How to talk to a loved one about unhealthy weight gain as marriage increases obesity risk
We know the theory that when you're happily loved-up in a relationship you may see the odd bit of weight gain after swapping workouts for cuddles on the couch.
But science has backed this assumption with new research finding the risks of being overweight increase for both sexes when married, with men particularly impacted.
The research, due to be presented at the European Congress on Obesity in Spain in May, was carried out on couples in Poland and found both men and women tend to be heavier when married, with marriage increasing the risk of being overweight by 62% in men and 39% in women, compared to those who are unmarried.
However, married men were also 3.2 times more likely to be obese than unmarried men, while no such link was found for married women when compared to unmarried women.
Researchers suggested the lack of such a finding in women could be due to potential cultural differences in attitudes towards obesity in men and women.
"The attitude of society towards women living with obesity is different compared to men – they are more often stigmatised," explains Dr Alicja Cicha-Mikolajczyk, from the National Institute of Cardiology, Warsaw, Poland, who led the study.
"We assume that women accept life with overweight, but they cannot accept living with obesity and they are more likely than men to take various actions to lose weight eg increased physical activity."
The study also found that getting older increases the risk of being overweight or obese for both sexes.
While putting on a few extra pounds while you're happily coupled-up is, of course, perfectly acceptable, in some cases weight gain can become somewhat unhealthy and that comes with health risks.
"Carrying extra weight, particularly as we age, increases the risk of cardiovascular disease, type 2 diabetes, metabolic dysfunction, and joint problems," explains Edwina Jenner, personal trainer and health coach.
"Research shows that even moderate weight gain in midlife significantly strains the heart, raises blood pressure, and contributes to insulin resistance, all factors that can reduce both lifespan and quality of life."
Wondering how to tell if weight gain is unhealthy? Health coach, Steve Bennett suggests looking for warning signs, such as:
increased fatigue
disturbed sleep patterns
mood changes
or the development of conditions like high blood pressure and elevated blood sugar.
If a partner, family member or friend is becoming unhealthily overweight, you may be concerned and want to intervene, however, weight gain is a sensitive topic especially concerning a loved one.
"It's important to approach the conversation with care, ensuring your loved-one understands that your concern comes from a place of love and shared wellbeing, not criticism or judgment," explains Jenner. "When it comes to a partner it's important they know this isn't about attraction or loving them any less; it's about the impact excess weight can have on long-term health."
While these realities are medical, not personal, how you communicate them matters. "The goal is to create an open, supportive dialogue where your partner or loved one feels encouraged rather than shamed," Jenner continues.
Find a private, relaxed time when you're both feeling good. "Never bring it up during arguments or stressful situations," Bennett adds.
Express your concerns using 'I' statements. "For example 'I've noticed you seem to have less energy lately' or 'I'm worried about your health because I care about you'—rather than accusatory 'you' statements that can trigger defensiveness," Bennett explains.
Rather than focussing on numbers on the scale, frame the discussion around overall health, energy levels, and longevity. "You might say something like, 'I want us both to feel strong, active, and healthy for as long as possible. I've been reading about how midlife weight changes can impact things like heart health, and I'd love for us to support each other in making sure we stay as healthy as possible'," Jenner suggests.
Rather than singling your loved one out, making it a shared effort can make the conversation feel less like a confrontation and more like a commitment to a healthier future together. "Suggest small, sustainable changes you can make as a team, such as going for a walk or doing home workouts together, increasing protein intake, or reducing buying ultra-processed foods," Jenner suggests. "Achieving and maintaining good health is a journey, and approaching it together can make all the difference."
The most important thing is to position yourself as an ally, not a critic. "Ask how you can support them, whether that means cooking healthier meals together, becoming exercise partners, or simply being an emotional support," Bennett suggests.
Rather than suggesting restrictive diets, focus on positive additions to your lifestyle together. "Start meals with fibre-rich foods that help regulate blood sugar and incorporate more real, whole foods instead of processed options," Bennett adds.
Read more about health and weight:
12 weight loss tips for physical and mental health (Yahoo Life UK, 7-min read)
What we know about Vitality's weight-loss jab scheme for workers (Yahoo Life UK, 6-min read)
What to know about the risks of using weight-loss drugs unsupervised (Yahoo Life UK, 5-min read)
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'No one knows who these people are, and they don't know what makes them different,' said Miras, though he added that there were two main theories. The first was that such patients might have gained weight due to particular life events such as a pregnancy or a stressful period – meaning that when the event resolved, so too did the weight gain. Another possibility, said Miras, was that a genetically predetermined 'set point' for body weight had a broader range for some people than others, meaning their body did not resist efforts to deviate from this weight as strongly as for other people. Whyte said research was now looking at how to minimise weight-regain, noting that as well as maintaining muscle mass and making lifestyle changes, research suggested tapering down doses might help. As patients are tracked for longer and in real-world settings, it is also clear that these drugs are not the solution for everyone. Some find the side-effects unpleasant, miss enjoyment of food or simply don't want to continually take medication and, while they have been found to be effective in early trials in children, some question whether this is the right approach so early in life. With the medications known to reduce muscle mass, Whyte said an important question was whether this went beyond what would be expected from weight loss alone. Yet with GLP-1 drugs having been used for diabetes for almost 20 years, Whyte said the data suggested overall the medications were safe. 'There was an initial concern [about], maybe it could lead to higher risk of pancreatitis or even pancreatic cancer or thyroid [cancer]. That has not been borne out in any of the follow-up data,' he said. 'Treatment revolution that will only get better' Critics of weight-loss drugs tend to view them as medicalising a problem that would be better solved by policies to tackle the underlying causes of the obesity crisis. But, according to Prof Naveed Sattar, of the University of Glasgow, there is no sign of high-calorie foods becoming less ubiquitous. And where successive policies have failed to make a sufficient impact, he argues the drugs themselves may provide a fresh incentive for a change in the food market. 'When Eli Lilly first reported their results, the share prices of some fast-food places dipped,' said Sattar. 'Ultimately it might reverse-engineer things towards a better food environment.' Weight-loss drugs now dominate the conversation around obesity. But their success may also drive medical interest in alternative pathways for treatment. 'What the success of these drugs absolutely demonstrates is that obesity is a biological phenomenon,' said Jebb. 'Some people have a genetic susceptibility that makes it a struggle to manage their appetites, which is made incredibly hard in a world where food is everywhere.' 'Part of what I hope these drugs do is reframe medical attitudes around obesity. It's easier to engage doctors in talking about drug treatments but I hope it will draw them into talking about other options as well.' Miras was also enthusiastic. 'When you don't understand the disease, it is almost automatic in medicine that we start blaming the patient because we feel uncomfortable,' he said. 'Now we have understood the disease, not completely but much better. And now, as a result, there is a revolution in the treatment of obesity and that will only get better.'
