RTO = XOXO

Business Insider

4 days ago

Caelan Hughes tried online dating while living in New York for eight years and tells me it was "a nightmare," with each date bringing the pressure of high romantic expectations. In 2022, she moved back to her home state of Hawaii to take a job at a local news station, which also brought her back into the office. At first, she was reluctant to trade her cozy work-from-home setup for a commute and cubicle. Then, she found an unexpected benefit.
At her first company Christmas party, she met her now partner, Jensen Wong. "That is one perk of going back to the office," Hughes, 32, tells me. The two became friends over the coming months as they continued to see each other around the office, and eventually started dating. Hughes says the pair thought they were hiding their feelings, but a coworker snapped a photo of Wong hanging out by Hughes's desk with a smile — a shot that looks like a classic Jim and Pam scene from "The Office" — and texted it to her, insinuating the two should date. They may not have been as sly as they thought, but Hughes says she preferred building their connection in a more drawn-out and organic courtship to meeting up for drinks with strangers on apps.
"The difference was astronomical," Hughes tells me. "We were friends first. We talked. We really got to know each other."
As workers have returned to office buildings, they've brought their search for love with them. While hooking up with coworkers is often considered taboo, half of workers have engaged in an office romance, a 2024 survey from the Society for Human Resource Management (SHRM) found. Another 2024 survey from résumé writing company Resume Builder found that nearly a third of workers between 18 and 44 have started an office romance since being required to come into the office at least once a week. With people spending long, sometimes stressful hours together, drinking after work, and forging common work enemies, the workplace has long been ripe for bonding. From romance novels to shows like sitcom "Parks and Recreation," and the thriller "Severance," to the on-the-nose 2025 Hallmark movie "Return to Office," finding a soulmate who sits just steps away is a well-trodden, beloved narrative. In short, RTO = XOXO.
Scouring cubicles for viable love interests has its risks, but more young singles are willing to take them as they grow increasingly frustrated with swiping through strangers on dating apps. Many Gen Zers and millennials are starting to prefer meeting potential love interests IRL. But with people drinking at bars less frequently, that leaves run clubs, speed dating, pottery classes, and the place where many are forced to show up day after day — the workplace. Coldplay-gate gave us all a reminder of what not to do when you start feeling butterflies for a coworker, but there are people mixing love and work with far less controversy, and younger workers say they find blurring those lines less problematic than older generations did. A majority of managers also say office romance has a positive effect on their teams, the survey from the SHRM found. Crushes tend to make people put their best foot forward and can boost morale — but they can also lead to distractions and drama if feelings are unrequited.
Scouring cubicles for viable love interests has its risks, but more young singles are willing to take them as they grow increasingly frustrated with swiping through strangers on dating apps.
While a loud chorus of workers want to stay home and work in sweatpants until they retire, a quieter contingent wants to work in-person, to learn the ropes from superiors, and because they have corporate FOMO. "It just depends on the stage of life that you're in," says Julia Toothacre, a career consultant. "That's why we're seeing so many more of the younger generation be OK going back into office or wanting that experience so that they can expand their social circle."
They haven't been in the workplace for long, but Gen Z is eagerly looking for love, or at least a hookup. They're most likely to have had an intimate relationship with a coworker: 45%, compared to 42% of Millennials, 35% of Gen Xers, and 21% of Boomers, according to a 2024 survey of 1,000 US workers from Resume Genius conducted with Pollfish. Gen Zers were also the most likely to report having a relationship with their manager.
The data from SHRM also shows the taboo is waning for younger workers. Nearly 60% of Millennials and 49% of Gen Z say workplace romance has become more accepted, compared to just 25% of Baby Boomers. "It's suggesting that there might be some shifts happening in terms of acceptance and attitudes towards workplace romance," says Ragan Decker, a manager of commercial research at SHRM. "We shouldn't be afraid of workplace romances, as long as we're prepared with the right policies and communication in place to proactively manage them." SHRM's survey also asked more than 2,000 HR professionals about their policies regarding office romances. Just 5% of respondents said they had strict policies that discouraged or banned them, while nearly 30% said they did not have any policies or were developing some. Another third said they handle them on a case-by-case basis, and a third said they have policies that permit romances with clear boundaries.
Some of the workplace butterflies may be driven more by what social psychologists call the 'proximity principle' than by compatibility. Seeing people frequently can increase our attraction to them, whether platonic or romantic. Think of this as the slow burn — one day, your coworker is just someone in wrinkled khakis at the water cooler, but over time, you notice and appreciate their quirks or hidden strengths. Dating apps operate entirely differently, banking on initial attraction between people who may have few to no connections or common interests.
The proximity principle is one Cassie Richardson, a 32-year-old working in retail in Tennessee, says she knows well. Richardson tells me she's had a handful of workplace crushes since starting her career, and just one that turned into a situationship. It didn't end well. As she found herself falling deeper into her feelings for her coworker, she realized, "I would not even approach this person if I were outside of this store," she says. Now, Richardson says, she wouldn't mix work and love again, though she understands the appeal of falling for someone working alongside you in a world where it's hard to connect with new people. "I have to work really hard to go out and do things and meet people," Richardson says. "After working eight hours a day for 40 hours a week, that can be exhausting."
Sparks can fly even when workers are remote. A 2025 survey from résumé writing site Zety found 62% of people had sent a flirty message over platforms like Slack, Microsoft Teams, or email. When Isabel Amat started her first software developer job in 2021, she met her coworkers first over Zoom. She thought one was cute, but it wasn't until she started going to the office that fall that she realized how much she liked her fellow software engineer. The two went out for a solo happy hour after their coworkers bailed and stayed for five hours. Amat tells me the restaurant manager brought them a round on the house, comping the drinks because the staff thought they were a cute couple. "We were like, 'We're coworkers,' and the guy scoffed in our faces. He was like, 'not for long,'" Amat says.
That snide remark opened the door for the pair to talk about the chemistry everyone else could see that they had been denying. "I was so relieved." Days later, they went on a real date, and nearly four years later, they're still together, although Amat has taken a different job. "I don't think that would have happened if we weren't in person every day, talking every day," she tells me. "I maybe would have had a crush, and then it probably would have eventually fizzled out because we're not seeing each other."
For every workplace romance that lasts, there are others that devolve into awkwardness, broken hearts, and HR issues. Half of workers seem to think it's worth the risk. With more people seeing the office as a hot spot for singles, you may notice more of your coworkers coupling up. Maybe a bad morning commute could lead to happily ever after.