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Behind the curtain: The lurid fun of an ‘adults only' pantomime
THE NAUGHTY PANTOMIME
It was adults only at The Kenton in Henley-on-Thames:
Halfway through Sleeping With Beauty a pale and ghostly
Seven-foot inflated phallus stepped onto the stage,
Air-filled testicles bouncing against the footsteps of its inner man
As he was followed by two more, the balls of one deflating
And dragging on the floor, to the hysterical observations
Of an enthusiastic audience. Was Prince Charming
Really sleeping with Beauty? Or with the rest of the cast?
As I write this down, I realise our confusion was because
The sexes were exchanged and nothing as it seemed
Was meant to last, except our laughter and the bright green dildo
In the gift bag on the theatre shelf, put there for safety and effect
By an actor acting as a spellbound elf. Maleficent,
In his skin-tight black with glittering horns, untied the story's end
With menacing grace and a crimson smile so wide
It cracked the layers of chalk upon his face from side to side.
When Princess Rose broke into song like a hyper-sexed canary
The expressions of astonishment on the faces of my friends
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She also revealed that she makes her own hair masks, adding: 'Every few months I mix up a terrible potion of thick conditioner and olive oil and sleep with it in my hair.' But while you attempt to disguise ageing on the outside, Hurley also prioritises well-being and nutrition to keep the inside of her body in good form too. In January 2024, she revealed in an Instagram post about how she avoids junk food and ultra-processed foods, which she described as 'anything that contains any ingredient that I don't have in my own kitchen'. She also ensures that every plate of food is made up of at least half fruit and vegetables to ensure she is getting enough fibre. Hurley says that she doesn't snack at all and instead just eats breakfast, lunch and dinner early on in the day - and usually before 7pm - to aid digestion She said: 'My tastes are pretty simple - I don't drink weird green juices or anything like that. My mantra is: don't eat too much, too fast, too often or too late. Or, put another way, eat smaller meals, chew properly, ban snacking, and eat dinner earlier. This works for me.' Hurley also enjoys making a lot of her cupboard staples from scratch, rather than purchasing it ready-made from the shop. She told You Magazine: 'I eat lots of protein too, and I make my own bread. I found an old breadmaker that belonged to the previous owners of my house - it's straight out of the 1980s. I have a lot of bread - I love it. 'For years, I would buy wholemeal bread in the supermarket, not realising how much terrible stuff is in it. Like many, I'm obsessed with ultra-processed foods [UPF]. 'If you make a loaf of bread yourself and have a nice slice with butter and Marmite or honey, you're not hungry. And it's only one slice. Whereas with UPF bread you could have six slices and still go for another piece of toast.' Hurley says that she doesn't snack at all and instead just eats breakfast, lunch and dinner early on in the day - and usually before 7pm - to aid digestion. And a good diet usually goes hand-in-hand with a great workout regime. But Hurley admits she doesn't go to the gym and force exercise, but rather incorporates it into her everyday life. She has sported some legendary dresses over the years, including her £3,000 black safety pin Versace gown often referred to as 'THAT dress' when she accompanied Hugh Grant to the premiere of Four Weddings and a Funeral in 1994 Whether she's waiting for the kettle to boil, cleaning her teeth or drawing her bath, the actress steals back these precious minutes to do stretches, exercises and even some ballet moves to keep her fit and healthy. She told the outlet: 'I've done a lot of yoga and Pilates. I need to stretch a lot because I sometimes have a bit of a sore back. They could be ballet, yoga or old-fashioned stretching moves. I do them while waiting for the kettle to boil or cleaning my teeth. 'And when I'm in the country I do lots of walking and gardening. I'm always moving furniture, too. I'm pretty active. I don't really sit down until 6pm – I think it's quite good for you. Then you can flop!' She also admitted to the Telegraph that she does a lot of gardening and house work, adding that she doesn't like to sit still very much. Hurley is often showing off her toned washboard abs by stripping down to her bikini on Instagram, often to promote her swimwear brand, Elizabeth Hurley Beach, which she launched in 2005. She has sported some legendary dresses over the years, including her £3,000 black safety pin Versace gown often referred to as 'THAT dress' when she accompanied Hugh Grant to the premiere of Four Weddings and a Funeral in 1994. From Versace and Valentino to Gucci under the helm of Tom Ford, Hurley is anything but basic at red carpet events and often steals the show with some of the most figure-hugging, glitzy garments. She proved that age was just a number when she dug out her iridescent cowl-neck Versace gown that she famously wore to the Council of Fashion Designers of America (CFDA) awards in 1999. Twenty years later, she put on the same glamorous frock and it fit her like a glove, indicating that she managed to maintain the toned physique she had when she was 34 at 55 years old - proving she is unafraid of a daring fashion statement. Mike Adler, who's been her stylist for red carpet events, tours and special projects since 2018, told the Telegraph: 'Her signature style always remains glamorous with ultra clean lines. A formal look centres around a brilliant cut, a bold, bright colour and a favourable neckline or deep plunge. 'She's always incredibly supportive of designers and their craft, and appreciative of being able to present with total confidence in the public eye.'
