'Why didn't my mum try harder?' Woman serving jail time confronts painful past in Mother's Day visit, Lifestyle News

AsiaOne

10-05-2025

At first glance, the classroom could have belonged to any school — blue student tables, a teacher's desk and a whiteboard.
But the lack of windows and the presence of correctional officers were quiet reminders that this was no ordinary class.
Inside, nine women sat waiting for something more personal than just teachers.
This was a rare opportunity for them to reconnect with their mothers or daughters.
Among the nine inmates was Sarah*, a 21-year-old serving her third sentence for a meth-related offence.
She has been behind bars since 2022 and is expected to be released between February and April 2026.
Sarah's relationship with her mum, Nora*, has long been marked by pain and abandonment. But as they embraced in the classroom that day, you wouldn't have guessed how fractured things were not too long ago. Past wounds
On Monday (May 5), at Institution A4 located within Changi Prison Complex, these women participated in a beauty workshop conducted by beauty brand Benefit Cosmetics Southeast Asia in collaboration with the Yellow Ribbon Project to mark Mother's Day.
But while the session provided tangible takeaways on skincare basics and makeup techniques, it was about so much more than just beauty advice.
Inmates and their mothers or daughters took this as a chance to rebuild their relationship and regain confidence in preparation for life beyond the prison walls.
For Sarah, the cosmetics was secondary to the moment of emotional intimacy this special day provided her.
"I miss her touching my face. It's not about the makeup, [today] is about my mum," she said.
During the interview with AsiaOne, both mother and daughter would get slightly distracted as they broke into laughter, enjoying each other's presence.
Could you blame them?
Their last meeting was in December 2024, when Nora visited for Sarah's birthday. Prior to that, their relationship was far from rosy.
From a young age, instability and precariousness had become part of Sarah's reality.
She recalled being kicked out of her grandmother's home with her mother, admitting that it felt like an "us against the world" moment.
However, that sense of mother-daughter unity would quickly fade.
When Nora remarried soon after, her attention shifted towards her new husband and Sarah was left behind.
"I gave up custody to her father [when she was 12]...and I could feel the attention I gave to her get lesser and lesser," the 51-year-old mum admitted.
Sitting beside her mother in a prison classroom, Sarah asked the question that had been weighing on her mind all these years: "Why didn't my mum try harder?"
The silence that followed spoke louder than any words ever could.
Regardless, Sarah did her best to rationalise Nora's actions, perhaps as a defence mechanism.
She pondered aloud: "Maybe she had other responsibilities. She needed to fulfil her husband's needs.
"Cannot be 24 hours with the kid, right? My mum also needed to take care of her parents, too." Road to forgiveness
In October 2023, then 19-year-old Sarah became a mother herself.
When Sarah spoke with AsiaOne about her young son turning two later this year, Nora's face lit up with pride — a grandmother cherishing this opportunity to build bonds with a new family member.
It seemed like the arrival of Sarah's child became a catalyst for healing the bond between mother and daughter.
"It's not a bad thing when I say that I don't want to become like my mum," Sarah said.
"It is just a reminder for me to not neglect him, because I know how that feels and it's not nice to put that on my son."
Sarah quickly turned to her mother to reassure her that those words came without malice.
And while she noted that a younger Sarah used to be clumsy and awkward with her "I love yous", this was something she wanted to change moving forward.
"I want to say 'I love you' and thank you for sticking by, even if it is only since last December. Because if there's no you, there's no me... and I'm trying," Sarah said.
For her own son, Sarah is determined to not have him follow in her footsteps and wants to do her best to provide him with the stability and love her growing up years lacked. A mother's redemption arc
Nora, too, is on her own journey of change.
It wasn't too long ago that Sarah handed her some hard truths, relating to her mum not putting any effort in their relationship.
Nora did not deny any of this, adding: "I did not see her in prison for the longest time."
When asked why, she paused to collect herself. Part of the reason, she admitted, was the influence of her then-husband.
But Sarah's letters from prison eventually proved to be a turning point and Nora realised her absence in Sarah's life deeply affected her daughter.
"I could not expect her to change if I wasn't willing to change as well," she said.
With that, prison visits became more regular and this shift in her mum's behaviour felt like an answered prayer.
Despite "being like this" — a quiet reference to her past struggles with addiction — Sarah too, like many others, reached out to God during her moments of darkness.
"I asked God to open my mother's heart and help her see that I can make her happy," she said.
Holding back tears, an emotional Nora made a promise to her daughter.
"I [will] try my best to be a good mother until my final days... I cannot, and will not, abandon her like how I did the past few years." Keeping the faith
As Sarah awaits her release in 2026, both mother and daughter know their journey together is far from over.
"First and foremost, I really urge her to get out of this place. Then, we can [mend] all these holes and reconcile our past," Nora said.
She also brought up faith, suggesting they could learn the teachings of Islam together, in hopes that the values imparted can provide a moral compass to steer their lives and relationship forward.
Though their past is scarred by absence, pain and missed chances, Sarah and Nora seem to be taking ownership of what lies ahead.
In the small windowless classroom in Institution A4 that Monday afternoon, both women took an extra second to revel in each other's company.
"I will stick by you," Nora whispered through tears.
"No matter what."
*Pseudonyms were used to conceal the individual's identity.
[[nid:682776]]
[e-mail]