‘I've ended up in the ER twice': stories of Valentine's Day gone horribly wrong
But sometimes it doesn't go quite to plan. Guardian readers shared tales of their worst Valentine's Day with us. If you're feeling down this 14 February, just think – at least you're not dating someone wanted by Interpol.
Answers have been edited and condensed for clarity.
Twenty years ago, my husband, 1.5-year-old son and I were living in California. My husband, very sweetly, decided to make me a Valentine's Day lunch, including a ham sandwich. With a flourish of the knife, he opened the plastic packaging of the ham. He also took off the top of one of his fingers. There was a lot of blood, so I ran around finding things to wrap the hand in. It was clear he had to go to [the emergency department], but where was the top of the finger? We weren't quick enough, and the dog ate it. The rest of the day was spent at the hospital.Fiona, 58, British Columbia
One Valentine's Day in college, I was dumped over Zoom by my long-distance boyfriend. On the call, I opened the package he'd sent me. It was a dating advice book.
Three years later, a different partner and I had booked a trip over Valentine's Day. The day we were meant to leave, he told me he had cancelled the reservation. When I asked what he wanted to do instead, he said: 'Stop seeing each other.'
Two Valentine's Days later, my long-distance girlfriend and I were supposed to call each other and cook a meal at the same time. I got a surprise delivery of ice-cream and she cancelled our call. We broke up.
Eventually, my wife broke my curse, and we have enjoyed many uneventful Valentine's Days together since.Elyse, 28, Missouri
In second grade, the teacher got mad at us because we were so excited to pass our Valentine's cards to each other. She told us that Valentine's Day was cancelled, and she proceeded to rip up all our cards in front of the class. Very traumatic for seven-year-olds.Michael, 75, Arizona
On our first Valentine's after six months of dating, he gave me a box of protein bars and a pizza cutter.JM, Illinois
On Valentine's Day 2021, I was sat with my husband of nearly 20 years – my partner and father of my children – watching David Niven in A Matter of Life and Death. I had just found a heart-shaped crisp in the bowl and was feeding it to him lovingly when his phone pinged. Up came an image of a Valentine's card and the words: 'Is this from you?' He had sent a Valentine's card to his 23-year-old colleague, a young woman who had not been born when we first got together. The day did not end well. Our divorce will be finalized in the next few months.Sarah, 54, Lytham St Annes
I had been dating a colleague slightly senior to me, and quite a bit older. He invited me to Madrid for Valentine's weekend, and I booked a lovely hotel. We flew in on Friday evening. On Saturday, while sightseeing, we were stopped by two members of Interpol. They questioned my partner at length and demanded to see his passport. My Spanish was rudimentary at best, but from what I could glean, they thought he was a drug dealer. Later that afternoon, we went to a large art exhibition, and realized we were being followed.
That evening, we went to dinner and I made a comment about maybe introducing him to my parents. But we had a heated discussion which continued through the following morning on to the plane, where we finally split up.
It turned out he had a second driver's license with a different name in his wallet, so who knows who he even was.Anonymous
Back in the 1970s, I was working in a public library – my first job after leaving library school. I thought I knew it all, and was not popular with my fellow workers. There was one girl I rather fancied, and on Valentine's Day she called me and said she would like to go on a lunch date with me. In eager anticipation, I waited on the library steps for her to turn up. And waited. And waited. I kept seeing my colleagues in the background laughing. Eventually I realized they had organized this 'date' to bring me down a peg.Iain, 77, Guisborough
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Ten years ago, me and my then partner were living in separate countries, and I was just about to move to hers. I had the romantic idea of flying over on Valentine's Day, which fell on a Friday, to surprise her. I waited on the lawn outside the hospital where she worked, dreaming of her delight. She was surprised, but not in a good way. She made some excuse about being tired after her shift, which was understandable. I felt like a douche. Later that day, when her mood was still weird, I pressed her and found out that she had arranged for her ex-girlfriend to come and stay with her that weekend. Anonymous
My partner said he was going to cook a meal for me: a starter and a pudding, the works! I arrived home from work around 6.30pm, and was surprised to see the kitchen exactly as I left it. No sign of shopping or cooking. And no sign of him.
I went upstairs and into our bedroom, and he was sat up naked in bed, eating a pot noodle. He said there was one in the kitchen for me. Apparently, on his way to do the shopping, he had met up with a pal, and they spent the day in the pub.Rachel, 63, Blackford
My then boyfriend and I were three years into our relationship and living together. His favorite band was playing in the city on Valentine's night. Rather than stay in with me or get me a ticket too, he went to see the concert and left me at home on my own.
I enjoyed the peace and quiet. That is, until I woke up to find him drunkenly urinating in the dirty clothes hamper in the corner of the room. I marched him off to sleep on the couch. He didn't remember a thing the next morning. That was our last Valentine's Day together. Anonymous
I've ended up in the ER on Valentine's Day twice so far. The first time, I was at a friend's house attending a singles-only party. This friend had a stripper pole mounted in her living room. At one point, I swung around it on my way to the kitchen for another drink. I didn't so much swing as continue straight along, with the pole in tow. I hit my head on the corner of the coffee table, and ripped my ear in half.
The second time, I was in a long-distance relationship and was attempting to use one of those mould kits so I could send her a copy of my privates. I was naked, except for a ring around my parts to keep everything firm. I was using an immersion blender to mix the mould material. It thickened too fast and jammed the blender. I neglected to unplug the blender before clearing the blade with my thumb. I managed to wrap my hand in a towel, pull some clothes on, and have my roomie take me to the hospital for stitches. I didn't realize until after I got home that I still had the ring on.Will, California
My husband and I were preparing to go out to dinner. While he was in the shower, I went to put a sweet Valentine's Day card on his desk. On his computer was an email he had just sent to a woman he was having an affair with. When confronted about it, he lied. That was the end of Valentine's Day, and the end of our marriage.
I am now remarried to a much nicer, younger, more handsome and more nurturing man, so every Valentine's Day, I want to send my ex a thank you note!Margaret, 55, California
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