Do Grandmothers Deserve Baby Showers Too? New Trend Sparks Debate
Is it OK for grandmothers to have their own baby showers to celebrate the arrival of future grandchildren?
'It's a big deal to become a new grandparent and it deserves to be celebrated, but it's not the same as becoming a parent,' a grandmother of three, who uses the pseudonym DeeDee Moore on social media, tells TODAY.com.
Moore, who runs the TikTok account and website 'More Than Grand,' unpacked the topic in a video captioned, 'What do you think about granny showers?'
'OK, there are definitely two opinions about grandmother showers,' Moore said in the video. 'Opinion one: Grandmother showers are a lovely way to welcome a friend or co-worker into their new role. Opinion two: Granny showers are inappropriate and tacky gift grabs. So, which is it?'
'If a group of co-workers gets together and has a lunch where they celebrate someone becoming a new grandmother — giving her a card and a cake and a book about grandparenting or some things to keep at her house for the baby — it's a lovely way to welcome somebody to this new stage of life,' Moore said in the video.
Moore added: 'When the grandmother shower rivals the shower for the actual parents, that's where it crosses a line.'
'Traditionally, a shower is thrown to help provide a young couple with the things that they can't afford themselves,' Moore pointed out in the video. 'It's harder to justify a shower for a grandmother who can likely afford most of the things she needs and probably won't need that many things to begin with.'
Moore said gift-givers should think about what expecting parents need before they gift the grandparents.
'So, what do you think: Are grandmother showers a good trend or one that we should say goodbye to?' Moore asked in the video.
The TikTok responses were heated:
'It's peak narcissism.'
'I don't understand the 'new role' comment. There is no 'role.' We're the parents. They get to observe and show love.'
'No grandmother shower. No circumstances support this.'
'A cute lunch with some goodies would be great, but wanting gifts like cribs and baby clothes is TOO much and puts an expectation that the baby will be sleeping over grandma's house a bunch.'
'Inappropriate and tacky. If the person is becoming a grandparent, they've already had their own children. The grandchild isn't a 'do-over' for them.'
'My friend is going to be a first-time grandmother. We are definitely having a get-together to celebrate her excitement.'
'I think the key is that grandma's shower should include a different set of guests, so the same people aren't getting hit up for gifts twice.'
''No' to the shower. But 'Yes' to a few friends celebrating new grandparents.'
'It's tacky as hell.'
'I can totally see how this would get out of hand. It's sweet for a few close friends to help you celebrate your new role but tread very lightly.'
'I've never heard of it, but I think it's great.'
'The absolute only time a grandparent shower should happen is if it's thrown by the parents of the baby. Or, possibly a small surprise party at work planned and attended by co-workers only.'
Moore tells TODAY.com that she believes celebrating a future grandchild with close friends or co-workers is a nice way to mark a new life stage — but she has some reservations.
First, she says, parents should preferably be the ones to suggest a 'grand shower.' When it's the grandparents' idea, they should get the parents' blessing.
'It's one thing if friends throw you a little shower — you don't need permission for that — but if you're planning a shower and have not consulted with the parents ... that's not OK,' says Moore. 'The prime focus needs to be on the new mom.'
According to Moore, 'grand showers' are even less necessary for veteran grandparents, who have already experienced a change in the family dynamic.
Moore says 'meal-prep showers' could be a replacement for grandparent showers.
'Get everyone in the kitchen to make meals for the new family,' says Moore. 'You can enjoy a glass of champagne and talk about how wonderful it is to become a new grandparent while providing something useful to the parents.'
This article was originally published on TODAY.com
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