Solace in strangers & knowing one is not alone: Rise of support circles

Time of India

a day ago

My mind goes from 0 to 100 in a few seconds, said someone in the circle. "Mine goes from 0 to 1,000!" another reacted. Everyone laughed.
In a session where a group of anxious strangers had gathered in a room to share, the laughter was just the relaxing stimulus that we 'overthinkers' needed to poke a bit of fun at ourselves.
This writer — at her first such support circle meetup at a venue in Gurgaon — realised she was not alone. There was a whole tribe of overthinkers out there, struggling to live because of the anxiety-inducing situations their imaginations create. And here, they found each other.
"My mother has been a little unwell. I quit my job and moved cities to live with her. My mind just goes to the extreme and I act on my first instinct," a fellow participant shared.
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An advertising professional at the session sounded relatable when he said: "If everything is going well in my life and I'm happy, I start thinking about all the worst-case scenarios, everything that could potentially go wrong. It's like a calculation in my head so that I can prepare myself for the worst. I always need to have a plan B."
A copywriter said, "Even if I'm doing great at work, if I don't get praise from my boss or the best performance award, I assume that it's time to start looking for a new job."
"I fear I will never be able to find my purpose in life," said a software engineer, "I keep trying the next exciting thing and then quit in the middle, for fear of failing."
It's so tiring, the constant mental grind, the mind working its way through imagined scenarios at warp speed (while the world wonders why I space out so often). But the burden lifts when you know you're not alone. I came out feeling 10 kilos lighter.
Group therapy, not really
With increased awareness and more conversations about mental health since the Covid-19 pandemic, Delhi-NCR has seen a number of support circles come up in the last couple of years, attended by many in the 20-40 age group.
A small group of people meet and talk about what they're feeling. All sessions are moderated by a psychologist. Hosts make clear, however, that these are not a replacement for therapy, but a support to it. There are many things that bring strangers together — ranging from relationships and loneliness to overthinking, grief and sexual orientation.
A 25-year-old media professional from Surat said it took him a long time to come out to his parents.
When he finally did, they did not take it well. He arrived in Delhi last year and the support circle he found became his "second family". "I have met so many people like me. We all have similar stories — troubled relationships with our families, moving away from home, feeling lonely... all of this unites us," he said.
A 28-year-old lawyer living in Gurgaon had the rug pulled out from under her as her five-year-long relationship ended without warning.
Gradually, she also felt her friends pulling away as all she could talk about was her breakup. In support circles, however, she found comfort and empathy.
Spaces to share
One such circle is 'Stories of Hope' run by Ravnita Singh. The group meets once a month and the organisers keep it to 10 or fewer members.
The circle usually begins with people introducing themselves and sharing their reason for joining. Group activities are organised to make participants comfortable, so they can open up to each other.
"The idea behind this support circle is to give people an arena where they can feel OK sharing anything, especially things that bother them. We have tried to create a non-judgmental space where everyone feels welcome," said Singh.
When she founded Stories of Hope, Singh said, she expected all the participants would be women. To the surprise of the organisers, however, their first session saw only men turn up. "We realised they found it easier to share their feelings with people who didn't know them," Singh said.
Support Circle Delhi-NCR is another community that organises meetups every weekend. Each one has a theme and anyone who relates can join in. Like Singh, its founder Vishal Bisht said his own mental health journey had prompted him to start the sessions.
"It struck me that there must be so many people out there who could be going through something similar. There was no platform where people could just come and talk about their feelings.
So, I thought I should start one, because there are many like me who need someone to reach out to," said Bisht.
At the end of each meetup, Bisht and his team take feedback from participants about the psychologist. "Every psychologist has a different way of working, so we want people to let us know what method worked for them," he added.
Harsheen Vora, founder of Belong, said, "We are here to bring support groups to the country in a way that's here to stay."
Belong functions with the philosophy that conversations about mental health need not be sombre and serious. People attending their sessions can expect group hugs, cheers and fun postcards.
Not for everyone
Not everybody who attends these meetups, however, ends up enjoying them. One of the participants told TOI that she could not stop crying afterwards. "I thought I was unburdening myself but the whole experience made me feel like I had shared too much about my life and myself with complete strangers.
I immediately felt too vulnerable," she said.
Dr Sneha Sharma, consultant psychiatrist at Anvaya Healthcare, said it was essential to apply filters before letting people be part of a group, and an induction process should take place. "In case a person has an acute mental health disorder, we do not recommend they join a support circle because it could trigger them. Only if we think an individual will benefit from conversations there will we encourage them," she said.
Vora said if they felt someone was not comfortable sharing, they would tell them to pick up a card to stop the conversation. "We also get wonderful, sensitive souls who are able to gauge from people's facial expressions that they are uneasy, and either get them a glass of water or offer them a hug."
If participants are open to suggestions, others share the mental health tools or advice that worked for them. In case someone is triggered by the session, the psychologist speaks to them to make sure they have the resources to cope. "Our team always checks in with people after the session," Vora said, "We want to make sure everyone leaving the group is leaving lighter."
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