Cardiff mum creates documentary on postpartum depression
She convinced herself that Parker didn't love her, as he'd cry in her arms and settle down when visitors were present.
Sydnee realised something was wrong when she started having graphic visions when her son was two months old.
Sydnee suffered from graphic visions when Parker was two months old (Image: Supplied) She recalled changing his nappy and having illusions of Parker lifting his head and throwing it back down or bathing him and him drowning.
Sydnee, a media and film graduate, from Cardiff, said: "I loved my baby, but I didn't think he loved me. I was adamant that he'd be better off without me.
"I'd be driving and suddenly think 'should I drive off and kill us both?' 'He doesn't want to be with me'. I was petrified from going out driving."
Sydnee found out she was pregnant unexpectantly when she was just 18.
She had just been accepted into the University of South Wales but decided to still go, hiding her baby bump under baggy clothes for the first semester.
Sydnee gave birth to Parker in December 2022 and immediately started to grapple with the feeling that he didn't love her.
Sydnee juggled university and raising Parker before graduating (Image: Supplied) She said: "I was trying to be the perfect person for everyone. I was determined to prove everyone wrong.
"I don't remember much from when he was first born - I was in my head.
"From the moment he was born I'd have visitors all the time. By myself my baby was always crying and I'd be trying to settle him. A visitor would come over and he'd be completely still. That would upset me because I'd think I'm the problem."
Sydnee's visions became worse when Parker was around two months old and she went to her doctor after five months of dealing with them. She was then diagnosed with postpartum depression.
She was offered tablets but chose to see if she could manage it herself first – but she urges mums to discuss all options with a medical professional before making any decisions.
She slowly got better by finding other mum friends and opening up about her struggles to friends and family. She joined apps and got into a better routine.
Now she is graduating from her media and film course after producing a documentary on the subject - called 'Broken by Birth'.
Alongside this achievement and raising Parker, Sydnee was also crowned Miss Cardiff 2025 and will compete to be Miss Great Britain in October this year.
She's now striving to help others talk more openly about postpartum struggles.
Sydnee has made a documentary about her struggles with postpartum depression (Image: Supplied) Sydnee said: "No women should feel embarrassed. I still have visions from time to time, but they are not awful.
"I'm happier and I openly speak about postpartum depression.
"Just because you're a young mum doesn't mean your life is over."
The NHS says self-help, talking therapy and antidepressants can be used to treat postnatal depression but to speak to a GP, midwife of health visitor if you think you may have it.
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