The Hidden Trauma of Jury Duty

New York Times

3 days ago

Chloe Beck was excited by the prospect of jury duty when she was called to serve on a trial in early 2018. It could be a much-needed break from work, she thought.
But the case turned out to be a gruesome trial that would change Ms. Beck's life for years to come. A nanny had been charged with stabbing two children to death in the bathtub of their family's Upper West Side apartment. As an alternate juror, Ms. Beck, then an administrator at New York University, sat alongside the rest of the trial's jurors as they listened to devastating testimony from the children's parents and examined grisly crime scene photos.
'To this day, I still see those images,' said Ms. Beck, now 38. 'The little orange toothbrush hanging on the wall, covered in blood.'
But throughout the seven-week trial, Ms. Beck had little to no support, bound by the restriction that she couldn't discuss the case until it was resolved. 'They just pluck you out of your normal life, show you these horrible things — and then tell you not to say a word about it,' she said.
'All I could do was go to the movies after the day ended, sit in a dark theater and cry,' she added.
After the trial ended with a conviction, Ms. Beck was still haunted by what she saw. She used to take baths to relax, but the tub became something to avoid. So did her kitchen knives. Perhaps most unsettling, she said, the case 'continues to be a factor in whether or not I decide to have children.' The thought of needing to have someone else watch her child terrified her.
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