Dear Coleen: I'm unsure how to act when my teenager starts having sex

Daily Record

2 days ago

Dear Coleen,
My 16-year-old daughter has a boyfriend and they've been dating for a couple of months.
He's lovely and I know his parents to say hello to and the whole family seem so nice.
However, I'm struggling to know how to cope with the sex stuff when it happens. I'm not naïve enough to think they're not doing things already or thinking about having sex but I don't really know what I should be doing, if anything.
I'm not prudish but she's our only child, so I'm in ­unchartered waters. We've always been open about awkward subjects, so she's pretty open with us, too.
I'm anticipating she might ask if he can stay over at our house and I don't know what to say to that.
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When I think back to when I was her age, I ­remember trying to out-manoeuvre my parents and find places to be alone with my boyfriend.
How did you cope with all of this with your kids?
Coleen says
You're on a winning streak already if you have the kind of relationship with your daughter where you're comfortable talking about stuff.
Why not say something like, 'I don't know if you're having sex or thinking about it but I'm here to talk to if ever you need me'?
The main thing is letting her know that she mustn't be afraid to confide in you and it opens the door to discussing all the important issues around sex.
I've always had very open relationships with my kids – there's nothing we can't talk about. But I've still found out things I didn't know were going on when they were teens.
We have to accept that teenagers don't want to share everything with their parents and that's fine, as long as they can ask for support when they need it without you flying off the handle.
As far as sleeping over, that's a personal thing. You could say he can stay on the couch or in the spare room (just expect they might sneak around at night because that's what I did!)
But if you think by not letting them sleep in your house they're not going to have sex, you're wrong. If they want to do it, they'll find somewhere else.
It is a weird moment as a parent when your child's partner stays over but it's weird for them, too.
I think when they're in an established relationship with someone, it feels different, and you'll probably find that things work out naturally over time.