No rings, no roles, no rules: The freedom of Relationship Anarchy

India Today

8 hours ago

There was a time when we danced to songs like 'Is pyaar ko main kya naam doon,' binge-watched television serials with titles like 'Yeh Rishta Kya Kehlata Hai,' and cried over movies like 'Hum Aapke Hain Koun..!' At some point, a Bollywood scene has probably left you teary-eyed with that eternal question: Main tumhari kya lagti hoon, Raj? Or Rohit? Or Deepak?advertisementSee where we're going with this?For the longest time, naming a relationship was everything.
Are we friends? Best friends? Lovers? Partners?Because giving something a name made it real. It legitimised it.But, it's 2025, and not having an answer might just be the answer.Enter: Relationship Anarchy. No, it's not a TikTok trend cooked up by commitment-phobic twenty-somethings. And no, it doesn't mean you burn all your love letters and ghost your exes in the name of chaos. It is less about breaking hearts and more about breaking the mould.What even is Relationship Anarchy?It is precisely a philosophy that rejects the conventional relationship labels.'Relationship Anarchy is a philosophy that rejects traditional, hierarchical relationship structures and societal norms. Like all anarchist principles, it emphasises individual autonomy, mutual respect and the freedom to customise relationships without regular rules or expectations,' says Ruchi Ruuh, Delhi-based relationship expert.advertisementThe philosophy sees all relationships as inherently valuable, whether romantic, platonic, sexual or family. Instead of assuming roles, it invites you to co-create relationships that fit the needs of the partners.Isn't that just polyamory with better branding?Not quite. Polyamory usually means loving more than one person, but with some structure, like having a main partner or planning things out. It's entirely possible to love more than one person deeply at the same time. Emotional intimacy, honesty, and transparency are core values.Relationship Anarchy takes it further.Psychologist and author Aanya Jai breaks it down beautifully: 'RA comes from the Greek root meaning 'without ruler.' It means no one makes the rules for your relationships but you and the people involved. That's it. No scripts. No templates. Just intent.'Love, actually, is custom-built"There are as many kinds of relationships as there are people," says Jai. "Relationship Anarchy simply acknowledges that. It doesn't try to squeeze love into a ready-made box."Commitment in this world isn't about rings, cohabitation, or even exclusivity. It could be daily check-ins or showing up when it matters. Or it could be something as unspoken and fluid as sharing ramen on a rainy night and a Netflix password on the weekend.advertisementWhile it may seem more complicated to some (which maybe it is), it's also honest.The philosophy doesn't ditch commitment; it just decouples it from traditional packaging. 'It's not about avoiding responsibility,' says Ruuh, 'it's about redefining it.'When you hear many couples, each day, breaking up due to rigid laws of relationships, Relationship Anarchy gives you the 'much-needed' alternative, the flexibility to love better.No online validationIf you are someone who thrives on social media validation, this one might not be for you. There's no big reveal, no diamond ring, no TikTok trend. "But that's exactly the point," says Ruuh. "It isn't competing with traditional relationships. It just opts out of the performative circus."'It can feel invisible or dull in front of the traditional celebration of love, but it's the choice the love anarchists make. We see the younger generation is challenging traditional relationship models, and we see a growing acceptance around these changes. Having said that, it's not for everyone,' Ruuh further warns.Is it Gen Z dodging accountability?It seems like a fair question, especially when Relationship Anarchy gets mistaken for flaky texting habits and ghosting with a philosophy. But true relationship anarchists would argue otherwise.advertisement'It actually demands more emotional accountability,' Ruuh says. 'You can't fall back on roles or rules, you have to show up with clarity and care every time.'"Modern relationship models often romanticise exclusivity and longevity," says Aanya. "But history shows us that fluid, community-based bonds have always existed and thrived."Perhaps the best way to understand Relationship Anarchy is through stories, not definitions. Like Maya and Zayn, who weren't dating, but weren't not dating either. Their bond had no label, but it had warmth, consistency, and an unspoken understanding. It worked. Until it didn't. Until it did again. And maybe that's the point.The biggest myth? That RA people don't do love.Now, what many may assume is that the relationship philosophy doesn't let you get attached or love anyone, but that's a myth. In fact, most people who believe in the idea of Relationship Anarchy are incredibly intentional about the way they love. They're just not interested in stuffing those feelings into one-size-fits-all boxes.And in a world where even monogamous marriages can turn toxic or coercive under the guise of permanence, maybe it's time we stopped romanticising any model blindly.As Jai puts it, 'Every relationship model has its shadows, Relationship Anarchy included. But when we allow space for nuance, we also allow space for healing, for freedom, and for real choice
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