Harmful words

The Hindu

05-07-2025

Which one do you recall faster? Appreciation or negative criticism?
The natural urge in every human is to hear good appreciation for their deeds from others; even after getting several such appreciations, one negative feedback is more than sufficient to spoil peace of mind. The worst part is the repeated recall of it in our mind.
Thirukural, an ancient Tamil masterpiece by Thiruvalluvar, offers timeless wisdom on ethics, governance, and human conduct. One of its most profound teachings (Couplet 129, Chapter 13) states: 'Even the wound inflicted by fire will heal, but the one caused by a harsh word never heal.'
This simple yet powerful verse underscores a universal truth: physical pain fades, but emotional wounds from cruel words can last a lifetime. In modern terms, verbal violence is a silent crime, one that leaves no visible scars but can destroy confidence, relationships, and mental well-being.
Society often condemns physical aggression but tolerates verbal abuse under the guise of 'honesty', 'tough love', or 'discipline'. However, research in psychology confirms that emotional abuse, including insult, humiliation, and harsh criticism, can lead to anxiety, depression, and even PTSD. Unlike a burn or a cut, the damage from words does not heal with time alone.
Once spoken, cruel words cannot be taken back. The memory of them lingers, replaying in the victim's mind long after the incident. Repeated verbal abuse diminishes a person's self-esteem, making him doubt his abilities and worth. Relationships, whether personal or professional, crumble when communication turns toxic.
Does this mean we should never hold people accountable? No, accountability is necessary, but it must be enforced with dignity.
In the workplace, if an employee underperforms, provide constructive feedback. If termination is necessary, do it professionally, without insults or public shaming. Rather than saying 'You are useless! You're fired!', it is better to say, 'Unfortunately, your performance doesn't meet our requirements, so we have to let you go.'
If a relationship turns toxic, walking away is healthier than engaging in verbal battles. Instead of screaming, say, 'This isn't working for me any more, I think we should part ways.'
In parenting, correcting a child's mistakes with patience yields better results than shouting or belittling. Instead of saying 'You're so stupid!', say, 'Mistakes happen; let's figure it out how to do better next time.'
Thiruvalluvar's wisdom reminds us that how we speak to others defines our own character, not theirs. Words are weapons, use them wisely. Silence is better than using harsh words, if you can't speak kindly, act instead (end a job or relationship respectfully).
Healing verbal wounds takes years, prevent them by choosing empathy.
In a world where social media, workplaces, and even personal relationships are rife with verbal aggression, the Thirukkural's message is more relevant than ever. Harsh words are a crime, one that justice cannot undo. In leadership, love, or daily interactions, we must remember that fire burns the skin, but cruel words scar the soul.
Before speaking, ask: will my words build or destroy? If the answer is 'destroy', 'silence is the wiser choice'.
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