If Casey DeSantis finds God at Waffle House, maybe she'll be our next governor
Allow me to explain:
It wasn't that long ago that Florida's First Lady, the most likeable DeSantis, seemed a sure bet to succeed her husband, the perpetually aggrieved Ron, who is whining down his time in office as a term-limited governor.
Casey DeSantis is a more natural politician and a mother of three young children. She also weathered a bout of cancer that included six rounds of chemotherapy, six weeks of radiation and three surgeries.
'Through God's grace, I'm here,' she said.
To give her some gravitas, the former TV news anchor had a resume booster she could hype on the campaign trail. She became the face of Hope Florida, a non-profit community welfare organization created to shuffle Florida's poor away from existing public services and towards church groups willing to help them.
But being the architect of Hope Florida went from a highlight to a liability after revelations that $10 million the state received as an overpayment from a Medicaid provider got funneled to Hope Florida, instead of state coffers, and ended up paying for ads against last November's recreational marijuana ballot amendment.
Opinion: Hope Florida scandal puts obstacle in Casey DeSantis' pathway to governor
Meanwhile, her only real obstacle for the Republican nomination, U.S. Rep. Byron Donalds, a glib MAGA mouthpiece from Naples, won the all-important endorsement of President Donald Trump.
Trump, who had a penchant for calling Florida's governor 'Ron DeSanctimonius,' launched DeSantis' longshot campaign for governor eight years ago by endorsing him and calling DeSantis a 'brilliant young leader.'
But in the following years, DeSantis revealed himself as an abrasive guy with his own ambitions, a semi-loyalist incapable of achieving the Rubio level of emasculating, obsequious fealty that Trump required.
So, Trump did something unusual. He endorsed Donalds for governor in February — even before Donalds announced that he would run for the office.
'Byron Donalds would be a truly Great and Powerful Governor for Florida and, should he decide to run, will have my Complete and Total Endorsement,' Trump posted on social media. 'RUN, BYRON, RUN!'
Donalds got the 'complete and total' endorsement. That's the "top and best" kind from Trump.
Five days after Trump's premature endorsement, Donalds announced he was running.
Lately, Donalds appears to be tidying up his personal history in preparation for next year's election.
As a young adult, the now-46-year-old Donalds got arrested for distribution of marijuana and passing bad checks.
He appeared on the Christian Broadcasting Network recently to credit God for saving him from the path he was on in his younger life.
It was while he was rolling napkins in 2001 at a Tallahassee Cracker Barrel, where he worked as a waiter, he said.
'The Lord spoke to me and said, 'Stop running from me,'' Donalds said, 'and so it knocked me back.'
The way Donalds tells it, there was a church bus full of women coming from a religious revival at the restaurant. He ran out into the parking lot, stopping them from leaving to tell him the Lord was speaking to him, Donalds said.
'They pour out of the bus and they all pray over me,' Donald said. 'And I gave my life to Christ in the parking lot of Cracker Barrel.'
(As a side note, I too have been saved at the Cracker Barrel — but only from heart disease by passing up the country fried steak drenched in that gray goo that's called 'sawmill gravy.')
You see what Donalds has done here? He has engineered a clever reputation makeover by converting the crime-ing part of his life into a story about God saving him at the Cracker Barrel.
OK, Casey DeSantis, you've got to respond.
You can't just let Donalds steamroll you by getting both Trump's and God's endorsement, a winning quinella in any Republican primary these days.
Sure, Casey DeSantis beat cancer, but lots of people beat cancer. She needs a personal visit from God at an iconic Florida location.
And Donalds has already beat her to the Cracker Barrel. Shucks!
No epiphanies among the cinnamon brooms for her. No chicken 'n dumplin' revelations. She'lll have to find another spot, one without rocking chairs out front.
Opinion: Woke alert! Political indoctrination (right-wing) now on syllabus at New College | Opinion
I recommend a Waffle House. Any Waffle House. They're all holy temples capable of Florida electoral miracles, as far as I can tell.
People speak in tongues at the Waffle House, especially after closing time at the local bars. And the meek shall inherit the booth near the bathroom.
Casey DeSantis should just grab a seat, order up some grub and wait for the Lord to show up amid the scattered, smothered, and covered hashed browns.
If God is speaking to Donalds, They/Them will probably speak to Casey DeSantis too, especially if she's down in the polls.
It's her only chance. Get thee to a Waffle House, Casey.
Wait for a message from God and bring some Tums.
Frank Cerabino is a news columnist with The Palm Beach Post, part of the USA Today Network-Florida. He can be reached at fcerabino@gannett.com.
This article originally appeared on Palm Beach Post: FL governor race pits Cracker Barrel vs. Waffle House (kinda) | Opinion
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