I was a stay-at-mom for a decade. We made all our choices based on my husband's career. Now I'm back to work and my husband is asking who will make dinner. Can I say ‘you'? Ask Lisi

Hamilton Spectator

2 days ago

Q
My boyfriend's sister is an absolute jerk to me whenever we're in the same room. I have no idea why she hates me so much. We were very good friends when we were kids, and then we lost touch when I moved away. We were just a bit too young to keep in touch through social media.
High school and university came and went, and we never crossed paths. I moved to another city, was out for drinks with some girlfriends, and there was my old friend's brother. We hadn't seen each other in years! We hugged hello asked what we were both doing there, but then the conversation continued. One thing led to another, and we're now together.
I didn't contact my friend right away because we hadn't spoken in over a decade. I assumed my boyfriend would tell his sister. But he didn't. She found out through an Instagram post he made with the two of us at a restaurant. She called him and started screaming at him.
I don't understand what the problem is. She wouldn't respond to any of my outreaches, and now that he and I are both visiting 'home,' she is so rude to me when we're in the same place at the same time.
What did I do, and what do I do?
Old friends, new enemies
A
Either you're not being honest with yourself about something that went down between you two OR she's upset about something, and you need to find out what that is. Does your boyfriend have a clue as to what's going on?
Invite your old friend out to lunch. Tell her you have no idea why she's so upset with you, and you'd love to make things right any way you can. It can only go one of two ways — she either explains herself, you apologize (if necessary) and move on, or she says she hates you and never wants to speak with you. No love lost because she's already in that camp and you haven't been friends in years.
If the latter, the unfortunate aspect is that you'll see her whenever you're home if you're still with your boyfriend. Sometimes people are just a certain way, and there's nothing we can do about it.
Q
I met my husband in university. He was a lacrosse player and lived and breathed for the sport. I was also an athlete, which is how we met: in the school's athletic physio's office. My husband studied business and sports. Right out of school, he got a job as the assistant coach for our school's team. His career has taken him — and us — all over the world, working for universities, coaching and recruiting players.
In the beginning, I geared my career around his, making his a priority in terms of location. After we married and had our first child, we agreed that too much movement wouldn't be easy. We had our second, moved again, had our third and moved for the last time. Now the kids are all in school full-time, the youngest now seven, and I am going back to work full-time.
My husband is questioning how the kids will get to and from after-school activities and who will make dinner. Isn't it time we start to share the parenting load more evenly?
My Turn!
A
Absolutely, yes! You were the stay-home parent for more than a decade, allowing him to rise in his career and shine. And he was obviously able to support you all. It'll take an adjustment, some growing pains, but yes, he should be able to pitch in more and allow you the time to focus on your career.
FEEDBACK
Regarding the Concerned Grandma (March 17):
Reader:
'I found the beginning of Concerned Grandma's letter to you noteworthy. She says that her stepson is 'selfish, uninterested in us, and never really connected with his half-brothers,' all signs that he too, may be on the autism spectrum.
'Perhaps some empathy toward him might be in order?'
Lisi:
You may be right in your assessment. I understood that the grandmother was more concerned with her grandchild's issues than the stepson's.
FEEDBACK
Regarding the retired guidance counsellor's perspective and reflection (March 19):
Reader:
'Read with interest your conversation with the retired guidance counsellor regarding children leaving the family home. Until she died, my mother prominently displayed on her fridge a fridge magnet that read: 'Home is where, when you have nowhere else to go, they have to take you in.'
'As long as we have a home, my wife and I are happy to proclaim the same for our children and grandchildren.'