Black dads go public with support for their kids with autism -- and each other

Washington Post

12 hours ago

ATLANTA — When Tyrone Green's youngest son was diagnosed with autism , his wife was immediately ready to get the 3-year-old the support he needed. But Green was stuck: He had questions about his son's future and an overwhelming feeling of loneliness — like no one, not his wife, not his friends, understood his experience.
' ... (M)y wife couldn't understand what I was going through as a Black father, all these hopes and dreams I had for my kid,' said Green, who lives in Michigan. 'She didn't feel the same way.'
In 2021, he joined a Black fathers' support group and met a few other dads eager to discuss their unique challenges. They started their own podcast in 2023 called AutisHIM, a place where Black dads talk about the wins and setbacks of having autistic children.
Green is among a growing number of Black fathers of autistic children looking to be more visible in the national autism conversation through podcasts, nonprofits and summits that specifically address their experience. These men say that their hope is not only to be considered more than sidekicks to mothers of the children, but also to help other Black dads accept autism diagnoses and not prolong getting kids the help that they need.
Autism is a neurodevelopmental disorder that affects how people communicate, process information and interact with the world around them. Federal data shows that since 2020, Black children have had a higher prevalence of autism spectrum disorder than white children — a change experts credit mostly to better awareness of autism in underserved communities.
Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. recently announced plans to have the federal government do a broad study for the causes of autism, even though it's been looked at by researchers for decades. He has said autism is a 'tragedy' that 'destroys families' and that some people with autism will never hold a job, pay taxes or go on dates.
But many people with autism live successful, socially rich and independent lives , which makes a narrative like Kennedy's dangerous, said Michael Hannon, a counseling professor at Montclair State University who studies the social and emotional aspects of autism on Black fatherhood.
It 'can literally diminish hope for any father or father figure or family,' Hannon said of Kennedy's framing of autism.
But affinity groups for Black men who have kids with autism are a successful way to get the dads to engage with their emotions, Hannon said.
'The challenge is convincing people to (talk openly and honestly), because the practice of doing that is rare, not just among Black men, but people in general,' he said, adding that people might think it will reflect on their ability to parent.
Evan Polk said a big part of navigating his 13-year-old daughter's diagnosis was learning to sit with emotions that weren't simply 'happy and mad.' In the beginning, he was very protective.
'I became a helicopter dad,' said Polk, who started AuSome Kicks, an art therapy nonprofit for autistic children near Philadelphia earlier this year. 'I didn't want nobody or nothing to harm her whatsoever. When I found out she was autistic, she'd be outside with knee pads and elbow pads looking crazy.'
He said he later taught his family to be more patient with his daughter, as opposed to traditional parenting styles of being firm and hoping that she would fall in line.
Dr. Berry Pierre said he initially was on the sidelines of his autistic daughter's support team as his wife, Maria Davis-Pierre, did the bulk of advocating.
The Florida couple founded Autism in Black and for the first five years, he said the organization didn't specifically tailor messaging to Black dads.
'Whether it be in schools, the (individual education plan) meetings, the mothers were just there.' Pierre said. 'But as we started to kind of try to go deeper and figure out 'Alright, what's going on? Where are the guys?' we started to realize that a lot of them will be there.'
Many Black dads, Pierre found out, were equally involved as the moms, and Pierre wanted to get more of them talking publicly about autism.
'The dads are there, but we know the general public doesn't realize that yet,' Pierre said. 'So we try to serve as this engine to shine a light on what's really happening. The dads are there, they're attentive. And even with this diagnosis, they're going even harder.'
Some dads, like Nicholas Love in North Carolina, said they first hesitated to openly share their journey of raising their kids with autism in fear that people may not understand.
'I was very guarded for a while in talking about my children both being on the spectrum,' said Love, who is CEO of the marketing agency The Kulur Group. 'Even in how you take pictures that you upload on social media, being cognizant and thinking about, 'Well is this a picture that looks, dare I say, the perception of what normal looks like?''
Now, he's an open book about them, is understanding when employees need a little extra time for urgent family needs and has advocated that men receive more paid leave so they will have time to be more involved with their kids.
'I got to a point where it's like, 'OK, this is my reality … I need to do my part in normalizing this,' Love said.
Green said that while his podcast and platforms like Autism in Black make it easier for Black fathers to share their stories of their kids' wins and losses, he'd like to see 'more support groups out there, more podcasts, more conversations.'
'I see a lot of Black women doing their thing and I highly appreciate that, but I think there definitely needs to be more conversations surrounding (Black fatherhood and autism) because, for myself, I'm a Black man,' Green said. 'I have a Black family, but this is never really the topic of discussion.'
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