Tim's teammates made jokes about his sexuality. So he quit team sports

SBS Australia

23-04-2025

Tim Cassettari was led away from team sports after experiencing homophobia. Research has shown that LGBTIQ+ people are experiencing as much homophobia as they did a decade ago. Image has been digitally altered. Source: SBS Content warning: This article references homophobic slurs. At 15, Tim Cassettari had all the attributes of a good athlete; he was a fast, hardworking attacking team player. Despite that, after matches, he would sit in silence in the change rooms while his sexuality — which he had not yet disclosed to his teammates — was the butt of jokes. "I was a teenager going through puberty and working through sexuality … all of my teammates were discussing how they would never want to play in the same team as someone that's gay," Tim (now 34) told The Feed. One night after a game, Tim said he went home and prayed he wasn't gay. "I was led to believe that people wouldn't accept me for being gay." The issues LGBTIQ+ people face in traditionally "straight" male sports are ongoing. Ten years ago, between 75-80 per cent of LGBTIQ+ people witnessed homophobia in sport, according to a 2016 Australian research paper published in the Annals of Leisure Research. Despite the social progress that the legislation of same-sex marriage in 2017 has helped steer, a 2024 study has found almost no change to rates of homophobia in sport.
Research around queer participation in sport is limited, and the Census will only start asking about sexual orientation from 2026. Gay men felt particularly unwelcome in sports, according to the 2024 study research report Free to Exist, published and funded by Victoria Health, which surveyed 506 LGBTIQ+ people aged 16-25. Tim's experience supports the survey's findings: he said he didn't "feel safe" in the environment. "You would have comments when you're in the dressing room like: 'how bad would it be if there was a gay person in the team here while we're all getting changed?'" Tim said.
"Everyone bursts out laughing, thinking it's the funniest thing, but as the gay person in the team it really affects you — and you don't feel safe to be yourself in that environment." Tim said he felt like he had to keep his sexuality "inside" during this period, and although he finally came out at the age of 24, decided to drop football after that season to pursue rock climbing. "I felt like that was a safer environment for me … as opposed to being in that whole masculine setting with outdoor soccer."
Dr Ryan Storr from the Sport Innovation Research Group at Swinburne University of Technology is a co-author of the Free to Exist research paper. He said young men often engage in homophobia as a way of proving their masculinity, according to an idealised version of what it means to be a man.
"Often when they use homophobic language and slurs — they sometimes don't use it to cause harm, but because they think it will give them status and help them fit in with the group's norms," Storr said. When it comes to older members of sporting clubs, they feel ingrained within the culture of their club and often struggle to adapt to social change, such as diverse sexualities, according to a South Australian research paper looking into sport and the LGBTIQ+ community published in the Frontiers in Psychology academic journal in 2021.
Some queer men abandon team sports altogether — and if they rejoin, they often seek gay-friendly specific clubs, Storr said. He added it should be "an option, not a necessity" for queer people to feel like they have to resort to this. "It's my belief that every LGBTIQ+ person should be able to go down to their local sports club and play that sport free of discrimination, vilification, and feel that they can play in a safe space," Storr said. "We know the research shows that's not the case." Tim started playing football again in his early 30s and found a gay-friendly club in Brisbane, where he said he felt safer and more supported. But the homophobic abuse still followed him. "We had two instances of homophobia amongst opposition," he said. "So one instance one of my teammates was called a f--got and another instance where I was called fairy."
Tim believes people may rethink their attitudes if more queer people in sport are visible. Take Josh Cavallo, the Adelaide United A-League player who is Australia's only male footballer to come out as gay while playing at the professional level. He's become a role model for the LGBTIQ+ sporting community. But despite this, he still receives death threats online. "[Coming out] has come with a mountain of downsides .... There's multiple, multiple, multiple death threats that come my way daily still," he said on FIFPRO's Footballers Unfiltered podcast in March.
Almost half of young LGBTIQ+ people have experienced discrimination (mostly verbal) in sport, according to the Free to Exist report. It also found that participation from the young LGBTIQ+ community in local sport has declined in recent years. For David (not his real name), 19, feelings of homophobia and isolation as a bisexual man led him away from male team sports entirely. "Any time I consider starting again, I remember that feeling of isolation and experiencing the casual homophobia present in a lot of sporting places — even though statistically, I know there would be a lot more queer team members than just myself," David told The Feed.
He quit last year and said he has no desire to return. David played a variety of male team sports, including Australian rules football, cricket, baseball and football. He said homophobia was "bled" into the culture from being at an all-boys school. "There was definitely a sense of homophobia being the norm," David said. He said casual jokes were often unchallenged in change rooms, leading to the normalisation of inappropriate language. He admits he went along with these jokes, choosing to avoid ostracism. "By doing nothing to challenge these things, even if they're just jokes, you create a culture of homophobia by default. I'd argue that's part of what happens even at top-level dressing rooms," he said. "If everyone who was queer came out at once, the illusion that no one was [queer] and that it was OK to be homophobic would shatter — but each comment went unchallenged, which made the next one easier for them to say, and harder for anyone to challenge."
In one instance, David said a teammate who quit football and came out as gay was later mocked by teammates behind their back. "I still think players like Cavallo are an exception, rather than a welcomed part of a lot of sporting communities," David said. To this day, David hasn't come out to his former teammates. So why are some male team sports so far behind?
'Pride rounds' in football's A-Leagues and other Australian top-level competitions like the AFL and NRL — which are designed to celebrate the LGBTIQ+ community within sport — may not necessarily be achieving what they intend to. Storr believes these rounds can "open the flood gates" to homophobia. This was evident when A-League team Brisbane Roar posted on social media about Pride celebrations in February. The post was swarmed with negative comments including: "I'm not supporting the mentally disturbed", and "Child groomer round". He said the attitudes and language seen at the professional stage "trickles" down to the community level. "When those incidents happen at the senior level, the young boys start using that language, because they've seen it and they think it's a cool thing to do," he said. An A-Leagues spokesperson told The Feed in a statement they had "taken strides forward" to make football more inclusive for fans and players.
"We were proud to hold our third league-wide Pride Celebration this year, again grounded in player education and the ambition to make a long-term impact ... we want everyone to feel welcome at the A-Leagues." Storr believes the political climate in the US is leading to a rise in homophobic language. "It's giving people free reign to actually say 'Well, I want to talk about gay men in a certain way and I have the right to do that under free speech — and I should be allowed to do it,'" Storr said. "And when we see the advancement of gender equality, what we're seeing is men pushing back against it and increasing vitriol online." When community sports gets it right, it can provide a positive and safe environment for queer people. Women typically experience about half the amount of homophobia as men and non-binary people in team sports, according to the Annals of Leisure Research report.
Storr points out that coming out is not a "one-time" thing and goes far beyond sporting settings — and for the multicultural LGBTIQ+ community, there are ongoing challenges. "I think there needs to be more education around that … for many [non-Western] communities, coming out isn't an option … the cultural practices around that and around sexuality and gender are very, very different from white Western societies." And young people may feel disincentivised in coming out, as Storr said doing so can "put a target on their" back for homophobia. "Unfortunately, I don't think homophobia is going anywhere." Watch now