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Where Have Men Gone? We're Right Here.
Where Have Men Gone? We're Right Here.

New York Times

time12 hours ago

  • General
  • New York Times

Where Have Men Gone? We're Right Here.

In her June 20 Modern Love essay, 'Men, Where Have You Gone? Please Come Back,' Rachel Drucker lamented an absence of men in the dating arena. At a restaurant with a longtime male friend, she noticed that hardly any men were out with women, a retreat from intimacy she already had observed elsewhere in public and in her personal life. Why, she wondered, are so many men no longer showing up for relationships? Rachel brought professional insight to the issue, having worked at Playboy for more than a decade, where she learned about the monetization of men's desire, what drew them in and kept them coming back. 'It wasn't intimacy,' she writes. 'It wasn't mutuality. It was access to stimulation — clean, fast and frictionless.' Her essay led to an extraordinary amount of reader email, nearly all from men. Here is a selection, edited for length and clarity. Rachel Drucker's essay captures a real and painful longing — for presence, reciprocity and emotional connection. But if men are retreating, it's not out of indifference. It's often out of exhaustion and confusion. Dating today places enormous and conflicting demands on men. We're still expected to pay for dates, take the lead and demonstrate confidence — while also being emotionally available, deferential and self-aware. The goal posts shift constantly, and women's expectations are often unstated or contradictory. Emotional openness in men is encouraged in theory but penalized in practice. And the risk of being misjudged, misquoted or shamed online makes genuine vulnerability feel dangerous. Many of us want connection, but not at the cost of constant anxiety about saying or doing the wrong thing. If we're to 'come back,' as the essay pleads, it has to be to a space of mutual grace and clarity. The new normal hasn't been defined yet. We need to create it together. Jonathan Stowe Charlottesville, Va. Perhaps men and women are in a holding pattern, and we don't know what's next. But as a white, urban, married father of two late teen boys, I can say it's an increasingly daunting task to meet the ever-changing expectations of what a man should be. According to women but, more important, according to ourselves and our self worth. No one should feel sorry for us — but nor should they complain when we become introspective and quietly check our guts when deciding how to proceed. Morgan Clark Studio City, Calif. I think what's going on is that for the past 10-20 years, men and boys have been marginalized, probably in response to women being marginalized before that. It feels like punishment but for something that current men never did, at least not consciously or intentionally. Everything in the culture says: women good, men bad. What I think Ms. Drucker is asking for is leadership and confidence in men. But we've been told that those are toxic traits. So, here we are. Justin Hornburg Bloomfield, Mich. Want all of The Times? Subscribe.

Common diet mistake is wrecking men's sexual health and ruining their fertility, experts discover
Common diet mistake is wrecking men's sexual health and ruining their fertility, experts discover

Daily Mail​

time14 hours ago

  • Health
  • Daily Mail​

Common diet mistake is wrecking men's sexual health and ruining their fertility, experts discover

A new study has revealed eating foods that increase your blood sugar levels even slightly can lead to infertility and erectile dysfunction (ED). Previously studies have shown that type two diabetes can affect fertility by lowering sperm quality and quantity. But the latest findings found this was the case even when blood sugar levels were below the threshold to be diagnosed with diabetes. It comes amid an explosion in infertility in men that has seen sperm quality half in the last fifty years. Meanwhile millions of men in the UK suffer from ED, also known as impotence—which is when a man has difficulty getting or maintaining an erection. Similarly, previous studies have shown diabetes is linked to ED, but this study suggests even slight increases in glucose can put you at risk. The researchers suggested this means men can make lifestyle choices that can preserve or revive their reproductive health. This could involve cutting out sugary drinks, white bread, white rice, pastries and processed snacks which all increase your blood sugar levels. Their study which included 200 men between the ages of 18 and 85 began in 2014 and finished in 2020. Researchers studied progressive changes in the men's semen and hormone profiles, erectile functioning and metabolic health i.e. BMI and blood sugar levels. While over time hormone levels and semen parameters stayed within normal ranges, sperm movement and erectile function declined in men with minimally elevated blood sugar levels. They also found that while testosterone levels did not have a direct impact on erectile dysfunction, they did correlate with libido, which is desire for sex. Dr Michael Zitzmann presented the findings at the Endocrine Society's annual meeting in San Francisco, California. The doctor and professor of medicine at University Hospital in Muenster, Germany said: 'This means that men can take steps to preserve or revive their productive health with lifestyle choices and appropriate medical interventions. 'We're hopeful that the information gleaned from this study will help doctors and their patients formulate effective male sexual health maintenance plans. 'We now know that it's in our power to retain sexual and reproductive wellbeing in men, even as they age.' However, other research has suggested different theories for the surge of infertility and erectile problems in young men. Just last month, Dr Babak Ashrafi, a family medic with Superdrug Online Doctor, said it could be linked to the 'exponential' consumption of explicit online material. He explained that while occasional pornography viewing was harmless, frequent or marathon sessions could retrain men's brains, preventing them from becoming aroused normally. 'Repeated overexposure to graphic content can over time make it harder for individuals to become aroused by real-life sexual experiences,' he said. But he added that the unrealistic depictions of manhood in porn like how long they should last in bed could also trigger ED. Meanwhile previous research has found other lifestyle factors that can causes male infertility include smoking and drinking alcohol. Others include past injury or damage to the testicles and previously having had cancers—because chemotherapy and radiotherapy can harm fertility. However, one of the main causes of infertility is thought to be men deciding to have children later in life. It's estimated there has also been a 50 per cent reduction in sperm quality in the past 50 to 70 years. This is believed to be because of exposure to industrial chemicals such as pesticides, says Professor Suks Minhas, a consultant and urologist at Imperial College Healthcare NHS Trust in London. These are hormone disruptors, which 'can lead to testicular dysgenesis—when the testicles aren't working as they should—which affects fertility and hormone function', he explained.

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