The Unexpected Ways a Scuba Diving Lesson Helped Me Bond With My Teen Daughter

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6 hours ago

One dad let his teen quit their scuba diving course and learned a valuable lesson about bonding in the process.
We're sailing aboard a large white catamaran through the crystal clear turquoise waters of Turks and Caicos, the glimmering sand of the Beaches resort off in the distance. The view is so stunning, even my newly minted teen, Kavya, would hit the pause button on her instinctive sassiness to take in the natural beauty of it all.
Instead of relaxing at one of the many pools or enjoying the experience of our first ever butler suite at Beaches Resort, we've spent the last 24 hours training for our big scuba diving adventure. First, we took a technical course with online exams and mathematical equations. Then we did two intensive pool sessions, legs and arms sore from the scuba swimming muscles we needed to use! The moment we've been waiting for is almost here as our instructor is about to place the helmets upon our heads, an honor quite akin to a knighting ceremony.
I take a deep breath. This is it. My chance to bond with Kavya over a new experience.
Kavya tugs on my arm, her nose is scrunched up, eyebrows discombobulated. It's the same expression she uses when she does math or we ask her to pick up her own clothes from the living room floor—this is apparently a 'chore.' I immediately see there is a whirlwind of emotions building up underneath all her aquatic armor. Just as the instructor is swimming up behind her, she hammers the nail into the coffin: 'Papa, is it okay if I quit?'
The calmness I felt just a minute ago transforms into panic as the waves sound much louder, the scuba gear grows heavier.
I surprise myself by not saying what I would say under any normal circumstances: Quitting is not an option. Following through matters. Important to overcome your fears. Not even: Bro, what about my article?
I pull her into what I think is going to be a tender, clunky hug, but because I look like those inflatable waving tube people, it ends up with me flailing wildly splashing water at her instead.She returns to the boat. And it seems, just like that, our bonding moment has slipped away.
How Bonding Changes As Our Kids Grow
Bonding with Kavya was much easier when she was little because I knew all the things she liked. I knew her favorite shows, her favorite color, and that she would always be down for whatever adventure I put in front of her, whether it was a wild rickshaw ride in India, a dumpling crawl in New York City's Chinatown, or skipping school to attend New York Comic Con in our finest homemade cosplay. She'd be ready to go within 10 minutes, hair all over the place, clothes decorated with joy and chocolate and life. She was always excited to hang with her Papa, capital P.
Fast forward to the pre-teen years, when she realized she had options and her own interests, which I had become inadvertently distanced from. Her favorite colors now fluctuated between purple, red, and green, her favorite shows and foods were in a state of continual flux. Then came the dreaded sighs, the rolling of the eyes, and the apathetic 'I guess so' response to almost any activity I suggested.
So my hopes were high when I saw that Beaches: Turks and Caicos offered an included (yes, included!) scuba diving certification course.
My son Shaiyar, 11, immediately dismissed the idea of doing anything other than eating ice cream and spaghetti and laying around the beach. But Kavya was curious. Intrigued even. When I suggested we do it together, she was genuinely excited, just like she used to be.
The way she responded brought me back to those old days—the days when we used to try new things together. We always pushed through the challenges because it was a Papa-Daughter adventure. Scuba diving felt like another chapter in that story: hard, yes, but something we could figure out together. I didn't expect the weight of her quitting to hit so suddenly.
The Surprising Way You Can Connect Through Quitting
Despite the unexpected turn during our scuba lesson, the rest of our trip was the stuff vacations are made of. We roamed around with our stomachs dictating our next moves, lounging at the beach and swimming in the many pools, had a blast at the waterpark, and tried all the amazing food at the million restaurants specialty restaurants.
And maybe that was Kavya's point. There's joy to be found in the quiet moments too, the time we spend just being together, reading books on the beach or playing Scrabble in the hotel room. Or hunting for seashells on the resort's pristine beaches. And, of course, our biggest adventure, eating all of that delicious all-inclusive food, from steak to octopus.
One day, while laying by a cabana near the pool, eating thick juicy hamburgers, Kavya looked over at me and said, 'Maybe next vacation, we can try the scuba certification again.'
This might not have been the exact bonding adventure I was expecting, but it was the one we needed. And, most importantly, it underscored the idea that bonding doesn't need to be so prescriptive. It's okay for things to just be fun.
is an ocean-front resort that provides scuba diving training and certification as part of the resort's all-inclusive offerings.
Read the original article on Parents
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