Seth Meyers: ‘We're just one Epstein story away from Trump announcing that UFOs are real'
Seth Meyers opened his Late Night Closer Look segment on Thursday with clips of Donald Trump explicitly instructing Republicans to talk about Barack Obama stealing an election when asked about Jeffrey Epstein.
'It's like watching a magic trick and it's also a shitty trick,' Meyers laughed. 'But Trump seemed confident that this tactic would work.'
'It's a transparent gimmick,' he added, 'and now he's got his intelligence director fully on board,' as Tulsi Gabbard joined a White House briefing to repeat a conspiracy theory that Obama ordered an investigation into Russia and the 2016 election in order to hurt Trump.
Gabbard called it 'a years-long conspiracy against the American people' and 'an attempt to undermine President Trump's administration'.
'Whatever is in those Epstein files must be really fucking bad,' Meyers mused. 'They must be finding so many mentions of Trump they're going to have to change the name to the Trump files featuring Jeffrey Epstein. They're so desperate to distract everyone, they're claiming that Barack Obama is guilty of treasonous conspiracy and leading a coup against Trump. Barack Obama? The guy couldn't even get away with smoking a cigarette in his own house.'
'I honestly think we're just one Epstein story away from Trump announcing that UFOs are real,' he quipped.
The attempts at distraction keep 'falling flat' because new information about Trump's relationship with Epstein continues to emerge. On Wednesday, the Wall Street Journal reported that in May, the US attorney general, Pam Bondi, informed Trump that his name was in the Epstein files.
'Of course he's in the files!' Meyers exclaimed. 'He knew Epstein for 15 years. Epstein called him his closest friend. I have no idea if Trump committed a crime with Epstein, but the reason we're talking about this at all is because of Republicans who hyped it up for years thinking it would damage their political opponents.'
Meyers then played a clip of conspiracy podcast host turned deputy FBI director Dan Bongino from before the election, goading his audience to keep asking for the Epstein files. 'When you say 'Why have they been hiding it?' the 'they' is you now, bro,' Meyers laughed. 'Guys are going to have to start doing conspiracy theory podcasts about themselves – 'Why am I hiding the Epstein files? Why am I trying to make it go away? Who got to me?!''
On The Late Show, Stephen Colbert also reacted to the Wall Street Journal report that Bondi informed Trump that his name was in the files in May. 'I for one was shocked,' he joked. 'What are you going to tell me next – that the pope is in the Catholic files? That a bear is on the cover of this month's Modern Woodspooper?'
'So we don't know if he was doing the creepy crime, but we do have a cover-up,' he continued. 'And just like the cover-up on his face, it is patchy and there's something really ugly under there.'
Colbert played resurfaced video of Epstein's deposition from 2010, in which he was asked if he ever socialized with Donald Trump in the presence of females under the age of 18. Epstein answered: 'Though I'd like to answer that question, at least today, I'm going to have to assert my fifth, sixth and 14th amendment rights, sir.'
'Not a great sign when the pedophile is being asked if you're doing a pervert ride-along, and their response is 'I'd like to invoke the entire constitution, Magna Carta, the Napoleonic code and just to cover all my bases, let's throw in the entire Cheesecake Factory menu,'' Colbert laughed.
In other bad news for Trump, Epstein's brother has disputed Trump's claim that he ended the friendship with Epstein; according to Mark Epstein, Jeffrey Epstein stopped hanging out with Trump 'when he realized Trump was a crook'.
'Wow, that's extraordinary,' Colbert marveled. 'Jeffrey Epstein breaking it off with you because you're a crook? That's like walking into an intervention organized by Rudy Giuliani.'
Even Pam Bondi's cornea is like, 'Release the Epstein files or I quit!' pic.twitter.com/oEetWdG6ph
Epstein died back in 2019, 'but not since Tupac Shakur has a dead man dropped so many bangers', said Josh Johnson on The Daily Show.
On Wednesday, video of the government's deposition of Epstein in 2010 started making the rounds online, including the question about socializing with Trump in front of females under the age of 18. Johnson took in Epstein's non-answer citing three different amendments – 'I'm going to put that down as a yes,' he said.
'I'll be honest, I've never heard anybody plead anything other than the fifth before,' he added. 'But this guy is so guilty, he's calling out any amendment he can think of.'
Bondi, meanwhile, is nowhere to be seen after the Wall Street Journal report; her next appearance was scheduled for Wednesday night at a CPAC summit on human trafficking, but she dropped out, citing a 'recently torn cornea'.
'Even Pam Bondi's cornea is like, 'Release the Epstein files or I quit!'' Johnson joked.
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