All Hail Louisiana, where left-lane hogs can now go to jail

Globe and Mail

2 days ago

Not all heroes wear capes. Some are Louisiana Democratic state senators. Senator Wendell Jay Luneau, who has represented District 29 since 2016, is my hero. A small-business owner and the senior partner at the personal injury law firm Luneau & Beck, LLC, he epitomizes everything that is right and just in the American political system.
What has Louisiana Senator Luneau done to earn my boundless adulation?
He made it possible to jail left-lane hogs who drive slowly and clog the passing lane (which Louisianans call 'left-lane camping'). If a motorist in the left lane of a four-lane highway (two lanes going each direction) drives even one single mile an hour below the speed limit, they can be fined.
All thanks to Louisiana Senate Bill 11, which Luneau sponsored and championed. It was signed by the Governor and became Louisiana state law on Aug. 1. 'I saw first-hand a lot of people driving in the left lane and blocking traffic,' Luneau told the Louisiana media. 'It is dangerous because when you get up there people get aggravated, they get mad, they try to switch lanes.' This, he says, can lead to deadly crashes.
Bill 11 is a beautiful piece of legislation, poetic in its simplicity. It states, 'Any vehicle proceeding on a multilane highway at a speed slower than the posted maximum speed limit shall be driven in the right hand lane then available for traffic, or as close as practicable to the right hand curb or edge of the roadway, except when overtaking and passing a vehicle proceeding in the same direction or when preparing for a left turn at an intersection or into a private road or driveway. Persons in violation of this Paragraph shall be punished as follows:
(a) A fine of $150 for the first offense.
(b) A fine of $250 for a second subsequent offense within a 12-month period of the first offense.
(c) A fine of $350 for a third subsequent offense within a 12-month period of the first offense or imprisonment for not more than 30 days, or both.'
Shift over Shakespeare. Take a seat Emily Dickinson. Stand down Sappho. Cut it out Catullus. Put a sock in it Mister Keats. Senator Luneau's law, with passages such as 'imprisonment for not more than 30 days' is the most exquisite verse ever set to paper in the last three millennia.
It was already illegal to left-lane camp in Louisiana; drivers who travelled less than 10 miles an hour below the speed limit in the left lane of a four-lane highway could be fined. The 10-mph leeway made it hard for police to enforce. 'So,' Luneau explained, 'What I did is just made this bill where it's a little easier for them to write the tickets, gave them some more discretion and increased the fines, so we can try to get some of those folks that insist on driving in the left lane side by side to stop doing that.'
The fines are steep but what really sets this law apart is the fact that repeat offender left-lane hogs can be jailed.
Jailed! Jailed!
This is a dream come true. It is the Holy Grail. It is winning the Super Bowl, Wimbledon, the World Series and two World Cups combined. Oh, to hear the bars of the prison door clank shut on a left-lane hog who habitually crawled along in the passing lane. What sweet music they would make.
Some people consider driving slow in the passing lane 'a pet peeve.' Regular readers know that, to me, it is a deep and abiding loathing. In past columns, I have suggested firing missiles at the offenders. It should therefore come as no surprise that I am already looking into applying for American citizenship and moving to the great state of Louisiana.
The Louisiana Radio Network reports that Luneau's law already has a theme song. It was suggested by Senator Royce Duplessis on the senate floor.
Duplessis: 'Have you heard of the artist, Ludacris?'
Luneau: 'I have.'
Duplessis: 'Okay.'
Luneau: 'Met him, in fact.'
Duplessis: 'Okay. Have you ever heard a song by Ludacris called 'Move, get out the way?''
Luneau: 'I have.'
Duplessis: 'Okay.'
Luneau: 'I think that would be a great song, man.'
A great song for the world's greatest law.