatherhood in a nutshell is trying to interpret what your kids are trying to tell you when they might not even know themselves.
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The very first Father's Day in America was celebrated on June 19, 1910, in the state of Washington.
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My goal as a father is to help my daughter reach independence with the least amount of emotional damage possible. That might sound pessimistic, but I think it's important to set limited expectations so that there's always room to be pleasantly surprised.
As a stay-at-home father, I've been front and center for most of my daughter's challenges and achievements. Each aspect of her life has come with different discoveries – some more impactful than others. Watching her take the first steps toward a door was an absolute thrill. Witnessing her first word, uttered shortly after her first steps, was slightly less exhilarating. You always hope that your child's first words will be indicative of something truly meaningful in her life. Something like 'dada' or 'mama' or even 'toast.'
Instead, I got 'door' which, at the time, I thought was a little selfish and slightly hurtful on her part. Looking back, I like to think that it revealed her pragmatic nature given the circumstances, instead of her desire to leave our family for good. Then again, maybe it was both. The problem is that, being a toddler, her communication skills weren't exactly top-notch, so her true intentions were a mystery.
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That's really a big chunk of fatherhood in a nutshell. Trying to interpret what your kids are trying to tell you when they might not even know themselves. The rest of it involves avoiding things like hand, foot and mouth disease and the equivalent of keeping them from running out into busy parking lots.
It's an essential step toward adulthood, but I will miss her terribly
In my most recent chapter of fatherhood, I'm trying to help my daughter navigate the next three years of high school. My sincerest hope is that I can do so in a way that she, I and her mother are all on speaking terms by the time she graduates.
Assuming that takes place, she will start the beginning of her real independence from me. It's an essential step toward her adulthood but not one I'm particularly looking forward to. The fact is that I've thoroughly enjoyed being a constant presence in her life, and I know that I will miss her terribly.
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Most likely, the beginning of this necessary separation will involve more study. She's inclined toward something in the arts, but I'm also encouraging her to pursue a side hustle in something a bit more pragmatic, like welding or taxidermy, to fall back on if things don't work out. Whatever she chooses, I will give her my full support because that's what fathers are supposed to do.
After that, I'm not sure what will follow. For my part, it seems to involve a vague list of hopes for her future. At some point in her mid-20s, I hope that she is happy and able to answer with some satisfaction some of the big questions that life presents: Who am I? What is my purpose? Why is Zydeco music so popular?
Whatever answers she finds, I hope that she is able to share them with someone whom she loves and who loves her in return.
I hope she is kind and fierce in equal measure.
I hope she knows that playing a part in her life has been one of my greatest privileges and a blessing I wouldn't give up any part of for anything – anything at all.
— Derek Bremer, Webster Groves, Missouri
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