The Difference Between Gender and Sexuality: Explained

Cosmopolitan

4 days ago

Beyond the binaries of gay and straight, male and female lies a broad spectrum of identities. (All are real and valid, despite what certain executive orders or conservative talking points would have you believe.) And while people often assume that gender identity and sexual orientation are the same thing, they are, in fact, distinct, explains Shane Diamond, director of communications and advocacy at GLAAD.
Gender is your innate sense of self, which may or may not align with your biological sex assigned at birth. Sexual orientation refers to the direction your romantic attraction takes—whether that's toward people of the same, different, or all genders. Meanwhile, no one is beholden to just one gender or sexual orientation, explains queer therapist Shae Harmon. And some people may choose not to label their identities at all, adds gender psychologist Natalia Zhikhareva, PhD.
As awareness of the many ways you can identify continues to expand, so does the language around them. Understanding all this has never been more important, as it's a critical way to defend marginalized communities against discrimination. So we're sharing this 101 guide to some—but by no means all—of the ways people experience their myriad identities.
It's important to note that identity is nuanced, complex, and highly individual, which means these terms may mean different things to those who identify with them. The following definitions are meant to provide a baseline intro to these labels and some of the ways they may be used. For more information on the history, usage, and meaning of these gender and sexuality terms, please refer to the explainers linked throughout.
Someone attracted to people of the same gender. Traditionally, this term referred only to men who experience attraction to other men but has become an inclusive label that may be used by people of all genders who identify as part of the LGBTQIA+ community, says Harmon.
Traditionally used to describe women who are attracted to other women, the term has become more inclusive and is now used by anyone who has a personal connection to their womanhood and is attracted to the same. For example, a nonbinary person might still be a lesbian, says Harmon.
This once referred to attraction to both men and women but may now include anyone attracted to more than one gender.
Attraction to people of all genders, typically without regard for gender identity. Pan folks may describe themselves as being attracted to souls or individuals rather than people of specific genders.
Historically an anti-gay slur, 'queer' has since been reclaimed as an umbrella term that can encompass all LGBTQIA+ identities and experiences.
Experiencing attraction to all genders, but—in a crucial distinction to pansexuality—gender can still play a role in attraction. This may include a preference for certain gendered characteristics, like androgyny, femininity, or masculinity, says Harmon.
An umbrella term for many identities that fall under the asexual spectrum, 'ace' people experience little to no sexual attraction or only experience it under specific circumstances. For example, in demisexuality, there must be an emotional connection to feel sexual attraction.
Someone whose gender identity does not align with the sex they were assigned at birth and who may or may not go through gender transition. This is the opposite of cisgender, which describes people whose gender identity aligns with their sex assigned at birth—for example, someone who identifies as a man and was assigned male at birth.
An umbrella term for people who identify outside the male-female binary. It encompasses specific identities like genderqueer, which has roots in queer activism, and gender nonconforming, which means not engaging in stereotypical roles, behaviors, and expressions of one's assigned gender.
Someone who identifies as two genders. Bigender people may feel they switch between genders or they may identify as both genders simultaneously, explains queer sex educator Tara Jones.
If you identify as pangender, 'you understand yourself to contain many—if not all—genders,' says Jones. As with bigender, you may experience all these identities at once or switch between them.
A person whose gender is not fixed and flows among various identities, shifting over time or depending on the situation. This fluctuation is key in that pan-, bi-, or polygender folks also contain multiple genders but may not switch between them like with genderfluidity.
If you identify with multiple but not necessarily many or all genders, you may consider yourself poly- rather than pangender. A polygender person may also identify as genderfluid.
Literally meaning 'without gender,' this term is often used when traditional concepts of gender simply don't resonate with you or if you feel your identity exists outside of gender entirely, says Jones.