Chuka Emezue: Raising sons in the age of digital masculinity
Celebrating Father's Day in the U.S. evokes images of dads at grills, toddlers joyfully perched on shoulders and heartfelt tributes. Behind these cherished moments lies a silent crisis: boys and young men navigating a digital minefield where messaging around masculinity promotes dominance over empathy, toughness over vulnerability, and isolation over connection. All of it is shaping a generation at risk of mental health challenges, violence and despair.
Caught in this cultural crossfire, young boys and men are flooded with social media content in which personal growth is packaged as a countercultural break from the mainstream. In truth, this type of messaging reinforces the norms it claims to reject.
As a father, mentor and researcher working with young boys and men who survive, witness and use violence, I see how online spaces have become powerful in shaping their identity. A slew of online accounts now focuses on shaping how boys perceive strength, integrity and vulnerability in ways that have serious real-world consequences. When boys and men are socialized to fear vulnerability, equate power with aggression and distrust care, we cannot be surprised that many young men struggle with mental health, suicidal ideation and substance use; lash out; or avoid emotional intimacy.
We live in an era in which perverse forms of masculinity are algorithmically promoted, politically exploited and culturally rebranded. In the wake of this gender reckoning, curious forms of masculinity have emerged online. The algorithm is flooding young boys and men with content from 'grindset' coaches or 'manfluencers' promising transformation through military-level self-discipline, and even self-mutilation, under the guise of self-improvement.
A 2024 study from Dublin City University found that 62% of recommended videos on YouTube Shorts and TikTok for accounts set up as boys featured 'alpha male' or dominance-focused content disguised as self-help by adult manfluencers preying on their young and impressionable viewers.
There is also a reemergence of artificially nostalgic versions of women with the rise of the 'tradwife' movement on TikTok, signaling a reactionary return to 'traditional' female roles framed as a remedy for declining male authority. Similarly, the newly popular 'clean girl' aesthetic is idealized by thin, white, porcelain-skinned and obediently minimalist women, offering a polished, passive image of femininity that complements these masculine ideals.As masculinity redefines itself online, gaps in the real world continue to widen. Girls and women now outperform boys at nearly every educational level. Boys have lower reading and writing scores, are more likely to be suspended or diagnosed with learning and behavioral issues, and are less likely to graduate from high school or attend college. Traditional male roles, such as provider or protector, have been redefined by economic, social and technological changes in recent years.
It is unsurprising that mental health crises among boys and young men are increasing. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, suicide rates among adolescent boys have increased by over 30% in the past decade. Likewise, opioid deaths and social isolation are higher among men, especially young and working-class males. This rise is paralleled by a concerning decline in those receiving mental health care, with only 34% of men seeking help compared with more than 50% of women.
Rather than adapting, many boys and men are left confused, resentful and aimless.
Fatherhood and positive male role modeling must offer a different path for young boys and men caught in this crisis of masculinity. This issue extends beyond the boys themselves, signifying a crisis in parenting and the systems that support parents. For those of us raising or mentoring sons, this issue warrants a re-evaluation of how we wished to be supported during our own upbringing.
It is crucial to recognize that many parents grapple with their own trauma and mental health issues, which makes it difficult to provide what they themselves lack. Often, this trauma is passed down generationally, and now they face the challenge of raising both sons and daughters while managing this unaddressed trauma.
This underscores the importance of parenting education and fatherhood programs. Equally vital are involved fathers, positive role modeling, mentoring and the presence of visible, engaged male educators, especially for boys growing up without male caregivers. Constructive, gender-specific interventions that help boys and men thrive without undermining gender equity are also crucial.
Father's Day reminds us that while we cannot solve these issues overnight, we can work toward healing at home, in schools and online. We must nurture boys and men to fearlessly connect with their emotions, support their peers, play, enjoy peace and openly embrace empathy. We need boys who understand consent. Boys who value care over control. Boys who show vulnerability instead of 'manning up.' Boys who feel hopeful.
Digital masculinity is not merely an abstract concept or a passing trend; it is actively shaping our children's perceptions of love, identity and self-worth. We cannot afford to remain passive observers while technology raises our children. Our boys are watching, and it is imperative that we take action to guide them through this transformative landscape of masculinity.
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
Buzz Feed
5 hours ago
- Buzz Feed
Expert Explains Cold-Oven Pound Cake Baking Method
There are few things more comforting or better with a cup of tea than a homemade pound cake — the kind of cake that doesn't need frosting or fancy fillings to be absolutely scrumdiddlyumptious. But there's one lesser-known technique that quietly separates bakers who consult cookbooks from those who learned at grandma's elbow: starting your pound cake in a cold oven. At Tasty, we inherited a cold-oven pound cake recipe that's been a beloved mainstay at one family's gatherings for decades. 'This recipe is so popular in our family because it's so easy,' says Kemi, who baked the cake alongside her aunt in a recent video. 'It looks like it takes a lot of time, but it really doesn't — and it's kind of foolproof.' The cake she's referring to is Aunt Gussie's Pound Cake — a buttery, lemon-vanilla loaf baked without preheating the oven. It's a technique many younger bakers are encountering for the first time, but for countless Southern families, it's simply tradition. To learn more about the technique, we had to consult an expert. TikTok creator and pound cake expert Jaffry Ward, who's known for sharing soul-soothing bakes, says the cold-oven method absolutely works, as long as you're looking for a specific outcome. 'I do sometimes start my pound cake in a cold oven,' he told Tasty. 'The gradual heating helps the batter rise evenly and creates a tender crumb with a nice crust.' Hey, you! Wanna cook thousands of recipes on your phone in step-by-step mode? Download the free Tasty app right now. Now back to your regularly scheduled programming! As the oven slowly comes to temperature, the cake rises gently as the exterior of the cake has time to bake into a golden, crackly shell (the kind you want to peel off and eat first). Still, Jaffry notes that it's not always his go-to. 'Honestly, I've baked the majority of my pound cakes in a preheated oven, and they always come out perfect,' he said. 'In my experience, the cold-oven method can sometimes result in a slightly drier cake — especially if the recipe doesn't include extra fat, like sour cream or cream cheese.' The acidity and fat in cultured dairy products, such as cream cheese and sour cream, help to tenderize and moisturize butter cakes like pound cake. Aunt Gussie's recipe uses standard whole milk, but if you want to follow Jaffry's suggestion, you can substitute half of the whole milk with sour cream, crème fraîche, or cream cheese; this swap will result in an extra moist cake with a slightly tangy flavor. Even if you stick with plain old whole milk, Aunt Gussie's cake holds up beautifully (thanks to a bit of shortening in the butter base and a bunch of eggs). We find the texture stays moist even through the longer bake. 'You don't have to preheat the oven… it's the technique,' Kemi says — and it's one her family has trusted for generations. More than just a method for better texture, cold-oven baking is, for many, a tradition wrapped in memory. 'When I make it, I think about my mother,' Kemi told Tasty. 'This recipe is keeping her alive — and the memory of her.' So, is the cold-oven method the way to go? If you're after that signature crust, a gently risen crumb, and the kind of cake that comes with a story — it's absolutely worth a try. As Jaffry says: 'I can't argue it gives you a great crust.' And that might be all the reason you need to bake it the way grandma — and Aunt Gussie — did. To access our step-by-step video tutorial as well as the full grocery list for Aunt Gussie's Pound Cake, download the free Tasty app and search "pound cake." Happy Baking!
Yahoo
5 hours ago
- Yahoo
Thankful for my dad's failings this Father's Day
The last Father's Day I got to spend with my dad was 17 years ago. I watched Tiger Woods contend for his third U.S. Open Championship, sitting in the family room with the man who taught me how to play golf when I was ten years old. It was a special day. My dad died less than five months later. As this Father's Day approaches, I find myself in a reflective mood thinking about the things my dad did and didn't do. The more I reflect, the more I find myself focusing on his failings. My dad failed when it came to not influencing me to believe in God. While some dads believe they should leave the choice of faith up to their kids, my father was convinced it was his responsibility to pass on to his children their need of a Savior. As Dad and I watched the 2008 Summer Olympics, we groaned in unison as the U.S. men's 4x100 meter relay team dropped the baton and failed to qualify for the finals. My father contrasted the dropped baton to what happens in a family when parents fail to pass on spiritual faith to their progeny. My dad failed to put time with my brother and me ahead of time with our mom. His relationship with his wife always came first. But, I didn't mind. I loved seeing my parents' love grow. It gave me a sense of security. In the process of prioritizing his marriage, my dad showed me by personal example how to remain true to one's wedding vows and invest in a growing romance. My dad failed at keeping his promises. On more than one occasion when I was misbehaving, he promised that he would renege on taking me to a special event on which I had my young heart set. But, when I showed a repentant heart and asked for forgiveness, he failed at following through on his declared discipline. His willingness to give me grace provided me a picture of my Heavenly Father's love. My dad failed to brag about what he did in World War II. As part of the 'Greatest Generation,' he kept quiet about his life as a Marine. The sacrifices he made and the horrors he witnessed were not to be trivialized by casual conversation. His service to his Uncle Sam was not viewed as heroic. He saw it as his grateful duty. Only near the end of his life did he share aspects of his experiences he wanted his family to know. My dad failed to keep the name he was given at birth. While he was humble when it came to his contribution to protect our freedoms in combat, my father was quite proud of his Greek ancestry. Although he understood why his immigrant father had taken an American name (Smith) upon becoming a citizen, Dad didn't want his Greek name to be lost forever. In 1969 he petitioned the courts to take Asimakoupoulos back. I will forever be grateful for that action. My dad failed to model the popular notion that claims grown men don't cry. I saw my dad shed a tear on multiple occasions. A tender heart beat within his Semper Fi physique. His willingness to show his emotions gave me permission to acknowledge my feelings without fear for what other would think. My dad failed getting me to join him and my brother in the family business. Fortunately, my father was aware of my call to pastoral ministry. He could tell that my gifts would not be best utilized in property management and maintenance. Affirming my skill set, he released me to follow my heart even though it meant I would live at a distance from my folks. It meant a great deal to me that he celebrated my calling. As you can clearly see, I had a failure for a father. But I'm hardly sorry. I hope that my kids will come to the same conclusion about me one day when I am gone. Pastor Greg Asimakoupoulos is a retired minister and chaplain and a descendant of one of the founding families in Poulsbo. He writes an occasional column for the Kitsap Sun. This article originally appeared on Kitsap Sun: Remembering my dad's failings on Father's Day | Opinion
Los Angeles Times
5 hours ago
- Los Angeles Times
Five soulful recipes to make for Juneteenth
Growing up, my family didn't celebrate Juneteenth. But when I think back on our summer gatherings — usually kicked off on Father's Day weekend and lasting through Labor Day — the spirit of the holiday feels ever-present. Juneteenth, also known as Liberation Day and Emancipation Day, celebrates the end of slavery in America. A portmanteau of the words 'June' and 'nineteenth,' the holiday marks June 19, 1865, the day that Maj. Gen. Gordon Granger arrived in Galveston, Texas, to inform all enslaved people within the state, estimated to be 25,000, that President Lincoln's Emancipation Proclamation had freed them, nearly 2 ½ years after the order was given. The first Juneteenth celebrations were recorded in Texas the following year, and eventually spread across the South, Midwest, to both coasts and in pockets of northern Mexico. Treated as an Independence Day that acknowledges the lived reality of African Americans who were still enslaved on July 4, 1776, festivities involved church services, picnics, fish fries, barbecues and even beauty pageants. Though Juneteenth stands out as the longest-running African American holiday, it wasn't until 2021 that it was federally recognized and its history more widely shared. 'Homecoming, church picnics, fish fries — they all share the same music, food and cadence as Juneteenth,' said Nicole Taylor, author of 'Watermelon and Red Birds: A Cookbook for Juneteenth and Black Celebrations,' the first Juneteenth cookbook released by a major publishing house. And as I began to celebrate Juneteenth more formally, I realized that the essence of the holiday had long been present at my family gatherings. A tradition I've adopted is the sharing of red-colored foods such as watermelon, fried chicken and fish, and red velvet cake. There are different theories around the significance of eating red foods on Juneteenth. Some believe that early celebrants simply worked with easily accessible and in-season ingredients that happened to be red: watermelon, strawberries, beans and fried or smoked meats. Others say that it honors the bloodshed and suffering of enslaved ancestors. 'Growing up, the pews in my church were red. All of the women that I admired, they were members of Delta Sigma Theta sorority, and their color was red. There was so much red around me, and it always meant power,' Taylor said in an interview. 'Even going back to West Africa, the transatlantic slave trade brought the ritual of drinking sorrel, or what some people would call hibiscus. For Black people across the diaspora, that ritual has been with us forever. It's inside of us,' Taylor said. And Juneteenth celebrations don't have to be limited to just one day. 'Anytime you're intentional about not working, about turning your phone off and playing music — you're bringing the Juneteenth spirit,' Taylor said. Whether you decide to make these red-colored recipes this week or later in the summer, as long as you do so with an air of relaxation and contentment, you're honoring this holiday that's rooted in freedom. Eating out this week? Sign up for Tasting Notes to get our restaurant experts' insights and off-the-cuff takes on where they're dining right now. This simple dessert from Taylor's 'Watermelon & Red Birds' cookbook involves lighting a whiskey, tangerine and cherry sauce on fire and pouring it over honey vanilla ice cream. Dating back to Queen Victoria's Golden Jubilee in the late 1800s, Taylor recommends using Bing, sour or Rainier cherry varieties for the boozy the recipe. Cook time: 20 minutes. Serves 4. One of the star dishes from the dinner menu at now-closed Post & Beam, this fried jerked catfish is perfect for Juneteenth picnics. Feel free to use frozen, thawed fillets if you can't find fresh ones and plan to marinate them for two to four hours before the recipe. Cook time: 1 hour. Serves 8 to 10. This recipe from former cooking columnist Ben Mims adds red miso to barbecue sauce for a burst of umami that counteracts the sweetness of ketchup and honey. The sauce can be made up to five days in advance and refrigerated until you're ready to use the recipe. Cook time: 45 minutes. Serves 4 to 6. Chef Mary Sue Milliken of Border Grill, Socalo and Alice B. says the trick to making these ribs is 'planning and patience.' They require 24 hours of curing with a dry rub and you'll have to turn them often when you roast and glaze them on the barbecue, but the end result is an addictive main course for your next summer the recipe. Cook time: 1 hour 30 minutes plus overnight curing time, makes 1 rack of ribs. This nonalcoholic drink is from actor-turned-restaurateur Danny Trejo, who's been sober for over 50 years. Ripe strawberries get a kick thanks to charred red bell pepper, which you can throw on the grill or straight on the burner of your stove to release its smoky sweet flavors. Get the recipe. Cook time: 50 minutes. Serves 4.
