
Boys at Debenham High School learn lessons about masculinity
He told BBC Politics East: "Most men don't fit into this stereotype of what it means to be a real man: to be physical, to be aggressive and to be dominant."We try to show that men can show strength in other ways so they can be empathetic and it's just to broaden the horizons of the boys to show that, 'Yes, I can show strength in a different way.'"It's always really lifting from my point of view to see they do all show emotions. The problem they have got is they feel that they have to hide it."He remembered one boy who said he had cried, but without anyone seeing him."When I asked him where he cried... he revealed he had cried in the shower because the water was hot and makes his face look flushed and so nobody knows he had been crying," he said."I thought it was so sad that boys go to such lengths to hide their emotions just to fit in with the pack."
One of the Debenham pupils, Tom, said it was sometimes difficult to show emotions."I think it's scary to admit something and you really don't know what people are going to think of you," he said.Another boy, Tommy, said he had suffered from cyber bullying at primary school."I was struggling about who I was but now I know and that has helped me out," he said.Stuart Trevorrow, head of Year 10 at Debenham High School, said: "I think it is really important that we are making the best future possible for young people."It is very important to show how society could be in the future and these are the people who are going to make the future."
Sarah Owen, Labour MP for Luton North and chair of the House of Commons Women and Equalities Committee, told BBC Politics East it was vital to support such programmes in schools. "I think we need to give tools to the pupils of today to ensure that they know when they are being exploited and when they are being exposed to harmful contact and we need platforms, especially search engines, to play their part," she said."For young boys, there have to be positive role models. On my committee last week for [International] Women's Day we had a whole panel of men talking about the importance of fathers involved in their children's lives and the need for shared parental leave."
BBC Politics East was broadcast on Sunday, 16 March and can be seen on BBC iPlayer.Follow Suffolk news on BBC Sounds, Facebook, Instagram and X.
Hashtags

Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles


The Sun
3 days ago
- The Sun
Are you guilty (or a victim of) of ‘dry begging' and is it destroying your relationship? The signs to look out for
RELATIONSHIPS, as we all know, take work – particularly romantic ones, and especially when you're living together, married, or have children. Have you ever found yourself saying something to your partner such as, 'Some people always get spoiled, not me though,' or 'It must be nice to have someone clean up after you all the time'? 4 Sometimes, sending a loved one on a guilt trip after they've dropped crumbs all over your freshly hoovered floor just feels right, right? It turns out, there's a term for speaking to loved ones like this: dry begging. What is dry begging? 'DRY begging refers to a tactic of getting a need or want met without directly requesting it, thus avoiding taking full ownership of that request,' Ioana Rotaru, psychotherapist and director of Ioana Rotaru Therapy and Coaching, tells Sun Health. 'It can be both subtle or obvious, and it's not always about money or gifts; people can 'dry beg' for emotional support, validation, or reassurance.' You might have inadvertently seen examples of dry begging on your social media feeds. 'Another example of the tactic is when someone posts on social media things like, 'sick again and no one cares' or 'can't catch a break lately, have to do it all on my own,' hoping their partner will notice,' says Rotaru. Why do people dry beg? AS for the why… instead of directly asking a partner to meet their needs, someone who partakes in dry begging might do so because of a fear of rejection. 'It's not necessarily a control or coercion tactic,' explains Rotaru. 'It often reflects people's sense of shame and internalised beliefs such as, 'If I ask directly, I will be rejected or judged'. 'Therefore, hinting at something rather than directly requesting it feels safer than having to feel vulnerable in case you hear a 'no'.' I won the first ever Love Island but the fall out from my instant fame was so brutal I've given up sex for good, says Jessica Hayes Who are the biggest culprits? THERE isn't one definitive type of person who dry begs – but psychologists and relationship experts have identified some common characteristics of people who do it, and noticed patterns in their past. Rachel Rose, a relationship and boundaries coach and author of Date Your Worth Not Your Wound, says a person's childhood could contribute to this type of behaviour. 'Perhaps, as a child, they weren't allowed to ask for things openly or their needs were constantly dismissed, so they learned how to get creative and express them indirectly,' she says. A lack of emotional maturity may also come into play in scenarios where one person frequently dry begs. 'People with lower empathy levels often don't realise (or don't care) that they're putting their partner in uncomfortable positions to meet their needs,' Rose adds. 'They see their needs as the priority, even at someone else's expense.' This is where things can turn nasty – and even manipulative, whether the person realises it or not. How does it impact relationships? WE'RE probably all guilty of dry begging in relationships to some degree. When fuses run short and frustration builds, firing off a snappy, passive aggressive comment can come all too naturally. But, frequent use of the communication tactic can lead to the death of intimacy and connection. The problem really arises when one partner regularly relies on dry begging to communicate instead of directly asking for their partner to meet their needs. 'Frequently communicating like this leads to disconnection and a feeling of abandonment in relationships – the very thing people were trying to avoid in the first place,' says Rotaru. 'It's a big problem when it comes to building real intimacy.' You'll notice your partner rarely asks for things outright but instead drops hints or tells long stories that leave you feeling like you have to step in Rachel RoseRelationship coach 'Intimacy needs honesty, so if you can't be honest about your needs, the connection between you starts to fade,' adds Rose. This can then cause a negative cycle, only worsening over time. Rose says: 'The person doing it often feels frustrated because they expect their partner to just 'know' what they need. 'They might drop hint after hint, and find themselves disappointed if their partner doesn't meet that need unprompted, leading to more dry begging. 'Meanwhile, the partner being guilt-tripped ends up feeling drained, constantly putting their needs aside just to keep the peace. 'They might feel like their efforts are never enough because there is always another request around the corner.' As this cycle repeats over time, neither party feels seen or valued, and both can end up feeling deeply unfulfilled! 4 How to spot signs that your partner is dry begging SO how can you tell that your partner is dry begging? It may show up in a relationship as frequent small crises or emotional drama 'where the solution always somehow lands on your shoulders' says Rose. 'Of course, in a loving and mutually respectful relationship, there are times when one partner leans on the other for help and support. 'The difference here is your partner repeatedly voices their problems in a way that seems tailored to make you feel responsible for fixing it. 'You'll notice they rarely ask outright but instead drop hints or tell long stories that leave you feeling like you have to step in.' How to deal with your partner dry begging IT can be difficult to ignore dry begging comments, but ultimately, your partner is an adult who is fully responsible for handling their own basic needs and owning their communication style. 'It may help to ensure you're creating a safe space for your partner to come to you with issues, so over time, they learn it is safe to ask for what they need directly,' says Rotaru. Tackling things head on is an option, too. 'When your partner starts going into their usual script, gently challenge them,' suggests Rose. 'Ask how serious the issue really is and if they've tried resolving it themselves. 'You're not being cold, you're just creating space for them to show up for themselves.' Warning signs your partner is cheating on you NATURALLY one of the first worries that will go through your mind when your partner starts to withdraw is: are they cheating on me? Hope Flynn, relationship expert and founder of So What - a female self empowerment community - says, that there are nine other potential signs to look out for alongside the lack of sex: Changes in behaviour: Your partner starts acting differently, such as being more secretive or distant. Being super private: Are they suddenly being protective of their phone or their social media accounts? That could be suspicious. Becoming less connected: If you're not as physically or emotionally close as before, this could show something might be up. Unsure of their whereabouts: Do they keep disappearing without a good reason? Or being sketchy when you ask them where they have been? They get a new look: Any sudden changes in appearance, like a makeover, could be a clue that they are trying to impress someone new. Playing the blame game: Are they blaming you for issues in the relationship out of the blue? That's fishy and could be seen as them trying to cause a problem. Changes with money being spent: Unexplained spending or strange charges on the bank statement could be a sign of cheating. Trust your gut: If your instincts are telling you something's off that probably because it is so it's worth investigating. Lack of transparency: They're not being open about where they're going or what they're doing, it might be a red flag. If you're suspicious, it's not wise to go in all-guns blazing, Hope says. Open up the topic with your partner calmly, listing the things you've noticed and how it makes you feel. Your partner may have perfectly reasonable explanations, however if the way they're acting doesn't change, then broach the subject again, this time more directly. Rotaru suggests asking 'clarifying questions' that will move them towards taking ownership. For example, 'Were you hoping I would do that?' or, 'Was your Facebook post about a need I haven't met?'. 'Ultimately, encouraging your partner to be direct will help both of you – and you may even find there's been a recurring issue that you weren't aware you were contributing to,' the expert adds. 'Allowing space for direct communication allows both of you to discuss the issue from your own perspectives, and hopefully, work towards a solution that suits both parties.' Examining your own actions IT'S important to remember that not all the onus is on the person who dry begs. 'If you're in a relationship where this is happening, it's possible you're enabling it without even realising,' says Rose. If you're someone who finds yourself immediately jumping in to save the day when your partner dry begs, you might actually be facilitating the issue because of your own deep-rooted beliefs. 'In adults who have a fear of abandonment, your partner's 'stressful situation' is understood by your brain as a genuine threat,' Rose adds. 'You interpret this scenario to mean that if you do not do what your partner needs, your partner will end up thinking you are intrinsically inadequate and subsequently they will end the relationship with you. 'But repeatedly giving in and responding to dry begging ultimately doesn't benefit either party.' 4 What to do if you're guilty of dry begging 'IF you recognise that you may be dry begging in your relationship, it's time to take a look inward,' says Rose. 'Figure out where that pattern came from and how it plays out in your relationships.' Rotaru suggests taking the time to research and practice what direct communication looks like. 'You can practice rephrasing how you ask for things, moving from indirect communication to using 'I' statements. For example, 'I would love it if we could spend more time together'.' To get to the crux of the issue, 'reframe the internal beliefs and assumptions that stop you from communicating directly in the first place,' she adds. 'Asking for things in a relationship doesn't mean you're needy, and it doesn't necessarily mean you'll be rejected.'


The Guardian
3 days ago
- The Guardian
Monastic music that survived Henry VIII's dissolution brought back to life
Almost five centuries ago a community of monks in the West Country of England gathered to sing, imploring their God to help them endure the challenges of medieval life. Thanks to an extraordinary discovery of music that survived Henry VIII's dissolution of the monasteries in the early 16th century, the songs created by the Buckland Abbey monks were ringing out again across the hills and woods of the Tavy valley in Devon this weekend. The themes are heavy – the threats from disease and crop failures, not to mention powerful rulers – but the polyphonic style is bright and joyful, a contrast to the sort of mournful chants most associated with monks. 'It's an extraordinary rich, textured sound,' said Prof James Clark, a University of Exeter historian, as the university's chapel choir rehearsed at Buckland. 'They're all singing together but following different melodies. It's a sort of melodious cacophony of sound.' Clark found the music while researching Buckland Abbey for the National Trust. Only one book – rather boringly setting out the customs the monks followed – was known to exist, held in the British Library. 'I didn't hold out a great deal of hope it would suddenly open up the lost world of Buckland Abbey,' said Clark. But in the back of the Buckland Book, he came across some leaves of parchment. 'Those leaves contained pieces of chant – text and notation. Though there were 800-plus monasteries in medieval England, you can count almost on one hand pieces of music that survived. 'The Tudor state scrapped Latin worship and the lyrics and music that went with it were largely discarded. Most of this stuff is lost. But there it was, shoved into the back of the book.' The bulk of the book was written in the 15th century but Clark was able to date the music to the early 16th century. 'That made it especially exciting because it transports us to that last generation of monks of the medieval English tradition that had been there for a millennium,' he said. It chimed with another Buckland document from the same era. 'By extraordinary serendipity, it turned out to be the contract for the employment of an organist and choirmaster.' His name was Robert Derkeham, and he would have been hired to improve the singing of the dozen monks who lived at Buckland and the local boys brought in to sing the treble parts. Clark said it was clear that, as well as worshipping God, the monastery was trying to impress patrons by creating wonderful music. 'Monasteries were competing in a very crowded marketplace for investment from patrons,' he said. 'One of the strategies was to upgrade the music. Buckland bought in expertise to turn what may have been a rather ragged choir into something more professional. They were being responsive to cultural change, keeping up with the times and impress their audience.' Derkeham remained at the monastery for more than 15 years, until it was closed and he was pensioned off. Clark said the text was dark. 'It is calling out to what we might call an Old Testament God. One calls out to God to defend his people; one says, 'stay the hand of the avenging angel'; one talks about being in despair. 'I like that sense that it carries us back to a moment in time. In our world, medieval religion is becoming ever more difficult for us to grasp. I think this helps us return to an understanding that it was a sensory experience,' said Clark. 'If we're going to do these people who died 500 years ago some sort of justice as historians, we've got to understand the world as they saw it and as experienced it.' The book has been loaned to Buckland by the British Library and can be viewed at the abbey. The University of Exeter Chapel Choir will perform the music live in Buckland Abbey's medieval Great Barn on 16 and 17 August.


Telegraph
5 days ago
- Telegraph
The big picture: Our picks of the best photos of the day
The big picture: Our picks of the best photos of the day Our picture editors see tens of thousands of photos from across the globe every day. These are the best of the best