How Bachelor couple overcame burnout and bottled-up emotions

News.com.au

5 days ago

Filming a reality TV show on which she fell in love with her future husband might seem like the most emotionally intense thing that could have happened in Irena Gilbert's life that year, but in 2020 it was only part of the story.
The 34-year-old nurse had fallen in love with her future husband, entrepreneur Locky Gilbert, 35, in front of the cameras on The Bachelor, but behind the scenes she was navigating the challenging reality of a healthcare worker in Melbourne during the Covid pandemic.
'While you hear a lot about nurses experiencing burnout, I think the events of that year really made things a lot more intense,' she said.
Keeping her relationship with Locky a secret as per her contract, as well as being a frontline worker in some of the harshest lockdown conditions on the planet began to take its toll on Irena.
'I started dreading going to work,' she said. 'I'd have this panicked feeling just walking into the building.'
Locky, who had returned home to Perth, could only provide support from afar.
'Everything in Perth was open, and so it was hard for him to fully grasp the gravity of the situation, but he was always there for me, sometimes for hours on end on the phone. I'd debrief at the end of each day during my one-hour walk,' Irena said.
It was Locky, too, who eventually broached the solution to Irena's burnout.
'He said: 'why don't you move to Perth and take some time off?'' recalls Irena.
'Part of me was like, 'I've worked so hard to get to this point in my career,' and the other part of me was thinking: 'but I don't even want this job right now!' So I quit my job, moved to Perth and took a year off from nursing.'
Australia is in the grips of a mental health crisis, and people are struggling to know who to turn to, especially our youngergenerations. Can We Talk? is a News Corp awareness campaign, in partnership with Medibank, equipping Aussies with the skills needed to have the mostimportant conversation of their life.
Irena credits the move, as well as seeking professional help - 'I started seeing a psychologist, and I still see one,' she says - with healing her burnout and radically improving her mental health.
And while openness about the ups and downs of life has become something of a hallmark for Irena, who has been candid about the heartbreak of suffering miscarriages in her journey to becoming a mother to Ava, now 18 months old, Locky has, for most of his life, struggled to get in touch with his own emotions.
'I've just always been kind of hard, masculine, 'don't talk about it', eat your feelings, 'get over it' - all that kind of stuff,' says Locky.
'And I think since having Ava, it's made me realise that's not at all the way it should be. I want Ava to be able to come to me and Irena with absolutely anything. And if I've got that hard exterior, no one's going to want to talk to me.'
This instinct is in line with new research by News Corp's Growth Distillery in partnership with Medibank, which found that while family dynamics can play a crucial role in mental health conversations, notable communication gaps exist between parents and children in Australia.
The research also found relationships are central to discussions about mental health, and partners were the most frequent confidants with 79 per cent of participants comfortable opening up to their significant other when it came to mental wellbeing.
Strong relationships were found to have a big influence on our mental wellbeing, with more than half (53 per cent) citing their relationship as a key factor in having a positive impact.
Earlier this year, Locky began seeing a holistic therapist - both individually and together with Irena.
'The first time I saw her, she laid me down and did some healing that had me absolutely bawling my eyes out,' he recalls.
'I hated it. But since then I've just learned so much - I hate the word trauma, but I'm learning about what it means to heal from your past, and the importance of dealing with emotions. Long story short, I've learned that opening up and just talking to someone can change a lot. It's been very helpful.'
One of the most surprising things for Locky was the support of his inner circle when he began to be more vulnerable with them.
'The funny thing I realised was that (before therapy) in my head, I was constantly telling myself: 'don't show your emotions, this is what needs to be done.' That's what I had in my head,' he said.
'But when I came to all of my best mates and said, 'hey, I'm seeing a coach, and I'm trying to release all my emotions, and all this trauma kind of stuff,' they were all super proud of me.
'They're like, 'man, this is awesome. This is amazing'. Irena, my mum, everyone that was close to me was super happy that I was showing these emotions, and they're the people that I care about.'
It's still early days and 'a work in progress,' says Locky, but he's been stunned at the change he's seen even in a matter of months. Irena agrees.
'Locky's changed so much since he's been seeing our therapist and opening up,' she says. 'He's never been a very naturally empathetic or compassionate person, but he's definitely changed. He was always just raised to think that 'men have to be men'. They don't show their emotions, they don't share their feelings. And because of that, he shut off his own emotions and his level of compassion and empathy. Now, he's realised that he's actually being strong by sharing this.'
'I'm still grappling with that,' Locky admits.
'But no one wants me to be bottled up emotionally. Everyone that I love wants me to express myself. I'm still having trouble with that, but I'm getting there.'