Are our ‘lost boys' really being failed?

The Guardian

16-03-2025

The idea that society is failing young men needs to be treated with caution ('Jobless, isolated, fed misogynistic porn… where is the love for Britain's lost boys?', Comment).
Suicide rates are flimsy evidence that men struggle more than women. Death by suicide is indeed more prevalent in men; however, women make more suicide attempts.
As a professional educator, I am also concerned by unexamined implications that girls are more successful than boys in school because the system favours them. Educators often spend more time and energy on boys than girls.
Sexist attitudes do harm boys' outcomes: students who expect instant rewards for their efforts, or who cannot accept failure, will tend to fare worse;, and boys do socialise in ways that emphasise boisterous behaviour, which is hardly compatible with academic success. However, while girls outnumber boys at university, boys still make up the majority of many prestigious courses. The supposed 'reverse gender gap' is already instrumentalised to discriminate against women. A critical outlook is more necessary than ever.Cécile Cristofari
Aix-en-Provence, France
This article is spot on. As a mother of three boys aged 19, 14 and eight, I've seen myself how ill equipped they are for the world despite our best efforts. Those who thrive seem to be those who embrace their more feminine attributes whereas boys who feel or act more 'boyish' seem unsure of their place.
And I've seen how men themselves struggle to find meaning and connection, and not just young men. I work in mental health and without exception the men I see are isolated and lonely.
What is needed is a new network of boys' and men's clubs, like scouts or Men In Sheds, run for boys and men by men, that emphasise healthy friendships and activities, not solely about sport or machismo. Boys and men need healthy male spaces.Kate Darach
Brighton
Simon Tisdall ('Being Putin's stooge won't win Trump a peace prize. The Order of Lenin, though, is in the bag', Comment) sums up the situation.
But I detect a running theme in much commentary: bad as Trump is, a presidential term lasts only so long, and then you have to hold elections. All the opposition have to do is to find the correct attack megaphone. But what if there aren't any more elections? A large majority of the Republican party are probably not especially worried. At best, the people may be offered the sort of election favoured in Russia or China.
So maybe we should be looking to this as the next threat to the established order? After all, Trump and company have the best part of four years to work on it.John Boothby
Lowton, Warrington
I am depressed to read your article ('Soaring service charges mean 'affordable housing' is being mis-sold, say residents'). Housing Associations in the heyday of shared ownership were led by housing-oriented individuals. As housing authorities grew ever bigger, the accountants took over control and leadership and appear to have become more interested in the balance sheet and corporate reputation than customer service, with ever increasing stories of poor and often dangerous maintenance failures and increasing costs for residents.
These large, remote landlords need to be dismantled and power restored to residents.Mike Annan (former housing association CEO)
Thornbury, Gloucestershire
The eminent lawyers, judges and academics who wrote in support of Kim Leadbeater's amendment to her terminally ill adults bill (Letters,) describe the new proposal – which would swap the high court judge for a panel comprising a lawyer, a social worker and a psychiatrist – as sensible and practical, and as guarding against any misuse.
They don't mention the glaring limitation of this proposal, which is that there is no requirement for the panel members to ask questions of the patient. Without this, there can be no meaningful assessment, for example, of capacity or coercion. Presented as an important layer of scrutiny, the proposed panel needs do little more than check the paperwork.
At the second reading of this bill, parliamentarians were assured this would be the safest assisted dying law in the world. Found to be unworkable, and unsupported by senior judges, the high court safeguard has now been abandoned. In its place, a panel that doesn't even need to ask questions of the person requesting lethal drugs. It may make the bill more practical. But it does not make it more safe. Prof Katherine Sleeman, Laing Galazka Chair in Palliative Care, Cicely Saunders Institute; Dr Sarah Cox, President, Association for Palliative Medicine of Great Britain and Ireland
I read Martha Gill's article ('The Sussexes have to earn their bread somehow, so let them make cake', Comment) with interest. She's correct, Meghan's latest series is dreadful. I didn't last 10 minutes. However, I don't agree that the Sussexes are indiscreet, or their lives for sale. They're extremely guarded about certain aspects of it.
Meghan's only doing what other royals have done. More to the point, Meghan had a lifestyle line before she met Harry.
My only wish is that the Sussex's media output was a bit more interesting.Richard T Taylor
London W5
I was saddened but not surprised to hear of another vital charity facing closure due to funding cuts ('Tell Mama monitoring group facing closure after funding pulled by government', News). Running a small charity is a labour of love, but the relentless pressure of securing funding and supporting vulnerable communities takes a severe toll on the mental health of charity leaders. Having worked in the sector for 20 years, I've never seen the funding landscape as bleak as it is now. Demand for our services is soaring, yet funding is shrinking — leaving small charity leaders like me under immense stress and anxiety.
The biggest burden is securing funding. With the cost-of-living crisis, public donations have fallen, grant funding has collapsed, and competition is fierce. Unlike larger charities, small organisations operate on a knife-edge, with leaders shouldering the responsibility of ensuring their team gets paid and services continue. This pressure is relentless and isolating, causing severe mental health struggles with small charity leaders experiencing awful impacts like burnout, suicidal thoughts, or hospitalisation.
Beyond financial stress, the emotional weight is enormous. As a leader, I carry not only my own stress but also the burden of my team and the families we support.
Yet, there remains a frustrating lack of understanding about what small charities do. We're treated as a 'nice to have' rather than vital services. We're constantly asked to justify our need for funding, despite filling gaps left by failing public services.
Real change is needed. Small charities must be properly funded and supported. Leaders must also unite and advocate for themselves, ensuring their wellbeing is prioritised. We do this work because it matters – but without systemic change, burnout will remain an ever-present threat and more charities could face closure.Emma Cantrell, CEO, First Days children's charity
Wokingham, Berkshire
The article by a mother ('I adore my children. I'm also scared my son might one day kill me', News) highlights the psychiatric burden that so many families carry on behalf of their mentally ill children. While many mothers are finely tuned to the fluctuating moods of their children, this information is disregarded by the healthcare profession. Instead, a brief interaction with an unfamiliar mental health worker takes precedence over the experience informed by the long-standing relationship. The consequent outcomes can be tragic.Jane Sheehy
London SE3
I worked for over 35 years in HMRC, where we had performance-related pay since 1993 ('Starmer's civil service reform plans raise fears of Musk's Doge agendaUnions on alert as Labour prepares to unveil 'Trumpian' plan for civil service', News, last week). The vast majority of civil servants are not 'mandarins', they are administrative staff, most of whom are poorly paid.
The people I left behind in HMRC do a stressful, soul-destroying job. They deserve better from a government that claims to be on the side of 'working people'.Jim Simpson
Padfield, Derbyshire
This disgraceful case ('Pregnant, sitting on the floor – then unjustly fined for fare dodging') highlights the appalling overcrowding that has been regularly occurring for years.
The fact is that train companies and government have both been hiding behind the Office of Rail and Road's narrow definition of safety, which deems trains safe no matter how many people are on board and thus permits the unrestricted sale of tickets. Overcrowding is a business model and a policy. The situation is inherently unsafe. Under these circumstances toilets cannot be accessed nor can medical help reach a sick person. Platforms also become overcrowded and unsafe.
Until government ministers wake up to the fact that this situation cannot be justified.Dr Stephen Wilson
Oxford
For a dissertation on mice, I built a square, walled grid to measure frequency of defecation by the subjects. Most pellets appeared in the central squares, fewer adjacent to the walls and fewest in the corner squares. Perhaps Geoff Dyer ('Best seat in the house... why sitting in a corner is so satisfying', New Review, last week) is just trying, subconsciously, to be a good citizen.Duncan Macpherson
Teddington, London