Glastonbury is a national embarrassment

Telegraph

4 hours ago

Glastonbury is upon us for another year. That time when Britain's middle-class bohemians and every mover and shaker in the cultural elite descend on Worthy Farm for a few days of music, revelry and yoga in the Healing Field. That sound you hear in the background is a tumbleweed rolling its way through Stoke Newington, as the local Whole Foods and gastro pubs brace themselves for five days of poor takings.
Even those unable to snag one of the 200,000 exorbitantly priced tickets – £373.50 this year, booking fee included – will struggle to escape Glasto fever. Not least because every national newspaper columnist is apparently contractually obliged to attend, and write about their annual brief, blissful escape from their gentrified east London neighbourhood in which everyone agrees with them, to a field in Somerset in which everyone also agrees with them. The BBC is laying on 90 hours of wall-to-wall coverage this year.
Where there is coverage, there must be controversy. And this year Glastonbury has a doozy in the form of Kneecap – the Israelophobic Belfast rap trio, who are playing at the West Holts Stage on Saturday, despite the denunciations of His Majesty's Government. One of the rappers, who goes by Mo Chara, is facing terror charges for allegedly flying a flag in support of Hezbollah, the anti-Semitic terror army, at a gig in November last year. Keir Starmer, channelling his inner schoolmarm, says their inclusion is not 'appropriate', while Kemi Badenoch has told the BBC it 'should not be showing' Kneecap's performance.
I loathe Kneecap. Mainly for their anti-Israel bigotry and flirtations with Islamofascist militias. But also for their godawful music – an irksome mix of rave and rap that would make much more sense if it was actually a work of parody, more Goldie Lookin Chain than NWA. But I can't help but feel the censorious pearl-clutching over their set is giving both Kneecap and Glastonbury an appearance of edginess that neither truly deserves.
I don't begrudge anyone their fun. I'm as partial to getting wrecked in a field as the next man. I went to Glastonbury when I was sixteen, when Jay Z headlined and upset Noel Gallagher, and had such a grand old time I can barely remember any of it. But could we please drop the nonsense that it is countercultural, at the bleeding edge of interesting, against-the-grain, perhaps even revolutionary, sentiment? Google Glastonbury and you'll find listicles on the BBC, giving 'top tips' on how to enjoy it with your kids. It's basically now one giant Butlin's for Britain's metropolitan middle classes.
It's long been a carnival of conformity. Who could forget the Glastonbury immediately after Brexit, when Damon Albarn took to the Pyramid Stage and declared 'democracy has failed us '. The working classes revolt against the technocratic European Union and the supposed icons of popular music denounce the plebs from on-high. There was no better symbol of how far the cultural set has drifted from – to crib a phrase from this year's rumoured surprise act, Pulp – common people. This year, those looking to have their E-addled brains broadened at the festival's various political events will have to make do with Zarah Sultana and Gary Lineker.