
Stephen Colbert jokes about ‘Late Show' cancellation, mocks JD Vance, and courts streaming platforms
Referencing a Daily Beast report about Vance allegedly requesting Ohio's river levels be raised for a personal boat trip, Colbert introduced a new character called 'Wittle Pwince Vance.' Donning a mask of the senator's face with a crown and using a baby voice, he mocked the alleged entitlement, exclaiming, 'I want my wiver waised for my birthday!' before dramatically demanding juice — and later an execution — from an imaginary royal court. 'Not fwuit juice — apple! Kill him! Kill him!' Colbert added, in full satirical character.
After removing the mask, Colbert turned to the camera and quipped, 'Netflix, call me. I'm available in June,' hinting at future job opportunities after CBS officially ends The Late Show in May 2026. He added, 'I will also entertain offers from Amazon,' as the bit continued.
Earlier in the episode, Colbert addressed recent criticisms from former President Donald Trump, who claimed Colbert and other late-night hosts lacked talent. Trump's comments surfaced shortly after CBS' parent company, Paramount, agreed to a $16 million settlement with Trump related to a legal dispute over 60 Minutes. While Paramount insists Colbert's show was canceled for financial reasons, speculation of political motivations has grown.
Colbert responded by sarcastically agreeing with Trump's talent assessment, telling his audience, 'I think we're all equally untalented.' He also aired a mock promotional clip highlighting Trump's remarks, ending with the graphic: 'Colbert is No. 1 in late night. Just ask our elderly viewers' — followed by a stamp reading 'Still Canceled!'
Colbert's final episodes are scheduled to air through May 2026, marking the end of a decade-long run.

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Express Tribune
5 hours ago
- Express Tribune
Zelensky cautions US, Russia against exclusion in talks
Listen to article US President Donald Trump and Russian President Vladimir Putin will meet in Alaska on August 15 to discuss ending the three-year conflict in Ukraine, despite warnings from Kyiv and European leaders that Ukraine must be included in any negotiations. Announcing the summit on Friday, Trump said there would be 'some swapping of territories to the betterment of both' Ukraine and Russia, without giving details. 'Ukrainians will not give their land to the occupier,' Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky said on social media hours later. 'Any decisions against us, any decisions without Ukraine, are also decisions against peace. They will achieve nothing.' He added that the war 'cannot be ended without us, without Ukraine'. Three rounds of talks between Russia and Ukraine this year have failed to produce results. Tens of thousands of people have been killed since Russia's full-scale invasion in February 2022, with millions displaced. Putin has rejected repeated calls from the US, Europe and Kyiv for a ceasefire. Zelensky said Kyiv was 'ready for real decisions that can bring peace' but insisted it must be a 'dignified peace'. He has been pressing for a three-way summit and has said meeting Putin is the only way to make progress. The Kremlin has ruled out talks between the two leaders at this stage. Read: Russia, Ukraine to swap 2,000 POWs, 6,000 bodies in largest war exchange The Alaska meeting will be the first between sitting US and Russian presidents since Joe Biden met Putin in Geneva in June 2021, nine months before Russian forces entered Ukraine. The Kremlin called the location 'logical' as the state borders Russia and is an area where their 'economic interests intersect'. Russia sold Alaska to the US in 1867. Zelensky described the choice as 'very far away from this war, which is raging on our land, against our people'. Moscow has also invited Trump to visit Russia later. The two leaders last met in person at the G20 summit in Japan in 2019 and have spoken several times by phone since January. On Friday, Putin spoke with leaders of China and India ahead of the talks. Trump has sought to broker peace in Ukraine since taking office but has yet to achieve a breakthrough. Earlier this year, the US president imposed an additional tariff on India over its purchases of Russian oil to pressure Moscow into talks, and threatened a similar measure against China but has not acted on it. Meanwhile, fighting continued along the more than 1,000-kilometre frontline. Overnight, Russia and Ukraine exchanged dozens of drone strikes. In Kherson, a bus carrying civilians was hit, killing two people and injuring six.


Express Tribune
5 hours ago
- Express Tribune
Defence minister urges Trump to broker peace deal for Palestine
Defence Minister Khawaja Asif on Saturday praised US President Donald Trump for mediating a peace agreement between Azerbaijan and Armenia, expressing hope that Trump would take similar steps to help resolve the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. 'It is hoped that President Trump will play a similar historic role in achieving peace and a two-state solution for Palestine,' Asif wrote on X, formerly Twitter. "President Trump's role in brokering a peace agreement between Azerbaijan and Armenia is commendable. There are indications that President Trump may facilitate peace between Russia and Ukraine. Earlier, a ceasefire between Pakistan and India was also made possible through… — Khawaja M. Asif (@KhawajaMAsif) August 9, 2025 'The innocent Palestinians targeted in Gaza also look forward to President Trump's intervention for lasting peace,' he added. 'Humanity awaits an end to Zionist atrocities and Palestinian genocide. History will remember him forever.' 14 dead in Israeli strikes At least 14 Palestinians, including nine people seeking aid, were killed in Israeli attacks across Gaza since dawn, according to local health authorities. Two people were killed and transported to the Nasser Medical Complex from a Global Humanitarian Foundation (GHF) distribution site in southern Gaza. In Khan Younis, an Israeli air strike targeting an apartment killed one woman and wounded another person. At least 11 more were killed in northern Gaza and taken to Al-Awda Hospital, including six who died while waiting for food near the Netzarim Corridor. The ongoing blockade of Gaza by Israel has created a deepening starvation crisis, compounded by repeated attacks on food distribution points. Read: Infant, 4-year-old child die of hunger in Gaza Since late May, the UN estimates that at least 859 people have been killed in or around aid distribution sites operated by GHF, a US- and Israel-backed company contracted to run food delivery points in the enclave. Doctors Without Borders (MSF) described the GHF-run sites as 'synonymous with stampedes, suffocating crowd surges, violent looting and lethal 'crowd control' measures.' The group called for an immediate end to what it described as Israel's 'militarised food distribution scheme,' referring to it as 'institutionalised starvation and dehumanisation.' Condemnations against Israel's plan to seize Gaza city The foreign ministers of Australia, Germany, Italy, New Zealand, and the United Kingdom have strongly condemned Israel's plan to launch a large-scale military operation in Gaza City, warning it risks violating international humanitarian law. Prime Minister Shehbaz Sharif also strongly condemned the Israeli cabinet's recent approval of a plan to assume control of Gaza City, calling it illegal and illegitimate and warning that the move represents a dangerous escalation in the ongoing conflict in Palestine. "We strongly condemn the Israeli cabinet's approval of a plan to take illegal and illegitimate control of Gaza City. This tantamounts to a dangerous escalation in an already catastrophic war against the people of Palestine," the PM said. The announcement by Israel's security cabinet on Friday approving the takeover of Gaza City has sparked panic among Palestinians sheltering there. Nearly one million people, many of them displaced multiple times, are currently in the city. The plan reportedly involves the forcible removal of civilians into so-called concentration zones in the southern Gaza Strip. 'I swear to God that I have faced death like 100 times, so for me, it's better to die here,' said Ahmed Hirz, a displaced resident of Gaza City. 'I will never leave here,' he told Al Jazeera. 'We have gone through suffering and starvation and torture and miserable conditions, and our final decision is to die here.' Read more: US offering Israel tacit support on Gaza plan US taxpayer dollars used to starve children US Senator Bernie Sanders has renewed his criticism of American military aid to Israel amid growing concerns over starvation in Gaza. In a post on X, Sanders said '18,500 children have been killed by the Israeli military in Gaza,' adding that 'despite these war crimes, the US has provided more than $22 billion for the war.' 18,500 children have been killed by the Israeli military in Gaza. Despite these war crimes, the US has provided more than $22 BILLION for the war. Our taxpayer dollars are being used to starve children, bomb schools & gun down hungry people as they wait for aid. — Sen. Bernie Sanders (@SenSanders) August 7, 2025 'Our taxpayer dollars are being used to starve children, bomb schools & gun down hungry people as they wait for aid,' he wrote. Israel's war on Gaza The Israeli army has launched a brutal offensive against Gaza since October 2023, killing at least 58,667 Palestinians, including 17,400 children. More than 139,974 people have been injured, and over 14,222 are missing and presumed dead. Last November, the International Criminal Court issued arrest warrants for Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and his former Defence Minister Yoav Gallant for war crimes and crimes against humanity in Gaza. Israel also faces a genocide case at the International Court of Justice for its war on the enclave. The proposed deal includes a pause in hostilities, increased humanitarian aid, and negotiations on the release of captives.


Business Recorder
9 hours ago
- Business Recorder
PM Shehbaz welcomes US-brokered peace agreement between Azerbaijan, Armenia
Pakistan has welcomed the historic peace agreement signed between the Republic of Azerbaijan and the Republic of Armenia, which was finalised at a White House Summit under the auspices of US President Donald J. Trump. In statement on his social media account, Prime Minister Shehbaz Sharif said Pakistan hailed the landmark development, calling it the 'dawn of a new era of peace, stability, and cooperation in the South Caucasus,' a region that has endured decades of conflict and human suffering. 'We congratulate President Ilham Aliyev and the people of Azerbaijan on this historic agreement,' the statement read, adding that it reflects 'wisdom, foresight and sagacity in charting a course for a peaceful future for their region.' Azerbaijan and Armenia signed a US-brokered peace agreement on Friday during a meeting with Trump that would boost bilateral economic ties after decades of conflict and move them toward a full normalisation of their relations. The deal between the South Caucasus rivals would be a significant accomplishment for the Trump administration that is sure to rattle Moscow, which sees the region as within its sphere of influence. 'It's a long time — 35 years — they fought and now they're friends, and they're going to be friends for a long time,' Trump said at a signing ceremony at the White House, where he was flanked by Azerbaijani President Ilham Aliyev and Armenian Prime Minister Nikol Pashinyan. Armenia, Azerbaijan agree treaty terms to end almost 40 years of conflict Armenia and Azerbaijan have been at odds since the late 1980s when Nagorno-Karabakh, a mountainous Azerbaijani region mostly populated by ethnic Armenians, broke away from Azerbaijan with support from Armenia. Azerbaijan took back full control of the region in 2023, prompting almost all of the territory's 100,000 ethnic Armenians to flee to Armenia. In his remarks, PM Shehbaz reaffirmed Pakistan's steadfast support for the 'brotherly nation of Azerbaijan' and expressed solidarity with them during this 'proud moment of their history.' The premier also extended his appreciation to the United States and President Trump for their crucial facilitation role in bringing the two sides together. The agreement, he said, will 'open new avenues for trade, connectivity, and regional integration.' He expressed the hope that this spirit of dialogue would serve as an example for other regions around the world that are facing protracted conflicts. FM Dar hails resolution of decades-old conflict Meanwhile, Deputy Prime Minister and Foreign Minister Ishaq Dar also hailed the decision measures for resolution of decades-old conflict. 'Today marks a truly historic moment as Azerbaijan and Armenia take a decisive step towards resolving a bitter conflict that has lasted for over three decades,' he wrote in a post on his social media account. He commended the vision and resolve shown by President Aliyev in steering this process, and deeply appreciated the role of President Trump in facilitating this breakthrough. 'I also extend my heartiest congratulations to my brother Foreign Minister Jeyhun Bayramov as Azerbaijan moves forward on the path of peace with Armenia. 'May this milestone pave the way in the Caucasus for a future free of the painful shadows of the past, and one built on peace, stability, and hope,' he added.