Could there be something fishy going on here?
'It's not actually 'menswear',' he informs us. 'It's 'men swear'.'
Andrew elucidates further: 'I was only ever in Slater's clothing store once,' he says, 'and left after being told there was nothing wrong with their jackets… the problem was my body.'
Potty plotting
The world's richest fella, Elon Musk, loves to rattle off messages on his social media account on X, which he owns.
Bob Wallace from Pollokshields tells us his greatest ambition (apart from appearing in the Diary) is to bag a job as Elon's PR chief, where he would help Elon get his message across more clearly, especially when it comes to X posts about his rocket-building business, SpaceX.
Thus, says Bob, if Elon writes that an unmanned rocket ship has a 'rapid unscheduled disassembly", Bob can translate to… 'it blew up in mid-air.'
And when Elon says a rocket "experienced a major anomaly", Bob can point out that 'it blew up on the ground'.
Bob tells the Diary: 'I was quite happy daydreaming about this until my wife informed me that I had experienced 'a rapid unscheduled disassembly,' which she explained was better than saying: "You've lost the plot.'
Weather woes
Perusing a BBC Scotland news article on their website about the completion of works on the island of Staffa's jetty and steps, reader David Morrow noticed that one photo had the most Scottish caption of all time, for it read: 'The weather was disrupted at times by bad weather.'
Absorbing this information, David says gloomily: 'I guess this means that summer must be here…'
Ancient amore
Business-minded Ian Noble from Carstairs Village says: 'I'm about to establish an online dating agency restricted to the over 75s called Carbon Dating. Reckon I'm on to a winner.'
Bliss on boat
More about the Scottish climate and its acolytes.
Margaret Thomson was on a cruise round the Western Isles.
The weather was perfect. Blue skies. Calm waters.
On board the boat was an Australian woman who was ecstatic about the scenery, racing round deck with her camera, going snap-happy.
After a while she sat down and enthused: "I had no idea that Scotland was so very beautiful!"
With slightly less enthusiasm, a fellow passenger retorted: "Come back in November, hen."
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