How do I work with a ‘petty colleague' who started treating me poorly because of a delay in my replying to her text message?

Independent Singapore

11-05-2025

SINGAPORE: A frustrated employee took to Reddit to share how a petty colleague started acting up over a delayed text reply.
On Saturday (May 10), she posted on the r/askSingapore to seek advice from her fellow locals.
According to her post, she had been assigned to co-lead a project with this colleague, and part of the task involved bringing two other team members on board. As the project involved a lot of backend coordination, including sending emails, making phone calls, and liaising with external parties, she was understandably tied up with those responsibilities.
While she was in the middle of handling those tasks, her colleague texted her to ask for the contact numbers of the two teammates who were meant to support them. However, she only managed to see and respond to the message around 30 minutes later after finishing what she was working on.
'I did not see the message until about 30 minutes later as I was busy,' she wrote. 'As a result (because of the delay in replying), she now treats me like someone who doesn't know their stuff at work.'
Since that incident, her colleague has reportedly been undermining her during discussions, constantly nitpicking her contributions, and shooting down her suggestions.
'To think this person is in their 40s and still behaves like that… what would you do if you were me?' she asked at the end of her post. 'Don't fight pettiness.'
In the comments, many advised her not to let the colleague's behaviour get under her skin.
'No need to be bothered by such a colleague. Too free and petty. It'll show in their work eventually. 30 minutes is not very long for someone who is busy. But maybe it feels long for someone like her who's too eng (free),' one said.
'Don't fight pettiness, la, no way to win if you go down to their level,' another stated.
Others, however, took a more assertive stance and encouraged the employee to push back against unreasonable behaviour.
'Why can she not email and ask the other two people?' one individual asked. 'Tell her you can't and shouldn't share others' personal numbers without their prior consent either. Avoid using personal numbers for work unless necessary.'
Another suggested, 'Next time she texts/messages you, take two working days to reply. She cannot wait? Make her wait longer.'
Still, there were a few commenters who tried to look at the situation from both perspectives. One wrote, 'Did you apologise for the delayed response, assuming it was an urgent ask? If yes, then she's being petty. If not, then you contributed to it.' Dealing with a petty colleague
According to The Financial Diet , one of the most effective ways to deal with a petty or passive-aggressive colleague is to avoid engaging in their behaviour. When you choose not to react to their antics (like sarcastic comments or constant nitpicking), they often lose interest because they are not receiving the emotional reaction/response they're craving for.
Passive-aggressive individuals tend to thrive on subtle conflict and drama, and by staying calm and composed, you take away their source of power.
However, if ignoring the behaviour does not improve, career experts recommend addressing the issue directly but respectfully. Instead of mirroring their negativity, calmly acknowledge the situation and set clear boundaries.
For example, if your colleague is nitpicking your work because of a late reply, you could say, 'I was tied up with tasks and didn't see your message immediately. If there's any confusion, I'm happy to clarify.'
By confronting the issue in a professional and composed way, you shift the tone of the interaction. This signals that you are aware of what is happening and are choosing to address it maturely rather than let it fester. Often, this change in approach can prompt the colleague to drop the passive-aggression and communicate more respectfully.
However, if the behaviour continues despite your efforts, it may be worth raising the issue with a supervisor or HR to prevent further disruption to your work.
Read also: My wife's office manager keeps spiking her drink, yet the company still keeps the manager around
Featured image by freepik (for illustration purposes only)