Starmer grabs the fire blanket as tariff flames climb higher

Telegraph

03-04-2025

As the blaze sparked by Trump's tariffs raged around the world, the Starmer administration reached for its human fire blanket in the form of the President of the Board of Trade. Jonathan Reynolds has a reassuringly sedate manner and appearance – with more than a hint of George V in his twilight years. Excepting that time he claimed to be a solicitor but wasn't, the Business Secretary is generally considered one of the Cabinet's safer pairs of hands.
This may sound like being the best swimmer on the Titanic, but today it was a placidity which the Government wanted to project. From Mr Reynolds's answers, the UK's strategy appears to be 'Keep calm and clear eyed' and hope that a deal emerges. Or, as Corporal Jones memorably put it, 'DON'T PANIC!'
Andrew Griffith, the shadow business secretary, popped up with an unwelcome dose of reality. 'We are in the same situation as Kosovo, Costa Rica and the Christmas Islands. Not that special at all.' Indeed. He even attempted a bit of weapons-grade trolling by urging the assembled Labour MPs to congratulate the opposition on pushing Brexit through.
Backbench highlights included Stella Creasy trying and failing to get a laugh for her lamentable joke about chlorinated chicken. Jeremy Corbyn stood up to ask about R'NHS, wearing what looked like a sheriff's badge, but might well have been the Order of Lenin (3rd Class). Another blast from the past came when Emily Thornberry asked whether the Government had sought the expert advice of one Boris Johnson.
Away from the House, where unsurprisingly the Government's big guns were less-than-eager to be, Labour was launching its local election campaign. Proceedings began with the younger sister of Rachel Reeves, Ellie, who is chairman of the party and exactly as inspiring as you'd expect of one who shares gametes with the Playmobil Chancellor. Behind her stood a random assortment of local MPs from the pop-up board of the game Guess Who? Are they wearing glasses? Are they nodding like a malfunctioning marionette? Are they a Starmerite goon? That sort of thing.
After Reeves the Less came Big Ange, proclaiming that Labour councils made a difference. That, at least, was true, as the rat-infested streets of Birmingham bear witness. 'We're only just getting started!' she yelled at the audience. Like most things she says, it sounded like a threat. It turns out Ange was actually only there to introduce Sir Oinky. This endless set of introductions was like a Russian Doll with increasingly disappointing interiors.
The Prime Minister's career has been about as far from local government as it is possible to be. He probably thinks that the World Economic Forum or the UN do the bins. Still, he duly sputtered out all the usual codswallop and buzzwords: 'our plan for change' has basically turned into one gobbled syllable.
The most illuminating thing about the PM's presence was whom he spent his time attacking; Reform UK drew the vast majority of his invective. They were irresponsible whereas he, surrenderer of the Chagos, watcher of Adolescence and scourge of the farmers, he alone was responsible. Whether on stage in the East Midlands or in the House of Commons, Labour are still trying to portray themselves as the calm and collected 'grown-ups in the room'. Meanwhile, a new truth is beginning to emerge, which was obvious in both places today: they're frit.