13-03-2025
How to talk to a loved one about unhealthy weight gain as marriage increases obesity risk
We know the theory that when you're happily loved-up in a relationship you may see the odd bit of weight gain after swapping workouts for cuddles on the couch.
But science has backed this assumption with new research finding the risks of being overweight increase for both sexes when married, with men particularly impacted.
The research, due to be presented at the European Congress on Obesity in Spain in May, was carried out on couples in Poland and found both men and women tend to be heavier when married, with marriage increasing the risk of being overweight by 62% in men and 39% in women, compared to those who are unmarried.
However, married men were also 3.2 times more likely to be obese than unmarried men, while no such link was found for married women when compared to unmarried women.
Researchers suggested the lack of such a finding in women could be due to potential cultural differences in attitudes towards obesity in men and women.
"The attitude of society towards women living with obesity is different compared to men – they are more often stigmatised," explains Dr Alicja Cicha-Mikolajczyk, from the National Institute of Cardiology, Warsaw, Poland, who led the study.
"We assume that women accept life with overweight, but they cannot accept living with obesity and they are more likely than men to take various actions to lose weight eg increased physical activity."
The study also found that getting older increases the risk of being overweight or obese for both sexes.
While putting on a few extra pounds while you're happily coupled-up is, of course, perfectly acceptable, in some cases weight gain can become somewhat unhealthy and that comes with health risks.
"Carrying extra weight, particularly as we age, increases the risk of cardiovascular disease, type 2 diabetes, metabolic dysfunction, and joint problems," explains Edwina Jenner, personal trainer and health coach.
"Research shows that even moderate weight gain in midlife significantly strains the heart, raises blood pressure, and contributes to insulin resistance, all factors that can reduce both lifespan and quality of life."
Wondering how to tell if weight gain is unhealthy? Health coach, Steve Bennett suggests looking for warning signs, such as:
increased fatigue
disturbed sleep patterns
mood changes
or the development of conditions like high blood pressure and elevated blood sugar.
If a partner, family member or friend is becoming unhealthily overweight, you may be concerned and want to intervene, however, weight gain is a sensitive topic especially concerning a loved one.
"It's important to approach the conversation with care, ensuring your loved-one understands that your concern comes from a place of love and shared wellbeing, not criticism or judgment," explains Jenner. "When it comes to a partner it's important they know this isn't about attraction or loving them any less; it's about the impact excess weight can have on long-term health."
While these realities are medical, not personal, how you communicate them matters. "The goal is to create an open, supportive dialogue where your partner or loved one feels encouraged rather than shamed," Jenner continues.
Find a private, relaxed time when you're both feeling good. "Never bring it up during arguments or stressful situations," Bennett adds.
Express your concerns using 'I' statements. "For example 'I've noticed you seem to have less energy lately' or 'I'm worried about your health because I care about you'—rather than accusatory 'you' statements that can trigger defensiveness," Bennett explains.
Rather than focussing on numbers on the scale, frame the discussion around overall health, energy levels, and longevity. "You might say something like, 'I want us both to feel strong, active, and healthy for as long as possible. I've been reading about how midlife weight changes can impact things like heart health, and I'd love for us to support each other in making sure we stay as healthy as possible'," Jenner suggests.
Rather than singling your loved one out, making it a shared effort can make the conversation feel less like a confrontation and more like a commitment to a healthier future together. "Suggest small, sustainable changes you can make as a team, such as going for a walk or doing home workouts together, increasing protein intake, or reducing buying ultra-processed foods," Jenner suggests. "Achieving and maintaining good health is a journey, and approaching it together can make all the difference."
The most important thing is to position yourself as an ally, not a critic. "Ask how you can support them, whether that means cooking healthier meals together, becoming exercise partners, or simply being an emotional support," Bennett suggests.
Rather than suggesting restrictive diets, focus on positive additions to your lifestyle together. "Start meals with fibre-rich foods that help regulate blood sugar and incorporate more real, whole foods instead of processed options," Bennett adds.
Read more about health and weight:
12 weight loss tips for physical and mental health (Yahoo Life UK, 7-min read)
What we know about Vitality's weight-loss jab scheme for workers (Yahoo Life UK, 6-min read)
What to know about the risks of using weight-loss drugs unsupervised (Yahoo Life UK, 5-min read)
