Colm Tóibín on the state of Irish literature, his favourite Australian writers and his latest novel, Long Island
He's not the only international guest who has used the long flight from the northern hemisphere to read Garner's journals, recently published in the UK in one formidable edition.
At Adelaide Writers Week, British writer Charlotte Mendelson told Kate Evans, host of ABC Radio National's The Bookshelf, that's what she read on the plane, too.
"Everyone I know is reading Helen Garner," Tóibín tells ABC Arts, speaking via Zoom from his home in LA.
Tóibín, who turns 70 this year, is the author of 11 novels, including The Blackwater Lightship (1999), The Master (2004) and The Testament of Mary (2013), all shortlisted for the Booker Prize.
He's well-versed in Australia's local literary scene, partly owing to his one-time side hustle as a publisher.
In 2008, Tóibín and his agent, Peter Straus, established a small publishing imprint, Tuskar Rock Press, which published Australian authors, including David Malouf and Tim Winton, in the UK.
It also published Christos Tsiolkas's The Slap, which turned out to be a barbecue stopper there in the same way it was in Australia.
"Every single person that summer was reading The Slap," Tóibín says.
While the likes of Tóibín and his compatriots Sebastian Barry, Claire Keegan and Sally Rooney are exalted figures in Australia, Tóibín pushes back against the popular belief that Irish literature exceeds anything on offer here.
"We haven't produced Germaine Greer … We haven't produced Robert Hughes. We haven't produced Richard Flanagan," he says.
Nor, he says, has Ireland produced a diarist to compare with Helen Garner.
In Australia, the author will attend events in Melbourne and Sydney to discuss the state of Irish literature and his latest novel, Long Island, a follow-up to 2009's much-loved Brooklyn.
In Brooklyn, set in the 1950s, the young Eilis Lacey leaves her home in the Irish town of Enniscorthy — where Tóibín grew up — to emigrate to the US.
Despite her homesickness, she makes a new life in New York, studying bookkeeping and becoming engaged to a charming Italian plumber, Tony Fiorello.
But when she returns to Ireland to visit her family, she feels the pull of home and forms a relationship with a local boy called Jim Farrell.
Long Island picks up 20 years later. It's 1976, and Eilis is living on Long Island with her husband Tony and their children, Rosella and Larry, when a knock at the door up-ends her life.
She finds a man on her doorstep who angrily informs Eilis that his wife is pregnant with Tony's child. He says he will not have the baby in his house and will leave it with Tony's family to raise when it is born.
Furious with Tony and suffocated by his close-knit family, who live in neighbouring houses on the same street, Eilis escapes to Ireland to visit her mother for her 80th birthday. There, she reconnects with Jim and imagines another life without Tony.
Early on, Tóibín wasn't sure if Brooklyn was a novel or a long short story.
He was surprised that a character like the passive, amenable Eilis captured so many readers' hearts.
"There's no great heroism there. She's one of those figures who live in the shadows," he says.
"She's open to suggestion, meaning people like her, but she does nothing to gain their friendship. She doesn't look in the mirror much. She just wanders about in a sort of dream. She drifts, and I was interested in that idea of drifting."
Tóibín based his early sketches of Eilis on his Aunt Harriet, his mother's younger sister, who worked in the office of a mill and played golf, like Eilis's sister Rose.
"But at the same time," he says, "the character is invented."
Unlike Eilis, Aunt Harriet never left Enniscorthy, which allowed his imagination to take over when Eilis began her new life in the US.
"That, in a way, gave me the book," he says. "If [Aunt Harriet] had [left], I would have had too much material, too much fact, too much dull business of days."
Tóibín is famously critical of sequels, which he says "destroy" the original book, and he never intended to write a follow-up to Brooklyn.
It was only after the idea for the sequel's premise — Eilis's unenviable predicament — lodged in his head that he found himself "drifting" into the story.
While many readers relished the chance to sink into Eilis's world once again, a sequel carries the risk of displeasing a readership already invested in a beloved character, as Tóibín has discovered.
He has received a surprising number of emails from disgruntled readers voicing their desire for a neater resolution to the second story.
But a Hollywood ending was never on the cards.
"I wouldn't have done it any other way," Tóibín says.
"The problem with this novel is you cannot offer a conclusion that is satisfactory because, no matter what you do, it has to end in compromise and disappointment … I think readers wanted things to end in one way, and they were never going to end in that way, ever."
Tóibín is relatively unperturbed by the feedback.
"I know this is a very old argument because Henry James [the subject of Tóibín's novel The Master] had the same sort of pushback in 1881 when he published Portrait of a Lady," he says. "People thought the ending … was abrupt and unsatisfactory."
It could be that Tóibín is feeling the effects of mainstream success.
While Brooklyn was critically acclaimed, making the 2009 Booker longlist, the 2015 film adaptation reached a much larger audience.
Brooklyn was a box office success and earned Academy Award nominations for Best Picture, Best Adapted Screenplay (for writer Nick Hornby) and Best Actress (for Saoirse Ryan's commanding portrayal of Eilis).
While the film hewed closely to the book, it focused on the love story — would Eilis choose Tony or Jim? — rather than the difficult choice she must make between the safe but limited world of Ireland and the possibility offered by a life far from home in the US.
Tóibín, for his part, loved the film, particularly Domhnall Gleeson's portrayal of Jim.
Irish characters are often presented as charming but drunk and unstable "maniacs", Tóibín says. But here was Gleeson "showing an Irishman … as stable, trustworthy, tolerant, middle-of-the-road, easy-going".
"I got a lot of energy from Domhnall's performance," he says.
So, how has Eilis changed in the two decades between Brooklyn's end and Long Island's beginning?
Feminism, for one.
"While she doesn't refer to it, it makes it all the more real and present. She isn't reading [feminist writers] Kate Millett or Germaine Greer, but something has happened to her," Tóibín says.
"For example, she believes her daughter should get the same or even a better education than her son. That's a big moment to say Rosella is going to university … to study law [and Larry isn't]."
This newly empowered Eilis asserts her will in other ways, like subscribing to the New York Times, which she reads at home in solitude instead of attending the Fiorello family's boisterous all-in Sunday meals.
It's a bold act of independence. In staking out time for herself every week, Eilis draws a boundary with her overbearing in-laws that would be hard to imagine for the passive young woman of Brooklyn.
"She's become a much more thoughtful, serious person," Tóibín says.
Tóibín, the outgoing Irish Laureate for Fiction, belongs to a literary culture that's celebrated around the world.
Theories abound as to why Ireland, a country of 5 million, produces so many talented writers.
Some trace the inventiveness of Irish literature to the intermingling of the English and Irish languages over time.
Then there's the Irish tradition of storytelling, and the effect of widespread poverty that accompanied colonisation and the 19th-century famine.
"We didn't have symphonies; we didn't have Rembrandt," Tóibín says. "Paper and pen are very cheap; you don't need any resources."
Also shaping the Irish literary tradition is the culture's penchant for secrecy, a product of centuries of Catholic repression.
"There are a great number of things that people don't talk about in Ireland," Tóibín says.
"Maybe it's true everywhere, but you notice the distance between speech and thought, and there's always a novel in that."
Writers in Ireland benefit from government funding in the form of literary bursaries, a translation fund and the Basic Income for the Arts (BIA) pilot scheme, which pays a living wage to eligible artists.
A national arts academy, the Aosdána, also pays a stipend to its members to make sure they don't "starve", Tóibín says.
When the result is a culture that produces a body of work as powerful as Tóibín's, it's an easy case to make.
Colm Tóibín appears at Sydney Writers' Festival (which runs from May 19 to May 27) and in Melbourne (May 19 and May 21), presented by The Wheeler Centre and Melbourne Writers Festival.
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And he said, Well, can you and that was weird, because it wasn't on my terms. Alistair Baldwin no and you were just saying, here's an example of an annoying question that I hate being asked. And then he's like, Well, let me ask you, yeah. Carly Findlay And you know, we're talking about microaggressions, but really it was macro aggressions demonstrated. Alistair Baldwin Carly Findlay So there's that. I remember when I was on plenty of fish, I think plenty of fish, and I was just so over it, and I was just, I did put my photo up, and I had a bit of a media profile at that time, like I'd been harassed or discriminated against in taxis. So there was an article about me from that year online, and I think Adam told me, my husband said to me, after we met in person, he said, Yeah, I looked you up because I'd said Alistair Baldwin Parasocial, love for your writing. Carly Findlay No, I don't think, I actually don't think he's ever read my writing. To be honest, he took, he took a year to read my book. Yeah that's fine. Alistair Baldwin I often find as someone with a genetic disorder, it's often quite a relief that I'm gay, because I remember going to my neurologist when I was very young, and they would sort of talk about, as I started hitting puberty, about like, being careful and family planning and the question of whether or not I should have kids. And I was like, it's not really going to come up for me biologically. Might adopt either way. But do you feel that? I guess people's obsessions around their ideal of the perfect family and stuff like that means that there's a lack of spontaneity or being in the moment because people are playing out all this ramifications of the future? Carly Findlay Yeah, I mean, it hasn't been in with any men like that. We, I don't think we've ever gotten to that stage where, you know, talking about family, but I have had situations where people are worried, like, what, what happens if I do get pregnant, and like, people that don't necessarily engage with me or whatever. So that's been awkward. And I have been to doctors where, you know, they're like, oh, as if you're having sex kind of thing. Alistair Baldwin They don't even believe that. Carly Findlay No, they don't even believe that. But interestingly, I feel like I recently had cancer, and it was ovarian and endometrial cancer, and it felt like at the age of 42 the first time I was treated like a adult lady, right? When I was like, talking about absolutely this, because a number of doctors were saying, you know, do you want to have children? Are you right? Are you sure you don't want to have children? Obviously, they have to make sure before they do a hysterectomy and and that, you know, it took till then to I was treated Alistair Baldwin like having an issue affecting your reproductive Yeah, people are actually acknowledging family planning as they should consult with you Madeleine Stewart How do you think public perceptions of facial difference influence how people imagine or fail to imagine disability as being sexy or desired? Carly Findlay Well, it's very rare we see anyone in advertising in media. You know, we only just had the first disabled woman on screen to have sex, so no, I think there is absolutely a perceived undesirability, because we we don't see it. I mean, I don't know if I want to be the face of a vibrator or condom, but I think there's room for people to do that, because we need, we need to show that level of desirability. And still, even with disability, you know, we do see people who have the beauty privilege when they're representing, you know, facets of life Alistair Baldwin well, you know, don't get me started on Paralympians, but is there a piece of media that you could point to that you feel was very formative for you when you were looking, I guess, ahead, to someone who's like, I want to be in a romantic relationship, or I want to be married. Carly Findlay I can't think of anything, to be honest. Like, you know, Dolly magazine was telling me that my face was unsightly. And, you know, there was a lot of talk around if your face is too oily, which mine is, like, artificially oily because of the appointment. So no, there was, there was really nothing. And I would say, until you can't ask that, there was nothing around people with facial differences living ordinary and extraordinary lives. Having said that, though I think I did, you can't ask that just before I got married, and it was really important to me to make sure the wedding photos were not retouched, and to show that and to show that people like me could get married, but then also, I didn't want that to be the pinnacle of someone's achievement, because that's what people think. That's like when a baby's born with ichthyosis, the parents like my child will never get married. I'm like, why are you thinking about your baby getting married? So many other things to do, but I see this in adults as well, like they think that that is the pinnacle of achievement and acceptance Alistair Baldwin Key milestone for life is to find love and marriage Carly Findlay Madeleine Stewart It must have been huge going through cancer treatment, and you know, your relationship with your body might have shifted a bit. What did navigating sex look like during or after that time? Carly Findlay So when I got diagnosed, just before I got diagnosed, actually, when it was likely that I would have cancer, they told me that I'd have to have a hysterectomy, because that was the only way they could test for it. So if they tested for it via a biopsy, which is essentially a needle in inside you It could spread the cancer. So they said that the only safe way was to do a full or partial hysterectomy, depending on what type of you know whether it was positive or not. And so I woke up from surgery with the diagnosis of cancer and straight into menopause. So I had no preparation. Lucky, I like read a few things and listened to some podcasts, because a lot of my friends are of that age that are going through. And I was quite young to go into menopause, but I didn't have any kind of preparation. And so that means that now, you know, obviously I can't get pregnant, so that that's been and then obviously I had to recover from surgery, which takes six weeks. And then, like chemo, when you have chemo, you actually get told all the things you can't do, and one of those things is have unprotected sex, and apparently you become cytotoxic, and that means someone else can get harmed by the by the bodily waste, I think. So, I was told that I couldn't have unprotected sex, and if I was sick, I'd have to clean it up myself, and we couldn't kiss for a while. No, no. I think they said. We could kiss. But also all the way through that, I didn't feel like doing anything, because I was so tired and so sore and so, you know Alistair Baldwin Right? And someone else, like a contact, high dose of chemo, possibly the mucosal barrier, Carly Findlay yeah, yeah. And so one of the things that I can't do from because of my cancer, because of the type of cancer, I can't take hormone replacement therapy. I was told that because of the radiotherapy, I've had chemotherapy and radiotherapy, and the key the radiotherapy was on my pelvis, my vagina might shrivel up. That's what they told me. It might just close like, what they're very good. Actually, I must say, like the Peter Mac and the royal women's are excellent. And there was a nurse who was like a sexologist there, and we had a talk about that. And then she recommended I go to a high end sex shop to get a vibrator to put the cream in, rather than the thing that they gave me, which was like a kitchen utensil. Alistair Baldwin I mean, across the board, any kind of medical tech is some of the least sexy, you know, gray scale material ever. And it's like, let's have a bit of design flair on some of these tools. Carly Findlay So apparently, the Peter Mac is working with this sex shop on helping women or and non binary people, gender diverse people with regaining their sex confidence. And I thought that was really great that they raised that with me. Alistair Baldwin I'm curious to ask about how going through cancer treatments and living with cancer has impacted or shifted the ways that you find intimacy within your relationship, and how that dynamic of potentially a new caring dynamic or new roles shifted with this new diagnosis Carly Findlay I think firstly, I meant to say for the last question, I had a huge change in my body, and I got really thin really quickly, and I didn't know, I didn't I don't wait, or I didn't weigh myself then, and I didn't realise how many kilos I'd lost until the doctor was like, How many kilos Have you lost? I said, I don't know. So we showed photos of like, from six months ago till then. And he said, Okay, yeah. And, and so my body took a long time to get used to, like, I was a lot smaller, and I also in this age of cancel culture and the internet, I don't feel like it's safe to talk about body changing when you have thin privilege. So there was that. And then all of my clothes would hang off me, and I wear a lot of belts now, because they're too big, I still want to keep a lot of my clothes. I think that was the first kind of sign that something might be wrong. I was trying on a dress. I'm like, Oh, my boobs aren't as big now. And that was weird. And so I felt like I wasn't, I might not have been as appealing, you know, to my husband, because I just, I kind of look more like a, you know, I had the physique of a teenage boy, more than, more than what it was, you know, curvy yeah. And so that was really hard in terms of, you know, sex drive, there's just like, it's so weird when you have menopause, there's not much, there's not much. And so, you know, there's been a couple of times where I've had a really good orgasm and I'm like, Oh, maybe I have to remember that, because it's not going to come around, like, more than twice a year. Carly Findlay Burning it into your memory. Carly Findlay Yeah, one of the other things, gosh, I've never talked about this before. I think I mentioned it to a friend, and she was like, this is a really weird conversation. I got really bad neuropathy in my fingers, so chemo gives you neuropathy, and that's one of the only kind of symptoms that are stuck from chemo. And so it really hurt to masturbate with because my fingers were so numb, and then I'd be like, This is so weird. Yeah, nothing's it's not doing anything Alistair Baldwin right, and you don't have that feedback. Carly Findlay Yeah, it's such a weird and then I just ah Madeleine Stewart yeah, if society could unlearn one thing about disability and sex, especially around facial difference or chronic illness. What would you want that to be? Carly Findlay I think it's really important to build a relationship with yourself and, you know, explore, explore yourself and love yourself. That's really important. Like I I've written in my book, say hello, I said that you know, it's really important to love yourself, like the milestone isn't loving someone else it's loving yourself, because so much we're told we shouldn't, and we're not deserving, and we're not wanting to be seen. So I think it's that but also I don't know whether having casual relationships is that easy for disabled people, so finding someone that you really trust you know, is also important if you're wanting a relationship with someone else Carly Findlay Carly Findlay Yeah, and when you're talking about finding that self love, do you feel that once you've done that work of finding pride and confidence, that's something which is bringing attraction in from other people, because you are, I guess, shining brightly. Carly Findlay Yeah, absolutely, you're inner glow shines .So I think that's, I think that's really important. Alistair Baldwin You've got a brilliant career. Thank you, a lovely marriage and an incredible eggplant emoji brooch that you're rocking today, for anyone listening, Carly Findlay yeah, it's the most risque brooch I've got. Alistair Baldwin It's fabulous. I need to know where you've got it. I'll send you the link. Thank you. Thanks so much for coming on the show Carly Alistair Baldwin And our final guest is Liel Bridgford, who's a psychologist, writer, educator and podcaster, proud, disabled immigrant, non conforming femme who is based in Naarm, Melbourne. So Liel, thanks for coming on the show. Liel Bridgford Madeleine Stewart So Liel, as a psychologist working with clients with chronic illness, what are some of the biggest challenges you see people face when it comes to navigating intimacy and sex while managing fluctuating energy levels or pain? Liel Bridgford There's quite a few challenges, but I think there's a few big themes that we kind of see, I see in my clinical work, but also some of them come through in research. I think it's important to actually note that there's not enough research at all about intimacy and sexuality for disabled people. So a lot of the stuff that I'm talking about comes from a tiny bit of research and then a lot of experience working with people. So a lot of people struggle with fatigue, fluctuating energy levels, but also managing those symptoms can get in the way of intimate relationships in their day to day. So people might find that they're in pain one day when they thought they're going to have a nice night with their partner, but also they might find that they don't really feel like having sex or kind of engaging with their partner because of how fatigued they are that day, for example. So that's kind of one big theme that comes through for people, but also there's a lot about confidence that I see all the time, so people feel kind of hesitant to maybe assert themselves in a sexual relationships or ask for what they want, or even attempt to have a relationship if they're single as well. Alistair Baldwin Because they're internalising a lot of those society messages around worthiness or feeling like burdens, and then they're carrying that into personal interactions, Liel Bridgford Definitely, and there's a specific self efficacy for sexuality, and that's within sexual relationships. How confident do we feel to actually ask for what we want to have what we want in a sexual relationships? And as disabled people, a lot of the time that's impacted, because we are not seen as sexual beings in society. So people often feel like, why is anyone gonna want me or my partner wouldn't find me attractive because of my disability? Or do I even go on a dating site? Because anyone who's gonna see me with my mobility aid is going to discount me straight away. So that's definitely another big challenge. Alistair Baldwin Do you also find that sometimes people are choosing between medications which have side effects which can also impact their sex lives in order to deal with things like pain and fatigue, but they're having to make these judgment calls about what's more important for them day to day Liel Bridgford Yeah, absolutely. And medications is a huge one. Of course, you know, a lot of disabled people use medication for a range of different symptom management, and those medications, of course, can impact our sex lives. A lot of the time people choose other life areas of a sexuality, I would say, and but then they suffer because of that, and sometimes even not the fact of medication, but symptoms themselves can get in the way. So some people have loss of sensations and pain that make intimacy very difficult, and no medication can kind of change that. And then how do we communicate about that? So communication with our partners or potential sexual partners, is another massive challenge for disabled people, and it comes down to both our confidence, but also, how does society support us to communicate our needs Madeleine Stewart As someone who's disabled yourself and I'm also disabled, I have energy fluctuations. How do you integrate your own experiences, of your own energy shifts and physical limitations into your own work with your clients. Liel Bridgford Well, I really like the fact that I'm disabled. It really helps me in my work. I say to every single client that I'm disabled, I obviously am not ashamed of it, and if people ask about it, then I'm very happy to share about my experience. Of course, the sessions or my work with clients are not about me, but being able to actually understand what it's like to have your identity really changed by the fact that you have a disability, because our self concept absolutely impact our sexuality. And for years, I was born disabled, and for years, I felt very ashamed of that, and that, of course, impacted my sexual relationships. And. I felt that feedback as well. So I felt I had multiple partners where I just knew that they were ashamed to be with me. I could just tell and it's a process of changing how we relate to ourselves. It's about engaging with the disability community, kind of finding pride all of that process of changing how I feel and think about my own disability. That helps me then help client understand, okay, we can change the fact that you're ashamed of it now, or you're grieving right now. Doesn't mean you're going to feel like that forever. We can go through a process of you being actually confident and proud in having a disability, and then you'll be able to be more confident sexually as well Alistair Baldwin navigating sex and intimacy in relationships where someone has a chronic illness. Clearly, it must require a lot of communication about how you're feeling and what you can schedule and stuff like that. And do you have any advice for people advocating for their needs and the relationships and finding, you know, space and time for sex and intimacy, given the unpredictability of their health day to day, Liel Bridgford communication is so important, and it's something that I would say I work with people almost, almost 100% of my clients, that's an issue that comes in at some point, because it can get In the way of our relationships and our sexual relationships and our intimacy. My first tip would be to get to know your own needs and wants first. And a lot of the times, it's a step that people miss and forget. So actually sitting down with yourself and finding out, reflecting, experimenting, whatever that might be, what do you actually want? What do you actually like? And we hear this advice a lot for non disabled people, but we deserve just the same kind of exploration, exploring your body and whether you need support with that, or whether you can do it by yourself, regardless, making that space and start writing down or dictating to your phone. What are the kind of things I want to try? What are the kind of things that matter to me in an intermittent sexual relationship, and that's often a part that people miss thinking about what actually matters to me. Why do I want to be intimate with my partner as well or with a potential partner? Sometimes it's like the physical touch. Some people really seek that more. Other people, it's like the emotional part comes with the physical touch. It could be something completely different, but thinking about the why would help you understand. How am I going to communicate that. Alistair Baldwin Yeah, because when you have clarity on not just what you need, but why you need it or desire it, that conversation, which can seem so daunting in a relationship to advocate for your needs, it becomes clearer, because you can really say, Yeah, I guess I want this, because I want intimacy with you, but it can be too exhausting if we do it one way and not the other, Liel Bridgford And being able to schedule in a time the schedule, of course, you we can't predict. We may still have a low spoon day. We may still be in pain and not be able to go through with something, but schedule in a time to communicate. Often, people fall into the trap of communicating when they're really, really heightened, like they're really angry or they're exhausted, and then their partner tries to talk to them. And it all blows up a lot of the time. Something that comes up in research as well, a little bit in a tiny bit of research that we have, and I see it in my practice as well. People feel like if I'm going to say to my partner, x, y, z, about my fatigue, my pain, whatever it is, they're not going to get it. They're not going to understand. What's the point? They're not going to be interested. They don't get it. They don't have a disability. And so then they shut down. So my advice is to absolutely give our partners or potential partners the benefit of the doubt and say the thing, don't be scared to say the thing, the worst that can happen is your needs are going to be met. Doing all of those steps in the lead up is going to help. But absolutely say the thing. Say what you want to try and yeah, and play as well. Alistair Baldwin Now Liel in this country, I guess across the world, we're often taught a very narrow definition of what intimacy looks like in a relationship. But I'm curious, what are the sort of things that you do with your clients in terms of redefining what intimacy can be when their symptoms or their disabilities can often mean that the typical heteronormative intimacy that we're sort of taught is what a sexual romantic relationship is, isn't on the table as much. Liel Bridgford I think it comes back to the why. You know what is important to you? Why do you want to connect with your partner and doing the work of understanding what is it that you're after from this relationship? A lot of the time it is like an orgasm or the touch, or whatever that might be, but a lot of the time it's also just connecting with your partner. And I really miss that. I miss my partner. You know, I hear that a lot, so being able to kind of work on what we talked about before just being together and redefining that, that word intimacy, like. You don't have to have sex to be intimate. You can just sit together in the same room without having to think about chores or the stress of, you know, your rent or whatever it might be, just being together a little bit as a starting point and rethinking, you know, your expectations, so really exploring what people expect sex and relationships are going to be like Alistair Baldwin Do you have any examples from the work that you've done of stand out moments where people have done that work redefining intimacy in their relationship and it's really strengthened or helped a relationship thrive? Liel Bridgford I have a client who recently told me how they've now scheduled in her and her partner have scheduled in date nights on a regular basis, which they haven't done, and it doesn't have mean that they're going to have sex on every single one of those date nights, but they're spending time together and they're connecting again. And it all started with just sitting together watching a show because they're both exhausted. She didn't have any spoons for anything else you know, he's exhausted from life and just sitting together watching a show, not even talking. Research actually shows how confident someone is in their disabled identity determines how confident they are to assert their needs, which then determines how satisfied they are sexually. So saying you're Disabled and Proud might help you feel more satisfied sexually, Alistair Baldwin because it takes the confidence of that pride and it bleeds through into other areas exactly. I mean, that makes you know, I'm very proud to be disabled, and I am very slutty. So anecdotally, to add to the little bit of research, well, what are some of the macro changes to society that you would love to see in your ideal world, where structural and policy changes are enacted so that across the world, people really feel supported to find intimacy, love, connection and sex. Liel Bridgford The first thing is we need accessible education to sexual health. We don't actually have that yet in most of Australia and most of the western world, I would say so we really need to bring that in, because a lot of people with disabilities, who, like me, have grown up disabled, haven't had the exposure to what able people have in terms of sexual health education, which is crucial to making mistakes, to learning, to getting the confidence to take risks, to learn how to socialise, to ask for what you want, to all of that. So we need sex education and relationship education to be accessible to everyone, to all disabled people, both physical disabilities, intellectual disability. You know, every single struggle or change or variation that we have in our society, everyone should have access to sexual and health education, and then we need, of course, to shift the stigma, because all of the problem, a lot of the problems we're talking about, are stemming all from ableism and from the discrimination that we experience as disabled people, we need to really bring about policies that really strongly prohibit any kind of discrimination and prejudice against disabled people. And I know that in our law, it's kind of supposed to be like that, but it's not so. We need politicians to really work on making that happen and be strong on what is important to us as a society and disabled people, being safe in society is crucial. If we're not safe and disabled women, particularly if we're not safe moving about this world and we're worried about being abused, being assaulted, whether it's on the street or at home, then of course, we're not going to feel sexy. I think it is important to acknowledge that disabled people are more likely to experience family violence in the home, and they're more likely to experience sexual assault, and that is just a horrific truth, that the statistics are so high. And within that disability, you know, including kind of that includes both autistic people, people with physical disability, and that shouldn't be the case. Alistair Baldwin Well it sounds like you're doing a lot of great work, heading us in that direction. Thanks so much for coming onto the show. Liel Bridgford Alistair Baldwin It's been lovely speaking to you. Liel Bridgford Madeleine Stewart No, truly. Thank you so much. Alistair Baldwin What an incredible episode of love without limits. We've had today. My personal highlight, it was really great hearing from Liel about how she brings her own lived experience with chronic illness into her work as a psychologist, and how that can really help provide specific support for people living with chronic illness. It was great Madeleine Stewart I really enjoyed talking to Carly Findlay, you know, because I've been a big fan of Carly for years, you know, books and all of her social media and now her journey through cancer as well. I think it was really interesting speaking to her about that, as well as her disability and and how, how it's shaped her life and her love life as well. Very interesting, Alistair Baldwin absolutely. I mean, I learned so much, and me too, what a great episode that's been today's episode of love without limits. Thanks for listening. Bye. Madeleine Stewart This has been Love without Limits, hosted by us, Madeline Stewart and Alastair Baldwin Alistair Baldwin And produced by Eliza hull, in partnership with SBS and Attitude Foundation. SBS team is Joel Supple and Max Gosford, recorded at Session in Progress.

News.com.au
4 hours ago
- News.com.au
John Sargent-trained Autumn Blonde gets chance to break maiden at Randwick-Kensington on Wednesday
Autumn Blonde, who has form around Golden Slipper winner Marhoona, gets an opportunity to break her maiden status in the Myplates Handicap (1150m) at Kensington on Wednesday. The John Sargent -trained Autumn Blonde went winless in four starts last season but showed natural ability including her third placing at Canterbury last February. The winner that day was Marhoona who trained on to win the Golden Slipper, while the runner-up, Dream Side, was placed at Group 2 level. Raced by leading syndicator James Moss and his Tricolours Syndications and part-owned by The Daily Telegraph editor Ben English, Autumn Blonde followed her Canterbury effort with a very close fourth to Within The Law in the Group 2 Sweet Embrace Stakes before failing in the Magic Night Stakes. Sargent said Autumn Blonde had been improved by two recent trials and could sprint well fresh under jockey Dylan Gibbons. 'Autumn Blonde has got ability,'' Sargent said. 'But I'm putting ear muffs on her for the first time as she has been going a bit hard so this might help her to relax. 'We will ride her midfield, hopefully there is a good speed early and she will be hitting the line well.'' Some spring class back to trials with these 2yos 1st - The Playwright (2f Written By x Sugarparma) for @GaiWaterhouse1 G3 Widden S. winner and 4th G1 Blue Diamond last start. Note 4th - Autumn Blonde (2f The Autumn Sun x Tall Blonde) for @jsargentracing. She's got something.… — Breednet (@BreednetNews) July 11, 2025 Sargent has a third of the field in the Kensington opener with Nullarbor Jane and Solar Dance clashing with stablemate Autumn Blonde. 'Nullarbor Jane has no weight (53.5kg after the claim for apprentice Molly Bourke) and has race fitness on her side. She hasn't been far away at her last two starts,'' Sargent said. 'Solar Dance is having her first start but she is well-bred and is out of a Zabeel mare on her dam's side, and I liked her last trial (won at Rosehill). 'She will probably get back from her barrier (eight) but I expect her to be doing her best work late.''