Heartwarming: well-to-do Aucklanders finally get a political win

The Spinoff

3 days ago

Balmoral residents insisted they were from Epsom, not grotty Mt Albert, and they spammed the Representation Commission with complaints until it agreed.
For many huge nerds politically attuned patriots, the Representation Commission's final adjustments to the electorate boundaries for next year's general election dropped with the clanging thud of failure. Following the announcement of the proposed changes in March, 717 objections and counter-objections were submitted by concerned members of the public. Ryan Maguire had attempted to redraw the country's entire political map, writing detailed critiques on almost every proposed boundary change. He would find out his feat was, for the most part, an unsuccessful effort to push a democratic rock up a bureaucratic hill. Mark Croucher would not be placed in the Whangārei electorate, despite, as per his submission, living 15 minutes from Whangārei. Neither would the Labour Party succeed in changing the Northcote electorate's name to Kaipātiki, in line with feedback it had received.
But at least one plucky group of upstarts could claim a win from the commission's announcement. Residents of a well-to-do corner of what some cartographers might controversially claim is Balmoral got the news they wanted, finding out they will remain in the plush Act electorate of Epsom and not the grotty, Labour-infested nearby outpost of Mt Albert.
Finally, you might say, a win for wealthy Aucklanders. But it didn't come without a lot of hard graft. Of the 636 objections submitted to the Representation Commission on its proposed nationwide adjustments, 178 came from a small group of streets between St Lukes and the Mt Eden shops.
Despite Google Maps' defamatory insistence they're from Balmoral, the residents of Balmoral Rd and its surrounds told the commission they identify as being from Mt Eden, and in an electoral sense, Epsom. Whole families wrote identically worded submissions on their total alienation from Mt Albert. 'People in this area look to Mt Eden, not Mt Albert, for their day to day life, eg shopping, amentities [sic], community activities,' wrote Mrs Tracy Peirce. 'People in this area look to Mt Eden, not Mt Albert, for their day to day life, eg shopping, amentities, community activities,' wrote Mr Craig Peirce. 'People in this area look to Mt Eden, not Mt Albert, for their day to day life, eg shopping, amentities, community activities,' wrote Luke and Isaac Peirce.
A host of Mt Albert businesses and places were caught in the crossfire. 'We probably shop at the Dominion Rd Woolworths, walk up Mt Eden on a Saturday (not Mt Albert), go to Mt Eden De Post for a drink (not Albert's Post),' wrote Kevin Adair.
The Albert's Post pub might wonder why it's catching strays, but it has nothing on Mt Albert Grammar. Dozens of submissions echoed a leaflet dropped around alleged Balmoral that claimed the changes would 'split the Epsom Girls Grammar zone'. They raised fears about being forced out of zone for Auckland and Epsom Girls Grammars and toward a less-heralded grammar or even non-grammar school. Those claims were untrue in a literal sense. Electorate boundaries have no impact on school zones. But spiritually and metaphysically, they were persuasive. If the Representation Commission could make the residents of Herbert, Croydon and Fairview Rds vote in the fetid booths of Mt Albert, what was to stop it shuttling their children to, ungrgh, Marist College?
Nothing, was the answer. Some submitters eschewed talk of amenities or school zones and went straight for the jugular, stating they had no truck with the yucky and perhaps even poor people of the neighbouring shire. 'Mt Albert is quite some distance away from us and we have not made the sacrifices to get into the area with its excellent school zones to have it changed to our detriment both practically and financially,' said Shane Farley. 'I voted for David Seymour consistently and find it unpalatable that this right should be taken from me,' said Robyn Cochrane. 'I align my values with Mt Eden area residents, not Mt Albert,' said Mark Tomkins.
Some might see this as a repeat of 2014, when snobbery and 'misinformation about school zones' got the blame for 700 people objecting to being moved out of Epsom and into the Mt Roskill electorate. Indeed, one submitter, Peter Thompson, pointed out that many of the people opposing the proposed adjustment relied on disinformation put out by someone he thought had a 'vested interest in retaining the current boundary settings'. 'Suggested solution,' his submission to the commission read. 'Investigate and expose those responsible for trying to rort the democratic process. Disregard submissions premised on misleading information.'
'Shut the fuck up, Peter,' came the reply, in the form of Friday's decision affirming the Mt Eden-identifying residents of Balmoral. The complainers won. They'll get to stay in the Epsom electorate, along with those with whom their values align. To make up for it, Arch Hill, a suburb separated from Mt Albert by an eight-lane motorway and at least 10 minutes' driving even in good conditions, will be shunted into the electorate currently held by Labour's Helen White. Its residents may be confused by the news, seeing as they're closer to the city centre than the inner west. But there are no grammar schools in Arch Hill. Their objections are unlikely to get much cut-through.