People Are Sharing The Dumbest Things They've Ever Done For Lust, And It's Relatable But Also Hilarious

Yahoo

7 days ago

The things people do for love can be surprising — but when it comes to lust? That's a whole different story. People will jump through hoops, or even rings of fire, just to get laid.
It's a universal experience: giving in to our deepest desires for a fleeting moment of satisfaction. Sometimes it leads to laugh-out-loud stories; other times, to major regret.
Dimensions / Getty Images, Viktoriya Skorikova / Getty Images
A recent thread on the r/AskReddit subreddit asked users to share the stupidest things they've done for lust, and the responses did not disappoint.
From driving for hours through snowstorms to hooking up with strangers in parking lots, lust often overrides logic in ways that are as wild as they are relatable. And in some rare cases? These impulsive decisions have even led to lasting relationships. Here are 19 of the most outrageous things people have done in the name of lust:
Elegant couple in love.
1."Alright, I fully expect no one to believe this story, but...when I was almost 20, I worked at a pizza restaurant. I met this woman nine years older than me, and we immediately clicked. She was hot, wild, adventurous, and...thoroughly married to this tatted barbarian-esque dude about thrice my size."
"She started meeting me at my work on my lunch breaks for uh...conversation. Went on for a month or two, until she developed this idea for me to switch to a delivery driver in order to have time together at her house. Since I was the opening shift manager, this would be a pay cut for me, I explained. She said I'd 'make it back and then some in tips and other frivolties' (I'll never forget that sentence, lol).
So I started doing deliveries. It turns out she was only one of many, many people ordering delivery. I only got to show up at her house ONCE being employed there. Bad plan, didn't work.
And then I myself had an idea. I quit, started a night shift job at a warehouse, but kept the pizza joint's shirt, pizza delivery bag, and car decal. The pizzeria owner was pissed that I'd 'lost' these things and said don't come back.
Soon after, I was going to a different pizza joint, ordering her a pizza, and then uh...delivering it a couple times a week.
Long story short, the husband eventually started to wonder why the [redacted]'s pizzeria guy was delivering pizzas from Domino's.
I was confronted. I was threatened. I was grabbed by the pizza-shirt and yelled at. He took away my decal and my pizza bag. All in all, it was a very patient and measured response, all things considered.
But that's not the wildest part. She divorced the guy the next year, and we got engaged. Resulted in six years of a crazy, manic life of ups and downs. Ugly divorce at the end.
Moral of the story: next time you watch a porn where the dude shows up to deliver a large sausage pizza, look for the pain behind his eyes."
–u/crowmagnuman
2."A girl that I was dating woke me up by calling me whenever she got home from the bar with friends. She had a few drinks and was with another frisky lady friend, and was begging me to come over for a threesome."
"I got dressed and drove across town at 2:00 a.m. as quickly as I could…only to find them both passed out in different rooms, with little recollection about the phone call. It was a very disappointing drive back home alone."
–u/El_mochilero
3."Drove from Long Island to Boston in a blizzard so bad that I only crossed Northeast Connecticut and Massachusetts successfully by slaloming in the wake of semi-trucks the whole stretch of I-84 and the Mass Pike. Totally worth it, she's my wife now."
–u/CanisArgenteus
4."Listened to all of her podcasts so I could have 'things to talk about'…ended up coming off as a full-blown creep who knew way too much about her. Definitely not worth it.
–u/turkishdad3
5."I had all my papers ready to attend UBC, but instead followed a girl I'd met on Skype to Finland. She ended up banging a few friends of hers in our apartment. I still live in Finland, though."
–u/HatHuman4605
6."I once confessed to a girl as we were walking down the road how much I was in love with her and how very, very badly I wanted her. Almost on cue, we came up to an old train track that had been asphalted over, but you could still see the bulge of one of the railroad spikes. She said, 'If you pull that out, you got it.'"
"That night, I came back with a sledgehammer, and it still took several hours to get it out. I showed up at her house around 3 a.m., and her roommate just sent me right into her bedroom. I woke her up covered in sweat, grime, rock dust, and blood, holding out that railroad spike with a face-splitting grin.
Best night ever!"
–u/JoeMojo
7."Met a woman at a parking lot to go have sex out in the woods. Basically, I was willing to risk having my organs harvested to get a little something something. And it was worth it. The sex was phenomenal. We hooked up off and on for a couple of months, and to this date, I still have all of my original organs."
–u/thecountnotthesaint
8."This girl randomly messaged me on Facebook to hang out. We weren't friends on there, were never friends IRL, and never had the same friend groups. All I knew was that she lived in my town and was friends with a girl I went to middle school with, and she looked familiar. That's it. When she randomly messaged me and asked to hangout, I was in an Xbox party chat with my friend, so I was just messing around not taking it seriously and said, 'not unless you want your ass ate, lol' she said 'OK, lol,' and then I met up with her, parked down some road, and got in her car. I had never eaten ass before, so I ate her ass for like 20 seconds and then stopped, put it in, lasted maybe 45 seconds, and then was like 'welp, guess I'll see you later.' She chuckled and said bye. By the time I got home, she had messaged me 4-5 times saying, 'Oh btw, I have herpes, you might want to get checked.'"
"Around the same time, a random dude messaged me and asked if I was with her (I honest to god had no idea she had a BF, I knew literally nothing about her and it didn't say anything on her FB profile or else I wouldn't have done anything with her), and was saying, 'she has herpes and didn't tell you.' I obviously got freaked out and blocked both of them and sprinted to my bathroom and began vigorously and ferociously scrubbing my junk for legit 30-45 minutes, hoping I was good. I later deduced her boyfriend, after discovering she wasn't coming home, logged into her account, saw the messages with me, and then started messaging me on both accounts to scare me as revenge for sleeping with his girlfriend. My friend that I was in the Xbox party with dubbed me 'Facebook Herpes' and we kept that as an inside joke until the end of our friendship."
–u/itsLustra
9."Bailed on all of my friends and family during family day after basic training in the Army to hook up with this chick who was pretty much the biggest walking red flag. If we'd gotten caught, I could have ruined my entire career. As it was, she ended up trying to baby trap me because her goal was to fake an injury and get kicked out after I knocked her up so she could still get Army benefits. She ended up doing the same thing a few weeks later to another guy, but he actually knocked her up."
–u/ADegenerateWarlock
10."Let my ex pour maple syrup all over me in an attempt to fulfill his food fantasy. So. Fucking. Sticky. But we did have a REALLY good laugh."
–u/darksideradtownusa
11."We both lusted heavily for one another and worked in the same building. We had sex in a room where the lights were off, but the door didn't lock. We finished. She left first. I waited a few minutes. In that brief interval, someone walked in and flipped on the lights…and I had to awkwardly say something about 'just getting up from the chair after resting my eyes' to get out. The first week of scratching that itch, we took two-hour lunches for three days…raised some eyebrows in her office, so we had to stop that. Totally worth it. Mid-20s when it happened, and it was electric."
–u/Brennerkonto
12."I let a guy I met online have sex with me in a FedEx parking garage, and then we continued across the street in a Panera bathroom. 10/10."
–u/Elfie_Elf
13."Moved cities to be closer to her. Saw her once when I moved back, and she definitely either forgot we were supposed to meet up or didn't give a shit about it. We went from talking every day constantly to not talking. On the bright side, I'm back in my home city, and life has improved significantly."
–u/Pimpdaddypepperjack
14."Stayed with a person who legitimately hated me because sex was excellent, A1, impeccable. Absolutely not, would not do again. I have since been with equal and better partners, so the staying was just for naught."
–u/More_Weird1714
15."In university, I had a crush on my limnology TA. I joined a group that decided to do a polar bear plunge in a lake in Algonquin Park in November just so he could see me in my bathing suit and maybe get some ideas."
–u/Camemboo
16."Flew to another country to go to a rave with a very beautiful woman who was barking at me in the comments of my last Reddit post. Absolutely worth it. Even though long-distance didn't work out in the long run, I came away with tons of incredible adventures and stories."
–u/the_Ex_Lurker
17."I went to Cuba some years ago with my family, and some girl was giving me eyes while I sat with my parents watching a show. I excused myself and sat beside her, where she suddenly stuck her tongue down my throat. We were making out when I distinctly remember her hugging me around my waist. We later went to the nearby stairwell and had sex. I woke up the next morning, hungover and missing my phone and a fair bit of Cuban Pesos (which were in my pocket). I also got crabs. Not worth it."
–u/5fives5
18."Hooked up with a girl when I spent a few months in Japan. Went out with her often and eventually started falling for her. I arranged for her to come over to where I lived shortly after I went back home. Paid for her flight, had her stay with me, bought everything for her when she was here, and by the time she left, I thought we could maybe start a long-distance relationship. About a month later, she suddenly tells me she met someone else and proceeds to ghost me. This was back before smartphones and social media became the norm, so it was really hard to contact her in general. She had no internet presence, and the only way we contacted her was through Messenger and her email."
"Five or so years later, I was cleaning out my email inbox and stumbled onto old messages between us and decided to email her just for the hell of it. Interestingly enough, she emailed me back but only to tell me she's married and never to contact her again. All in all, no, not worth it."
–u/hoobanostank
19."There's a lot to list, but I think my worst judgment was when I was about 18. I was talking to this girl I met online, and drove about 25 miles to see her in the middle of the night. This was back when I had to print out maps from MapQuest and she lived deep in the hills above Hollywood."
"We're hanging out outside her house smoking cigarettes, and then she tells me that the house across the street is used for filming and that it's open. The thought of being mugged or murdered in that house came across my mind, but I had a huge thing for goth girls at the time, and she was the first I'd had a chance with.
So I decided to say fuck it and take the chance. Looking back, I can't say if it was worth it, but it did play out in my favor. She was on her period, so we didn't smash, but I got to get a BJ/HJ overlooking Hollywood in a house I still can't afford.
I've been committed for a long time, but if I were single now and something like this came up again, I wouldn't willingly walk into a situation that can quickly turn against my favor and odds of survival for some strange reason. I'd just offer to pay for a room lol."
–u/PeeTee31
Have you ever done something a little misinformed in the name of lust? Share your stories in the comments below!
Note: responses have been edited for length/clarity.