What helped Lili after surviving domestic violence in childhood

Australia Broadcast Center

29-07-2025

Lili Greer remembers a feeling of constant dread during her childhood.
"I was constantly worried for my mum's safety," the 27-year-old from Sydney/Gadigal Country says.
Lili and her mum Tina were victims of domestic and family violence, perpetrated by Tina's boyfriend.
As a child, Lili was exposed to many violent incidents directed mostly towards her mum, and says she felt helpless to stop it.
When Lili was 13, her mum went missing.
An inquest held in 2023, which Lili advocated for, found Tina was murdered "most likely violently" by her now-dead boyfriend.
"My whole world fell apart … Mum was my person, and I was her person. She was my best friend.
"I was concerned about my safety [after Mum went missing]; is this man coming for me? I still have significant issues sleeping from the after-effects of him stalking us."
While Lili says her experience with violence and loss will have lifelong impacts, advocating for change has been part of her healing.
Sneha Sapkota is program coordinator for Engender Equality's Advocates for Change and says advocacy is a chance for victim-survivors to rebuild community and reclaim their voice.
"When you step into advocacy spaces, you get to experience allyship … you get to celebrate strength and resilience."
The Australian Child Maltreatment Study published in 2023 found 39.6 per cent of children under 18 have been exposed to domestic violence.
A third of those reported being exposed to more than 50 incidents.
Tania Farha, CEO of Safe and Equal, says the ways in which children are impacted by domestic and family violence are extensive and profound.
"Exposure to family violence can be damaging to long-term development, physical and mental health, and future relationships," she says.
Ms Farha says meeting developmental milestones, and a secure attachment to caregivers may be disrupted, for example.
Experiencing, and being exposed to, violence as a child stays with people into adulthood.
"When you're a kid, and you experience these things, it impacts your basic sense of security," Ms Farha says.
She says it's "always in the back of your mind" that you may not be able to access food or housing security, for example.
In 2022, Lili founded The Tina Greer Project. She also works for a domestic violence charity and The Missed Foundation, which works to humanise missing persons, and alleviate the profound practical and emotional impacts on their families.
Lili says she is passionate about improving the services and resources available to child victim-survivors.
"At the time [of Mum's disappearance], there was no support provided to me.
"I fell through the cracks because she was a missing person."
Ms Farha says children and young people need tailored support services.
"We really need people to view children and young people as victim-survivors in their own right, with their own unique needs — and not just extensions of their parents or caregivers.
"What we should be better at doing is making sure we have bespoke responses for children at all ages, that continues over the life course, to make sure they can deal with any post-traumatic issues that emerge.
"I don't think we do that as well as we should."
Lili has written a children's book inspired by her experiences, titled Why Elle Spoke Up.
The story is designed to encourage children to speak up if they are living in an unsafe home, and to support educators, counsellors and safe adults in starting difficult but necessary conversations.
"I noticed there is a huge gap in terms of resources available for children, their friends, and just communities in general to have these conversations," Lili says.
Daniel Mancuso's mum Teresa was murdered by her ex-husband, Daniel's father, in 2013.
Daniel says he and his brother Luke were exposed to abuse growing up.
"It's sad to say, we just assumed that was normal," the 35-year-old from Melbourne/Naarm says.
"My mum was a kind soul. Her life revolved around her two boys.
"She was always the life of the party."
After their mum's death, Daniel and Luke moved into their grandparents' home, where she had been living.
The Greek grandmother next door, also known as Yiayia, started looking after them, passing home-cooked meals over the fence.
It inspired the pair to create Yiayia Next Door, sharing her recipes. And more importantly, showcasing the power of kindness and connection, and its role in violence prevention.
"I'm trying to honour my mum's legacy, and give back," Daniel says.
"I know that she would have done the same thing for us."
Daniel says he hopes to reach younger generations and change attitudes, including gender stereotypes.
"My experiences have given me a blueprint of what not to do — and the man I want to be.
"Men try and be so masculine, but it's good to be vulnerable."
Advocates are an essential part of working towards ending gender-based violence, says Sneha Sapkota.
"We cannot have sustainable change without including lived experience."
And while it's hard work, she says most advocates believe it's worthwhile.
"There is fatigue. Changing systems take a long time, and there is a lot of push back, but there is so much healing."
Lili says she her mum's fiercely protective nature and resolve to never back down encourages her to keep going.
"Mum was a really tough lady.
"Even though we did escape, unfortunately there was no support externally to help her. She was carrying so much.
"I credit all of my life to her in terms of my personality and my work."