From Braids to Baldness: Losing My Hair My Way
On the evening that I decided to remove my braids, I got on FaceTime with my daughter, Deja. A couple of days beforehand, we had discussed the plan. We would do it together even though she was hundreds of miles away in St. Louis. Before I started the process, Deja prayed that I would continue to have the strength as I embarked on a new part of my cancer journey although I had been down this road before. She played some smooth gospel music while I started unraveling my braids. She kept checking in to ask how I was feeling. I explained that I was a little sad, but I was just focused on getting it done. I also asked how she was feeling and she said that she was OK, as she was just trying to support me however I needed it.
As I removed the extensions, a great deal of my hair was also intertwined. At some point I didn't think it necessary for me to be gentle (as I normally would if my hair was in a better state). So I took a pair of scissors and just started cutting off the braids to the shortest point possible. I was done in an hour. When I looked in the mirror, my scalp was patchy. It was quite startling. Deja reminded me that I had gone through this before when I lost my hair, but I explained to her that it was different this time. Then – 21 years ago – I knew that I would have to cut my hair, so I went to a female barber who did not let me look in the mirror until my head was completely bald. At that time, I was shocked by how perfectly round my head was, and I looked like some stunning model. This time, the patchiness made me look sick. I am on cancer treatment and not exceptional, but it still bothered me. I couldn't wait until my husband could shave my head as clean as his own.
The next morning, I sat in a chair in my bedroom and Malcolm proceeded to shave my head bald. I shed a tear. He kept encouraging me along the way that I would continue looking beautiful. I appreciated his support, but I was still a little bit sad. The sadness was not so much because I would lose my hair as it was that I was still dealing with cancer. The baldness was the stark reminder of it all. Always prepared, I had a wig that looked exactly like my natural hair, so after Malcolm finished shaving my head (and I looked much better as it seemed stylish), I put on my hat and coat. As I walked to the Dominican hair salon two blocks away from my house, I thought about how shocked my stylist would be. I hadn't been there in a couple of months. Now I would be returning and completely bald. I would have to explain what was going on. When I opened the door to the salon, I quickly scanned the room. I had hoped that since it was early, there wouldn't be too many customers. There were three women already under the dryer. I went to my stylist and raised my hat a little. She was aghast. There is always a slight language barrier because I know as much Spanish as she understands English. But cancer is a universal language, especially when a woman who once had long hair is now bald. She asked if I was OK. I said I was, but I am still in treatment. It's a small space, so everyone in the salon heard our exchange. My voice quivered as I felt highly emotional. I had to keep myself from crying.
I sat in the chair and removed my hat. The stylist placed the wig on my head. I had given her instructions on what I wanted, so proceeded to cut long layers and then used the flat iron to curl it. When she finished, I looked like the old me. I felt better.
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