France's perfidious cheese trickery will never defeat Stiltonian resolve
The accounts of the artisan London-based Neal's Yard Dairy, which hit the news big time in October 2024 after suffering what was described as 'a cheddar heist' nicknamed the Great Cheese Robbery, has revealed a alarming (pre-heist) fall in its pre-tax profits from £1.3 million to £664,571 in the 12 months to June 30 2024.
This was unrelated to the heist, but the circumstances of that were so bizarre and the owners' reaction so heroic, as to give the dairy an honoured niche in English culinary folklore.
Against the background of the steady reduction in makers of the noble Stilton, this leads the pessimists among us inexorably to wail about unstoppable decline.
But I'm no pessimist.
The heist that gripped the nation involved rotters getting their hands on 950 clothbound cheddars worth more than £300,00. The Neal's Yard board stepped in. 'Despite the significant financial blow,' they announced on Instagram, 'we have honoured our commitment to our small scale suppliers and paid all three artisan cheese makers in full.'
This was done in precarious times, for it was shortly after one of the five blue Stilton makers gave up the struggle. They are hard to replace. Only Derbyshire, Leicestershire and Nottinghamshire are allowed to boast Protected Designation of Origin status. And since Brexit, British cheese in general and Stilton in particular have been coping with horrendous pettifogging obstacles in the guise of customs paperwork, inspections and delays and strengthening competition from the likes of Roquefort and Gorgonzola.
We can justly blame the EU Commission and, of course, the French, for vengefully making surmounting barriers as difficult as possible, but there are other trends that have been driving makers of traditional cheeses out of business.
The health lobby bears much of the responsibility. The era of the great lunch – of which the rattle of the cheese trolley and another bottle of claret would be the climax – has been under strain. And the young favour mildness over robustness in food as in so much else.
But the board is optimistic, and rightly so. British cheese producers are adapting and making much of quality, heritage and exclusivity, targeting regions like Asia and the Middle East where Western delicacies are attracting well-travelled young who crave both the adventurous and the traditional. Resourceful food companies are marketing what are known as 'creative pairings' like Stilton and honey.
And young Asians love our ancient monuments and our history.
Stilton is big on TikTok where it is being pushed by young influencers: sales are climbing. I have rejected namby-pamby mild cheese in favour of the strong, the robust and the smelly. Stinking Bishop is my present choice and, I see, is already flourishing on TikTok.
I am an historian who cares about accuracy, but when it comes to flogging cheese, there should be no boundaries.
Why not? The possibilities are endless. Think of the ecclesiastical clothes, the extraordinary settings, the scandalous stories, our endlessly creative young people and our brilliantly creative ad industry.
The French won't stand a chance. And the decent, honourable people in Neal's Yard Dairy will flourish.
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