‘I want women to know that this kind of thing really happens': Wife-rape survivor on telling her story

Straits Times

4 hours ago

Annie (not her real name) hopes her story can encourage other couples to discuss issues openly with each other. ST PHOTO: GIN TAY
'I want women to know that this kind of thing really happens': Wife-rape survivor on telling her story
SINGAPORE – Annie (not her real name) was one of the four victims in a disturbing case where husbands plotted with others to drug their own wives.
The unconscious women were then sexual ly violated.
The man Annie married in 2008 – and has since divorced – was among the seven men who have been convicted and sentenced for their involvement in the ring.
Annie's former husband, who was referred to as J in media reports, had facilitated the most number of rapes.
J got the heaviest sentence of all the men: 29 years in prison and 24 strokes of the cane.
Annie, who is in her 40s and has four children, first contacted The Straits Times through her brother-in-law in 2024, after J appealed for a lighter sentence.
Accompanied by her sister and brother-in-law, Annie wanted her story told.
ST met her a second time in May 2025. By then, all the criminal cases had concluded and her divorce was finalised.
Facing an all-female team of print and visual journalists in ST's newsroom studio, Annie was determined to tell her story.
'I was initially a bit worried about speaking up, because I am not sure if I can face the embarrassment... (but) I want women to know that this kind of thing really happens,' she said.
She was steadfast, while aware she may be judged, adding: 'I know that in the media, everybody is wondering what actually happened, so I hope I can clear the air.'
Annie was also inspired by Ms Gisele Pelicot, a 72-year-old grandmother in France who was raped over a decade by 51 men. Her estranged husband had orchestrated the whole thing.
Ms Pelicot waived her right to anonymity during what she called 'a trial of cowardice'.
The similarities are striking. Both of them learnt of their husbands' betrayal in 2020.
Both were drugged and exploited.
And both were manipulated to believe that all was well.
'I felt, 'Why is this thing happening around (the world)? Why are there wives suffering like that?'
'(Ms Pelicot) suffered much worse than me, and I really pity her... She is very, very brave,' Annie said.
Unlike the Frenchwoman, Annie cannot see herself unveiling her identity any time soon.
'Maybe when I am 80,' she said.
Shame changing sides
Four words Ms Pelicot said during the trial became a rallying cry for women: 'Shame must change sides.'
It echoes with Annie.
While the online chatter was largely directed at the perpetrators, the occasional comment shamed her as it emerged in court that she had had an affair with one of the rapists, identified as O.
Annie said she slept with him to get back at her ex-husband for affairs he had.
She did not have feelings for O; he propositioned her when her relationship with J was at the 'lowest'.
'I felt guilty for doing that. But I felt like I'd been forced to do it,' she said.
The victim-shaming she had to endure was not just from strangers or J.
J's mother submitted letters to the court pleading for leniency. She portrayed her son as a good family man and made mention of Annie's temper.
Annie acknowledged that J did take care of her during their marriage and was not abusive.
'Every time we fought, I was the one who turned abusive. I was the one who wanted to punch him or slap him because I didn't know how to vent my frustration,' she said.
But nothing could justify the cruelty of getting five men to rape her.
'Even if you hate your wife so much, you can just divorce her, let her go,' said Annie.
J's mother also told Annie's children that it was 'her fault' that their father was in jail.
Recalling her former mother-in-law's words, Annie's anger was palpable. 'I hope she can enlighten me. Tell me what kind of fault it is, so that I can avoid it in future.'
Prosecutors called the husbands' betrayal 'gut-wrenching'.
They said: 'When a woman enters into marriage, she entrusts herself to her husband.
'She trusts that the man she sleeps beside will not harm her as she sleeps, she trusts that in sickness, her husband will not poison her with drugs passed off as medicine, she trusts that her husband will keep private their most intimate sexual moments together.'
Instead, the men breached their wives' trust on every front, said the prosecutors.
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J appealed against his sentence.
The man, who was self-represented, told the Court of Appeal that he was appealing out of his love for his wife, children and ageing parents, and that he could not leave his loved ones to 'fend for themselves'.
He said he was not denying that he had done wrong, but was asking for leniency.
He lost his appeal in January 2024 , with Chief Justice Sundaresh Menon describing his sentence as 'lenient'.
Annie has not reached out to the other victims involved as she wants to put the past behind her.
But she hopes her story can encourage other couples to discuss issues openly between husband and wife.
Annie said: 'My advice to all the women out there is to speak up. Don't suffer in silence... don't be like me.'
Selina Lum is senior law correspondent at The Straits Times.
Christine Tan is a journalist at The Straits Times reporting on crime, justice and social issues in Singapore.
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