Seth Meyers on Trump's cognitive test: ‘The written version of a boxing referee holding up three fingers'
Seth Meyers opened Tuesday's Late Night with a recap of Donald Trump's effort to take over the metro police in Washington DC. During Monday's announcement that the federal government would deploy national guard troops in the city, Donald Trump said that he wanted residents to feel safe going to the store to buy a newspaper. 'You think I need to go to the store to buy a newspaper? Is that right after my milk gets delivered?' Meyers laughed.
During the same press conference, Trump also discussed his upcoming meeting with Vladimir Putin, and said, 'I think it will be good, but it might be bad.' 'Only Trump talks about a peace conference like it's a new Marvel movie,' said Meyers, adding: 'Look, they got Chris Evans back and worst-case scenario, the place has AC.'
In a post last week on Truth Social, Trump promoted a book about the assassination attempt on his life last summer, but misspelled the author's name. 'Don't take it personally, he also misspelled his wife's name,' said Meyers, pointing out that Trump called Melania 'Melanie' on Truth Social, as well.
'At this point, we should just be glad that he can manage his own – oh right, can't do that either.'
In another post to Truth Social, Trump said the Democratic congresswoman Jasmine Crockett had a 'low (very!!!) IQ' and that she should take a cognitive test 'much like the one I recently took while getting my 'physical' at our GREAT Washington DC Military Hospital.'
'Do you mean Walter Reed?' said Meyers, referring to the famous military hospital where Trump underwent this test. 'There's nothing quite like bragging about your cognitive ability as you forget the name of the famous place where you took your dementia test.'
Trump added that he 'ACED' the cognitive test, 'something that is rarely seen'.
'OK, again, it is a test to make sure that you don't have brain damage,' said Meyers. 'It's the written version of a boxing referee holding up three fingers. He doesn't do that if you seem fine!'
And during a meeting last week with business leaders, former New York governor Andrew Cuomo compared his relationship with Donald trump to a 'dysfunctional marriage'.
'Well, you know, what's one more?' said Meyers next to a photo of Trump and Melania.
On the Tonight Show, Jimmy Fallon reacted excitedly to the news of Taylor Swift's new album. The singer confirmed her 12th album, The Life of a Showgirl, at 12:12am ET on 12 August in a teaser trailer for the New Heights podcast hosted by her boyfriend Tracis Kelce and his brother Jason. 'Americans are like, wait … there's good news out there?' Fallon joked. 'I don't know what to do with myself!'
'Seriously, we all need Taylor Swift right now,' he continued, 'because without her music and her merchandise, we end up doing weird stuff like starting our labubu collection.'
The announcement made Swift's website crash, 'and then out of habit, so did Ticketmaster's', Fallon quipped.
'As of now we don't know the exact release date, but we do know that no one else is releasing music that day,' he added.
In political news, the White House confirmed that Trump's upcoming meeting with Putin would take place in the city of Anchorage, Alaska. 'Temperatures should be overcast and in the 50s,' said Fallon. 'Or as Putin put it: beach weather, baby!'
The White House also said the meeting with Putin would be a 'listening exercise' for Trump. 'And we all know listening and exercise are Trump's two favorite things,' said a skeptical Fallon. 'This should go well.'
Trump, for his part, said he would know 'probably in the first two minutes' whether a deal is possible with Putin for peace in Ukraine, which was not invited to the summit. 'It's reassuring when a president talks about ending a war like a Tinder date,' Fallon joked. But that amount of time makes sense, he added, 'because according to Stormy Daniels, two minutes is plenty'.
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