
America's Peacemaker-in-Chief Doth Protest Too Much
'We've been very successful in settling wars,' the president boasted the other day. 'You have India, Pakistan, you have Rwanda and the Congo.' Trump seemed especially proud of pacifying that African conflict as he imagines it, what with those 'pretty rough weapons like machetes, heads chopped off.' On he went: 'Serbia, Kosovo, got that solved.' Ditto Armenia and Azerbaijan. He's still working on the Middle East, Trump conceded, 'but we're doing pretty well on Gaza.'

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