‘Parenthood is messy': what it's really like to raise a child

The Guardian

10-06-2025

Photographer Kirsten Lewis's book Unsupervised presents a raw, honest look at how some families navigate the challenges and joys of raising children. Spending between 24 and 72 hours documenting each family, over a period of 15 years, Lewis's intimate black and white photographs capture moments in the home lives of a variety of families. The images explore the fullness of parenting, from its sudden dramas to the quiet shared moments. Unsupervised by Kirsten Lewis is published by Daylight books
Kirsten Lewis: 'One of my objectives when being invited into a family's home to photograph is to validate someone's worth by showing them how much they are loved. In my opinion, parenting is the hardest and most underappreciated job one can take on yet it's seemingly taboo to acknowledge this outwardly. Every single parent I have ever spoken to that has shared their struggles is not desiring a different life, just to simply be understood and hear that they are not alone'
The trust between the families and Lewis is evidenced by the level of intimacy she was able to witness and capture with her camera. This project also questions the pressure of perfection widespread across all social media platforms with their carefully 'curated' windows into family life
'Imagine a world where families felt safe enough to live their lives free from the fear of judgment, criticism and inadequacy'
'I made this picture of my daughter when we were in a small village in Iceland back in 2019. She was jumping over puddles when she tripped over a small rock and fell, face first, into the wet pavement. Once I confirmed no teeth were lost and an ER trip was not necessary, I chose to make a picture. I like to lean into uncomfortable and hard moments rather than try to hide or ignore them. With Byrdie, I wanted to honour her brave and adventurous spirit. When I show her this picture she always recalls what happened with a sense of pride for getting through a 'really big fall''
'It can be super hard, as parents, to be kind to ourselves. Between the unrealistic pressures we feel from the outside world and the harsh internal critics we hear inside our hearts daily, it's nearly impossible to step back and acknowledge all the positive impacts we have on our children. I am here to remind every parent that YOUR CHILDREN LOVE YOU'
'One of the ways I see this visually is how young humans watch and mirror their loved ones, especially parents. Due to the unending cycle of meal-making, dish-washing, laundry-folding, mess-cleaning, brawl-breaking, emotion-regulating, fear-alleviating and heart-tending it's quite easy to miss this. The ability to provide evidence of a child's admiration and adoration for their parents is one of the best gifts I can provide as a photographer'
'Life is messy. Parenthood is messy. Childhood is messy. To deny ourselves the freedom to share all the imperfections that come with being a human is not just harmful to ourselves but to humanity as a whole'
'I truly believe that the more we silence ourselves the more divided and disconnected our global community of family becomes. If everyone felt safe enough to share our messiness, giving and receiving the grace to be human would be so much easier'
'The role of parent is a complex one. While we do our best to always operate from our rational, reasonable, informed and prepared adult selves the truth is, the child inside of us surfaces regularly, especially during times of deep insecurity and fear. I think one of the most beautiful experiences in relationships is when we abandon our expected roles and simply show up as humans for our loved ones'
Lewis has watched the effect of how parents share their life with the outside virtual world. Ultimately, this creates a feeling of isolation and loneliness, as parents are completely disconnected from the reality of their life and the tailored one online
'It is my hope that this project helps parents feel less alone, realising that their experience is shared with the global community of parents, to remind us all of how much more we are connected than divided'
'I've spent the last 15 years embedding myself into family life. I've dedicated thousands and thousands of hours observing, studying, relating to and learning from incredible parents and children from diverse communities around the world'
'At the very core of life, humans only want three things: to love, to be loved and to have a safe place to do so'
'At the heart of the human experience and what I believe we all inherently have a right to have safely and freely is relationship. Relationship to ourselves, each other and the world around us'
'My intention is that Unsupervised can serve as a bridge between strangers. When choosing which pictures would sit together on a page I intentionally chose to emphasise the idea that parents are not alone in their everyday lives'
'Ultimately my hope is that readers recognise themselves reflected back in the pictures of strangers, an overlap of shared experiences in childhood and parenthood'
This photographic exploration is an attempt to reveal the similarities Lewis has witnessed by photographing her subjects' vulnerability, challenges, joy and hardships
'While the intention of this book has always been to give the global community of parents an opportunity to be seen, honoured and celebrated, this process has revealed something much more personal. At the end of the day, I created the book I needed'