A TikTok trend has men calling to wish their friends good night. What does that say about male loneliness?
A new trend that's been circulating on social media has grown men reaching out to their buddies to say 'good night,' and sometimes even 'sweet dreams.'
The trend has taken off on TikTok and Instagram in recent weeks, in part because the reactions from the men receiving the calls has often been humorous. In one video, a man calls his friend, tells him good night, and immediately gets a shocked response: 'What?' The caller replies, 'I'm just calling to tell you good night. Sweet dreams.' But that's not quite enough clarity for the man on the other end. 'Good night? A grown man telling another grown man good night?' he presses, while the caller muffles a laugh.
The TikTok prank operates on exactly that premise—that grown men calling each other to say good night is funny because it's so utterly unexpected. Because truthfully, most grown men are not calling each other to check in before bed.
Some men receiving the calls commented that nobody has called them to say good night in many years. That's as nightly check-ins—perhaps check-ins of any kind—can feel contrary to ingrained masculinity norms. But that's problematic. Male loneliness has been viewed as a growing issue, and has even been called an epidemic by some experts in recent years. One 2024 review of masculinity norms and how they impact male loneliness highlighted an 'urgent need' for a shift in order to 'support men's social connectedness.'
Not only do men feel less connected, but they also are less likely to seek mental health care than women. According to some research, only an estimated one in 10 men suffering with depression or anxiety disorders receive treatment.
A 'foreign' feeling
Experts say that men don't always feel able to reach out, and when they don't, it can lead to isolation. Dr. Rachel Austin, a Maryland-based clinical psychologist, tells Fast Company she saw the trend circulating and was struck—but not surprised—by how 'foreign' it feels to so many men to do something that's 'more connected to emotion' than they may be used to.
According to Austin, it can be especially hard for men to learn how to 'facilitate connection' when they fear doing so may be perceived as 'weak' or not masculine, and especially when doing so hasn't been modeled for them. That can make even recognizing the feeling a challenge. 'Many male patients that are lonely aren't articulating (even to their partners) what they need,' says Austin.
Judging by the videos, while confused at first, the men actually appreciated the seemingly bizarre phone calls. Many ended up feeling touched, or said things like, 'I miss you,' or even, 'love you,' in response. Some of the men even began reminiscing about their younger days, perhaps back in high school or college, when touching base to check in and say good night was not a weird occurrence, but part of their routine.
In one video posted on Instagram, which has over 757,000 likes at present, a dad calls his longtime buddy to say good night. The friend on the other end of the line instantly bursts out laughing, and brings up their high school days when nightly calls were expected from those in their friend group. 'I can't believe you remembered that,' the friend says. 'That was like a staple.'
While the trend is wholesome, and certainly worth clicking through a few videos for a chuckle, the responses seem to reveal a deeper issue—that men reaching out to each other is sorely needed. It may even spark some sorely needed discussion about why exactly this feels so unexpected.
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