Herd on the Terrace: Helen Lofthouse, David Clarke show sugarcoating way to go on ASX
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Birthday cakes have become the new battleground for fathers. I blame Hamish Blake
Nobody has fun at children's birthday parties. Not the guests forced to attend, not the parents forced to host and definitely not the child whose birthday it is. From start to finish, they are an obligation to be met and a box to be ticked, the only saving grace being the promise of a lolly bag before leaving. I know this because I attend them regularly, the consequence of having a toddler in daycare. Too many weekends spent singing Happy Birthday to children whose names I struggle to remember. Happy birthday … I want to say, Hazel? No, wait, Maisie? The one thing all these parties have in common, aside from being held at places with names such as FunZone or InflatableWorld, is elaborate birthday cakes made by smug fathers. Last weekend, at a nondescript bowling club in the suburbs, I watched a man loudly announce, 'Cake coming through', before presenting a perfect recreation of the Heeler house from Bluey, complete with Bluey and Bingo playing on the front porch (which was made from fondant). Everyone congratulated him on a job well done, while he assured us all it was 'No big deal! A piece of cake, literally! Haha!' Admittedly, his daughter (I want to say Stella? No, wait, Ella) looked impressed, playing with the edible front door while her father posed for photos next to his handiwork. If this were an isolated incident, it wouldn't bother me, but over the past couple of years, birthday cakes have become the new battleground for fathers to prove their worth as parents – a uniquely modern problem for which there is one person to blame: Hamish Blake. Now, before we proceed, a disclaimer. Hamish Blake belongs to that select group of famous Australians whom everyone universally loves, right up there alongside Hugh Jackman (pre-divorce) and Cathy Freeman (post-Olympics). He's funny, smart and most importantly, he seems like a regular guy. Sure, he might be a three-time Gold Logie winner and married to the phenomenally successful Zoe Foster Blake, who sold her 51.5 per cent stake of beauty brand Go-To to the ASX-listed beauty conglomerate BWX for $89 million in 2021, but besides that, he's just like you and me!
