Starmer looked out of place in the mountains with Sky's Beth Rigby
Seeing the Prime Minister surrounded by mountains and pines was odd
Rigby asked whether the Prime Minister had any idea what President Trump was doing about the Middle East that was so important that he had to leave the G7 early.
'I actually sat next to the President at that meeting,' came the non sequitur reply. I have confidence that there is probably a 15 per cent chance that The Donald actually doesn't know who Starmer is. One can imagine the conversation on the home trip on Air Force One: 'Hey, lil' Marco, why'd they sit me next to that brylcreamed Limey who sounds like he has a cold?'
Next came the inevitable Grooming Gangs question. Hardly one of the PM's favourite things; he gave a weird look that was supposed to say 'earnest' but actually said 'constipated'. Rigby hammered home; he really didn't think he owed anyone an apology, did he? There followed a self justificatory list of his achievements. Somewhere in his youth or childhood, he must have done something good, that sort of thing.
After this touching interlude was over he claimed that he 'tried to remain courteous at all times' – which will come as news to any of the women who have ever asked him a question he didn't like in the House – before launching into a direct attack on Kemi Badenoch. At the end of this, Rigby gave him a sort of pitying smile, like one might deliver at the sight of a dropped bag of shopping or a weeping clown.
Rigby went further: did there need to be prosecutions of those in institutions who had covered this up? The hills were alive with the sound of bluster.
'There must be accountability…there must be no stone unturned…but I'm not going to say here X, Y, Z'. He might as well have added 'Do-Re-Mi' for all the effect it would have had on his meaning. I have read things on the back of lavatory cubicles or scrawled on railway underpasses which convey more meaning than this string of platitudes.
Rigby asked again if he wanted to see more prosecutions and got the same answer. Interviewing the present government is no easy task: you can Climb Every Mountain, ford every stream: and still at the end of it you have a pile of Edelscheiss.
Rigby ended on a 'most proud moment and biggest regret', as if it was an interview with Smash Hits! magazine. Apparently our Lonely Goatherd hadn't 'told his story as best he could'. You can say that again. Or yodel it, it'd be just as compelling and coherent.
So it was we bid 'So Long, Farewell' to the Prime Minister. Unlike the Sound of Music there is no happy ending to this tale: instead of staying in his alpine G7 wonderland, our very own Maria is back on Wednesday.
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