Watch: Candace Parker on coaching, commentating and coming out

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2 days ago

Candace Parker is a role model whose legacy extends far beyond the basketball court. A three-time WNBA champion, finals MVP, two-time regular-season MVP, seven-time All-Star and All-WNBA first-team member, Parker is sharing her story in a new memoir, 'The Can-Do Mindset.'
For all the brilliance she showed on the court, Parker had to navigate many challenges away from the bright lights, so the release of her memoir — which coincides with the start of Pride Month — seems especially fitting.
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On the latest episode of 'No Offseason,' Zena Keita, Ben Pickman and Sabreena Merchant interviewed Parker about her path to self-acceptance, coming out and embracing her sexuality.
Keita: Candace, in your book, you wrote about your internal struggle, coming to terms with your feelings with women, and how there was a significant difference in how you were treated before and then how you were treated with your wife after coming fully out. What do you think made that so hard for you, even in a league where many players are very out and proud of it?
Parker: Well, going through it, I've supported someone who has come out before, and at the time I was dating men, so I just looked at it like, 'Why is this so difficult for you? Nobody cares, it's OK and it's accepted.' But when it's you, it's different. Growing up and reading the trashy magazines where you do the little tests to see who you're compatible with, based on movies and colors and all that stuff, I always envisioned a Prince Charming. So it's scary when you envision something your entire life, and then all of a sudden life hands you something not in the package that you expected it to come in. So it took a long time for me to be OK with it myself, and there's no way that you can fight a battle trying to explain yourself and validate who you love with others before you've officially done that, and come to grips with it yourself. Everyone probably knows someone who has gone through this struggle, and you can't explain it until you're in it. I understand that the world now sees it as great, and sees the fight as behind us and all those things, but it's not. You're still looked at in a different light based on who you love, and you still get the looks and the glares and all of those things.
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So as an individual and as a person who wants to be a role model, the hardest thing for me was with my family, because I wanted my nieces and nephews to still look up to me. I wanted them to still love me, and I wanted my brother's kids to still look at me as a role model. So I had to come to grips with that, and honestly, it's been my daughter, nieces and my nephews that have legit been so important for me. We told my nephew, and my nephew was literally like, 'What's for dinner?' Like, he didn't care. So just getting the support from my family and my friends was so important. And yes, I have lost some friends, but that's OK. You have to be at a point where it's OK in your journey to be able to withstand that, so I'm super grateful my our support system.
It's just crazy because I cannot believe it's only been three years; it seems like it's been forever. But that just shows that we need more visibility, and we need more people out there who are just living their lives and can provide some sort of roadmap and hope for those who are struggling. I can't imagine if someone was in control of my finances or where I lived or how I supported myself, and my decision of who I loved impacted that. So my heart and love go out to all of those people who are struggling with this. The mother who doesn't know how to support their daughter who's coming out, or kids seeing their parents choose love. This isn't easy to navigate, but at the end of the day, it's about having conversations and truly about being authentic and being open and honest in those conversations.
Keita: With this shift in transition, what are your thoughts on the term 'pretty baller' because when I was coming up, you were the definition of a 'pretty baller.' I remember I had my baby hairs like you did and all of that. But as the league continues to evolve, this concept of what basketball should look like and being feminine in basketball has evolved as well. Do you have any thoughts around that?
Parker: Here's the thing, now with social media I think that you're going to see people be able to follow who they follow. And again, I say numbers don't lie, check the scoreboard. There were so many times when people said females in general couldn't sell shoes and couldn't be on the covers of video games. But now we're seeing more women have the opportunity to do that, and the key is opportunity. Females come in all shapes and sizes, and when you talk about clothing, the runway and the ability to show off who you are, and your personality and being unapologetic about that, it's so important. So I'm proud of the WNBA because I don't think anybody has dimmed their light to fit into a box. I know myself that I couldn't control what other people thought of me. But I knew what I wanted to bring to the table every single day, which was Candace Parker. And every single day, I wanted to work harder to get closer towards being authentically myself.
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But for women in society, it's hard because you're judged by everything other than playing basketball. Then when you play basketball, it's not good enough. And when you play basketball, you've got to be competitive, but you can't be too muscular. I remember worrying about that in college when I was power cleaning because of my shoulders. And you would have seen at the ESPYs I was wearing this dress, and I remember seeing a comment when I accepted the Women's Sports Award from David Beckham, and someone saying, 'Well, she's pretty, but she's too muscular.' And I remember going home, looking in the mirror and being like, really? But now I bench 125 pounds easy, and I don't care. It's one of those things where with time, you realize that everybody is trying to critique everything in this culture. And everybody has a voice now with Twitter fingers and all that stuff. So you've just got to be you, and I think your community will find you.
This article originally appeared in The Athletic.
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