Captain America's new coach
The writer is an author, entrepreneur and host of the satirical podcast 'The Nation Wants No More'
Bibi's an edgy chap who's rewriting the playbook: Now every duck by a player is a coded attack signal
America has just been made great again. It's thrown out the dusty constitution, the will of its simple hardworking people, and outsourced the brain of its executive. Its leadership no longer goes by the book.
They go by Coach Bibi. No, not the fair-playing, rulebook-led grey-haired bloke you imagine. But an edgy chap who thinks every duck by a player is a coded attack signal.
Bibi sees a threat everywhere – the kind that only he can spot. Limited edition Bibi-goggles, mostly trained on the barbecue fires in people's back yards, saw 'most dangerous weapons' being cobbled together. Bibi's words, not mine.
The International Atomic Energy Agency brought its own binos to double-check. They faithfully reported it was meat, not plutonium – no heavy water in the mocktail mix. It wrote a memo too. But the voice of Coach Bibi was too loud, too repetitive. One has to, after all, listen to the force of civilisation.
Enter Donald, uhh…Captain America to the world, who was really just a VIP bystander in the match in which Bibi was lead coach.
Perfect opportunity, coach! Rope him in before your boys tire out, they haven't had a break for months now. Make Donald think Team America is playing in a match between Team Israel and Team Iran – a game America isn't even in. Confuse him, let him lend you his boys so you can end the match before the coin toss.
So the coach muddies the playbook, which is easy to do. He starts with a few pre-game videos. Grainy stuff, with a bit of AI generated magic in which a bunch of unknowns are supposedly sloganeering 'Death to America', and some rookies are tripping and falling. A few knees bruised and so on; you know how it is when boys play rough.
'They think they can play rough?' says Captain America, 'Oh boy, I can play rougher.'
'Strike the barbecue pits to end the game,' whispers the coach. 'No food, no energy, no game.'
And that's how we have all ended up watching a fixed match – big, beautiful, magnificent and utterly avoidable. Game on.
Facebook Twitter Linkedin Email Disclaimer
Views expressed above are the author's own.
Hashtags
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
NDTV
35 minutes ago
- NDTV
Satellite Images Question Trump's Claim Iran's Atomic Sites Destroyed
President Donald Trump's decision to order US forces to attack three key Iranian nuclear installations may have sabotaged the Islamic Republic's known atomic capabilities, but it's also created a monumental new challenge to work out what's left and where. Trump said heavily fortified sites were "totally obliterated" late Saturday, but independent analysis has yet to verify that claim. Rather than yielding a quick win, the strikes have complicated the task of tracking uranium and ensuring Iran doesn't build a weapon, according to three people who follow the country's nuclear program. International Atomic Energy Agency monitors remain in Iran and were inspecting more than one site a day before Israel started the bombing campaign on June 13. They are still trying to assess the extent of damage, and while military action might be able to destroy Iran's declared facilities, it also provides an incentive for Iran to take its program underground. Trump dispatched B-2 stealth jets laden with Massive Ordnance Penetrators, known as GBU-57 bombs, to attempt to destroy Iran's underground uranium-enrichment sites in Natanz and Fordow. Satellite images taken on Sunday of Fordow and distributed by Maxar Technologies show new craters, possible collapsed tunnel entrances and holes on top of a mountain ridge. They also show that a large support building on the Fordow site, which operators may use to control ventilation for the underground enrichment halls, remained undamaged. There were no radiation releases from the site, the IAEA reported. New pictures of Natanz show a new crater about 5.5 meters (18 feet) in diameter. Maxar said in a statement that the new hole was visible in the dirt directly over a part of the underground enrichment facility. The image doesn't offer conclusive evidence that the attack breached the underground site, buried 40 meters under ground and reinforced with an 8-meter think concrete and steel shell. US Air Force General Dan Caine told a news conference earlier on Sunday that an assessment of "final battle damage will take some time." IAEA inspectors, meanwhile, haven't been able to verify the location of the Persian Gulf country's stockpile of near-bomb-grade uranium for more than a week. Iranian officials acknowledged breaking IAEA seals and moving it to an undisclosed location. Indeed, there's just a slim possibility that the US entering the war will convince Iran to increase IAEA cooperation, said Darya Dolzikova, a senior research fellow at the Royal United Services Institute, a London-based think tank. "The more likely scenario is that they convince Iran that cooperation and transparency don't work and that building deeper facilities and ones not declared openly is more sensible to avoid similar targeting in future," she said. The IAEA called on a cessation of hostilities in order to address the situation. Its 35-nation board will convene on Monday in Vienna, Director General Rafael Mariano Grossi said. Before the US intervention, images showed Israeli forces alone had met with limited success four days after the bombing began. Damage to the central facility in Natanz, located 300 kilometers (186 miles) south of Tehran, was primarily limited to electricity switch yards and transformers. The US also joined in attacking the Isfahan Nuclear Technology and Research Center, located 450 kilometers south of Tehran. That was after the IAEA re-assessed the level of damage Israel had dealt to the facility. Based on satellite images and communications with Iranian counterparts Isfahan appeared "extensively damaged," the agency wrote late on Saturday. Images now show extensive new damage after the US bombing, including to a large cluster of industrial buildings identified by Bloomberg last week. The IAEA reported earlier that the destruction may result in "radioactive and chemical contamination within the facilities that were hit." The IAEA's central mission is to account for gram-levels of uranium around the world and to ensure it isn't used for nuclear weapons. The latest bombing now complicates tracking Iranian uranium even further, said Tariq Rauf, the former head of the IAEA's nuclear-verification policy. "It will now be very difficult for the IAEA to establish a material balance for the nearly 9,000 kilograms of enriched uranium, especially the nearly 410 kilograms of 60% enriched uranium," he said. Last week, inspectors had already acknowledged they'd lost track of the location of Iran's highly enriched uranium stockpile because Israel's ongoing military assaults are preventing its inspectors from doing their work. That uranium inventory - enough to make 10 nuclear warheads at a clandestine location - was seen at Isfahan by IAEA inspectors. But the material, which could fit in as few as 16 small containers, may have already been spirited off site. "Questions remain as to where Iran may be storing its already enriched stocks," Dozikova said. "These will have almost certainly been moved to hardened and undisclosed locations, out of the way of potential Israeli or US strikes." Iran's ambitions to make the fuel needed for nuclear power plants and weapons involve heavily fortified infrastructure across the country with thousands of scientists and engineers working at dozens of sites. Even as military analysts await more images before determining the success of Trump's mission, nuclear safeguards analysts have reached the conclusion that their work is about to become significantly harder. By bombing Iran's sites, Israel and the US haven't just disrupted the IAEA's accountancy of Iran's nuclear stockpile, they've also degraded the tools that monitors will be able to use, said Robert Kelley, who led inspections of Iraq and Libya as an IAEA director. That includes the forensic method used to detect the potential diversion of uranium. "Now that sites have been bombed and all classes of materials have been scattered everywhere the IAEA will never again be able to use environmental sampling," he said. "Particles of every isotopic description have infinite half-lives for forensic purposes and it will be impossible to sort out their origin."
&w=3840&q=100)
First Post
2 hours ago
- First Post
FirstUp: Iran minister to meet Putin after US strikes, UN nuclear watchdog to hold emergency meet
A day after US hit three Iranian nuclear sites, the country's foreign minister is making his way Moscow to meet Russian President Vladimir Putin. Also, the International Atomic Energy Agency will hold an emergency meeting today read more A Fox News ticker displays a headline about US strikes on Iran's nuclear facilities, in New York City. The US struck three major nuclear sites in Iran, directly inserting itself in the Israel-Iran conflict. Reuters It's a tense Monday for the world. The US struck Iran early Sunday, targeting three nuclear sites. The big question is how Iran will respond. Meanwhile, Iran and Israel continue to attack each other; the conflict has entered its eleventh day. While all eyes are on West Asia, in Brussels, foreign ministers from the European Union will meet. They will discuss major global issues, including the two conflicts – Israel-Iran and Russia-Ukraine. STORY CONTINUES BELOW THIS AD The United Nations Security Council will also hold a meeting today to review the current situation in Afghanistan. Meanwhile, results will be declared today for bypolls in five assembly seats across Punjab, West Bengal, Gujarat, and Kerala. A look at the big stories that will grab headlines today. Iran's foreign minister to meet Putin Iran's Foreign Minister Seyed Abbas Araghchi he will fly to Moscow to meet Russian President Vladimir Putin. Araghchi said he would be looking to meet Putin on Monday, after America struck three nuclear sites in Iran on Sunday. Araghchi said the US had shown it had no respect for international law, and had crossed a 'very big red line' by attacking Iran's nuclear facilities. 'They only understand the language of threat and force,' he said. Speaking during a visit to Turkey, Araghchi said Tehran reserved all options to defend its 'security, interest and people'. The country's armed forces are on full alert, he told reporters. Meanwhile, Dmitry Medvedev, the deputy chairman of Russia's Security Council, said that President Donald Trump had started a new war for the US by attacking Iran. 'Trump, who came in as a peacemaker president, has started a new war for the US,' Medvedev wrote on his Telegram channel, adding that 'with this kind of success, Trump won't win the Nobel Peace Prize'. IAEA emergency meeting today after US attack on Iran nuclear sites The International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA), the United Nations nuclear watchdog, will hold an emergency meeting today 'in light of the urgent situation in Iran' Meanwhile, Iran's nuclear chief, Mohammad Eslam, has written to the IAEA, informing it that Tehran wants an investigation into the US strikes and is urging the body to condemn the US action, according to reports in the Iranian media. |Earlier, the IAEA confirmed there has been 'no increase' in radiation levels after the US struck three nuclear sites in Iran. Fordow , Natanz and Isfahan were targeted by the US. STORY CONTINUES BELOW THIS AD While Donald Trump claims that the sites were 'totally obliterated', Iranian officials downplayed the impact of the US strikes. A satellite image shows an overview of the Fordow fuel enrichment facility, near Qom, Iran June 20. Fordow is gone, Donald Trump said after US military struck Iranian nuclear sites. Maxar Technologies/Handout via Reuters Oil prices likely to rise The US attack on Iranian nuclear sites could lead to a knee-jerk reaction in global markets when they open today. Oil prices are expected to see a rise. 'I think the markets are going to be initially alarmed, and I think oil will open higher,' Mark Spindel, chief investment officer at Potomac River Capital told Reuters on Sunday. A key concern for markets would centre around the potential impact of the developments in West Asia on oil prices and thus on inflation. The price of oil affects everything from petrol and diesel to food. Israel to begin outgoing flights, allowing people to leave Israel is likely to begin outgoing flights from today to assist tourists, diplomats, and its own citizens in leaving the country. Last week, the country's Transportation Minister Miri Regev said the move would depend on approval from a special government committee handling exceptions. Under the plan, this committee will give top priority to tourists, diplomats, youth and sports teams, and people needing urgent medical or humanitarian help, who have been stuck in Israel since the conflict with Iran began. Israel is likely to begin outgoing flights from today. Reuters/File Photo 'At the bottom line of the priority list will be Israelis who want to leave the country because they want to go on holidays, as our focus is first to bring back the 100,000 Israelis who are abroad,' Regev said. STORY CONTINUES BELOW THIS AD Until now, Israel had not allowed foreign nationals or Israelis to fly out. This was to prevent crowds at the airport and reduce the time planes stay on the ground at Ben Gurion Airport, following safety rules issued by the Home Front Command. Key meeting of EU foreign ministers European Union foreign ministers will meet today in Belgium's Brussels, to discuss several important global matters. The meeting will be led by the EU's top diplomat for foreign affairs and security policy, Kaja Kallas. One of the main points of discussion will be the 'Russian aggression against Ukraine', which will follow an informal talk with Ukraine's Foreign Minister Andrii Sybiha. The ministers will also discuss relations with China, European security, and recent events in West Asia following Israeli air strikes on Iran and Iran's reply. The situation in Gaza and Libya will also be part of the talks. Macron to visit Norway French President Emmanuel Macron is on a two-day visit to Norway, June 23 and June 24, ) to strengthen cooperation, particularly in the field of defence. He will then be heading to the Nato summit. During the visit, the two countries 'will elevate their relations to the rank of strategic partnership with the signing of an agreement that will structure and strengthen already close relations in the areas of security and defense, competitiveness, innovation and modern technologies, energy and environmental transition,' the French presidential administration said, quoted by AFP. STORY CONTINUES BELOW THIS AD UNSC meet on Afghanistan situation The United Nations Security Council will meet today to examine the situation in Afghanistan. This comes soon after the start of the 59th session of the UN Human Rights Council on June 16 in Geneva, where a report by Richard Bennett, the UN's Special Rapporteur on human rights in Afghanistan, was presented. The report raised serious concerns about ongoing rights abuses, especially those affecting women and girls under Taliban rule. The United Nations Security Council will meet today. Reuters/File Photo Today's meeting will also cover the latest update from UN Secretary-General Antonio Guterres on Afghanistan. The Security Council holds briefings on Afghanistan every three months. Results for 5 assembly bypolls Voting for the by-elections in five assembly seats across Punjab, West Bengal, Gujarat, and Kerala was held last Thursday. The counting of votes will take place today. The bypolls in one seat each in Gujarat, West Bengal, and Punjab were held following the deaths of the sitting MLAs. In Kerala and another seat in Gujarat, the elections were needed after the resignation of two legislators. The counting of votes will be held today. PTI In West Bengal's Kaliganj, located in Nadia district, voter turnout reached 69.85 per cent by 5 pm. Officials said the voting, which started at 7 am and went on till 6 pm, remained calm for the most part, except for a few minor incidents. STORY CONTINUES BELOW THIS AD With inputs from agencies
Mint
2 hours ago
- Mint
Did Iran outsmart United States? American officials claim Iran might have moved 400 kg of uranium before the strikes
A day after US President Donald Trump claimed that Iran's nuclear programme was 'completely and totally obliterated' by airstrikes, senior officials admitted they didn't know where Iran's near-weapons-grade uranium was currently located. At a press briefing on Sunday, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth and Joint Chiefs Chairman Dan Caine avoided President Trump's bold claims that they completely destroyed the nuclear sites. They said early reports showed 'severe damage and destruction' at the three sites hit by Air Force B-2 bombers and Navy Tomahawk missiles. Satellite images of the main target — Iran's Fordo uranium enrichment plant — showed multiple deep holes caused by a dozen 30,000-pound bunker-buster bombs dropped by the United States. Early reports by Israeli militaryshow the site was badly damaged but not completely destroyed. However, two Israeli officials said, as reported by NYT, that there is also enough evidence to show Iran had moved equipment and uranium from the site in recent days. Moreover, due to Trump's recents threats they had removed 400 kilograms, or roughly 880 pounds, of uranium enriched to 60 percent purity. That is just below the 90 percent that is usually used in nuclear weapons. Rafael Mariano Grossi, head of the International Atomic Energy Agency, had informed the UN inspectors that his team last saw the fuel about a week before Israel started its attacks on Iran.. But he said on CNN that 'Iran has made no secret that they have protected this material.' On questioning whether he meant that the fuel stockpile — which is stored in containers small enough to fit in about 10 car trunks — had been moved, he replied, 'I do.' Meanwhile, Vice President JD Vance told ABC News, 'We are going to work in the coming weeks to ensure that we do something with that fuel and that's one of the things that we're going to have conversations with the Iranians about.' However, he noted that Iran's ability to build a nuclear weapon had been seriously weakened because it no longer had the machines needed to turn the uranium into working bombs.
