We're raising our children without rules – they don't have a bed time and they only go to school if they want to

The Sun

21-06-2025

A COUPLE who are raising their children without rules have shared an insight into their everyday life.
The family-of-five described themselves as "unconventional", with the young children allowed to set their own schedules each day.
Adele and Matt spoke to the YouTube channel the Truly Show about their unique approach to parenting.
The Brighton-based pair shared 11-year-old son Ulysses and daughters Astara, six, and Kai, three.
All three children are being raised with "no strict rules" in any aspect of their lives, including meal times, bed times, and school.
"The children listen to their bodily cues, they sleep when they're tired, eat when they're hungry," said Matt.
He joked that this does mean that their diets include a lot of "junk food", such as crisps, cookies, chocolate, and pizza.
Matt clarified that their "unconventional parenting" style was about giving their children the freedom to choose.
This began at a young age as the kids decided when they wanted to stop breast-feeding and co-sleeping with their parents.
While their oldest son co-slept until the age of 11 and stopped breast-feeding around six, his younger sister was happy to move into her own room at five and quit breast-feeding the year before that.
Meanwhile the youngest Kai still sleeps in her parents' bed at three and continues to breast-feed, with Adele saying she didn't see either ceasing any time soon.
This feeds into the couple's main parenting philosophy which involves attachment parenting their children when they are young as well as practicing gentle parenting.
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This close relationship is continued all the time as the children do not attend school.
Instead, Adele and Matt use an "unschooling" technique at home, though they clarified this is not considered homeschooling.
According to them, it lets the child lead what they learn, with nature playing a huge part in their education
The family even have a garden farm, which includes a flock of chickens and roosters, as well as rabbits and dogs.
"We do not worry about them not being in school, I'd worry about what they'd miss out on if they weren't in school actually," Adele said.
Different parenting techniques
Here are some widely recognised methods:
Authoritative Parenting
This technique will often foster independence, self-discipline, and high self-esteem in children.
It is often considered the most effective, this technique is where parents set clear expectations - enforcing rules - whilst also showing warmth and support.
Authoritarian Parenting
This is opposite to authoritative parenting, as it is where the parent sets high demands but is low on responsiveness.
It involves ensuring the child is obedient and often employ punitive measures. While this can lead to disciplined behaviour, it may also result in lower self-esteem and social skills in children.
Permissive Parenting
Permissive parents tend to be indulgent and lenient, often taking on a role more akin to a friend than an authority figure. They are highly responsive but lack demandingness, granting children a lot of freedom. This method can nurture creativity and a free-spirited nature but may also result in poor self-regulation and difficulties with authority.
Uninvolved Parenting
Uninvolved or neglectful parenting is marked by low responsiveness and low demands. Parents in this category offer minimal guidance, nurturing, or attention. This often leaves children feeling neglected, which can have significant negative effects on their emotional and social development.
Helicopter Parenting
Helicopter parents are extremely involved and overprotective, frequently micromanaging their children's lives. Although their goal is to protect and support, this approach can hinder a child's ability to develop independence and problem-solving skills.
Free-Range Parenting
Free-range parenting encourages children to explore and learn from their surroundings with minimal parental interference. This method promotes independence and resilience but requires a safe and supportive environment to be successful.
Attachment Parenting
According to Marriage.com, Attachment parenting focuses on physical closeness and emotional bonding, often through practices such as co-sleeping and baby-wearing. This approach aims to create secure attachments and emotional well-being, but demands significant time and emotional commitment from parents.
Each of these parenting techniques has its own set of strengths and weaknesses. The key is to find a balanced approach that aligns with the family's values and meets the child's needs for a healthy, happy upbringing.
"A conventional education I would say is definitely failing a large majority of children right now."
Astara shared her hopes to learn how to write when she's turns "seven or eight" but in the meantime she is focused on things like gymnastics and ballet.
As well as "outside school", the couple's unconventional parenting approaching also relates to medical care.
They opt to "respect our children's bodily autonomy" and try to steer clear of vaccines and medication unless absolutely neccessary.
Instead, they use alternative forms of care, such as herbal teas and extracts or "anything holistic without outside effects".
And as for how they invision their children's futures, the couple said they are with whatever lifestyle they choose when they grow up.
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